Sunday, April 3, 2016

Gratitude "Coming At You Sometime Over the Course of the Weekend, We Hope"...

Last weekend was a busy one.  Although, not for all the reasons Easter weekends are busy for people with, you know, family nearby.  No.  We had no fancy supper.  No ham to bake.  No casseroles to transport.  None of that.  

What we did have was a flower bed being turned into a retaining wall.

And maybe the Easter bunny visiting with some left over Valentine's candy.  

(Don't think for ONE SECOND that escaped my super-smart daughter.  The only answer I could offer her as to WHY the Easter Bunny might give us candy in heart shaped containers is because he/she/it just LOVES US SO MUCH.  Why wouldn't it be expressed through the shape of the candy?)

(CLEARLY.)

We started off the weekend with a little Good Friday trip to the Zoo.  I'd offer you pictures and witty stories only, I still haven't recovered.  Because the entirely of Fort Worth was at the Zoo.  

I'm gonna need some more time to process and let time pass.  Since time heals all wounds.  

Our church was offering six Easter services at our campus beginning with a 6:30 pm Friday option.  We opted for that.  We wanted to make sure there was enough room for people to attend on Sunday morning.  You'd think a Friday Easter morning service wouldn't be that crowded but no lie, it was more crowded for that service than I'd ever seen any other service at our church.  

Having gotten "the family fun time" and the Easter service knocked out on Friday, that left us with two full days at home.  

Chris had plans.

We have a flower bed behind the waterfall feature on our pool.  Mostly, it's spent the fall and winter being extremely overgrown and possibly serving as a home for snakes and such.  Chris had cleaned it out the weekend before and, thankfully, there had been no snakes in the bed.  

I vaguely remember Chris telling me what he wanted to do with the flower bed but, being totally honest, I'm pretty sure I was only half listening.  

Grass + weeds + possible snakes = ROBIN OUT.

But I was in no way prepared for the amount of work he ended up doing.  

He completely REMOVED the existing flower bed and built an actual retaining wall. 

A wall.  He built a wall.

And it's super pretty.

This is why we are such a good fit.  I looked at our existing flower bed and thought only, "Awe, that's cute."

Chris looks at the same thing and thinks, "That's JUNK.  It much go."  And then proceeds to consider every CATASTROPHE that might happen if the junk of a flower bed is not removed and a wall built.

Which goes something like this...

"If we do not remove this flower bed out and replace it with a retaining wall we risk the structural integrity of the pool and when that happens we risk flooding not only our yard but the neighbor's yards and that much water could do some serious foundation damage and since our pool will be the cause of the damage, we would have to pay for the foundation repairs of not only our house but the houses surrounding us and let's not forget, the pool is still broken and we can't just leave a big hole in the ground so that would obviously need to be fix and once that was fixed, I'd have to build a retaining wall to prevent it from just happening all over again.  Only we'd be completely bankrupt and have to move in with our parents.  So, anyway, I'm gonna need to take out that flower bed and build a retaining wall."

Me?  I'm like, "Cool.  I'm going to a thrift store.  Let me know when it's done, K?"

Perfect fit.

Flower bed vs. retaining wall discussions aside, for the most part, any big, life altering stuff, we utilize the Traffic Light system.  

So say we're discussing if we should buy a truck.  We each pray about it and then discuss.  We will say, "Are you getting a red or green light on that?"  Unless we're both getting a green light, it's a no.  

Occasionally, we'll just start a discussion with something like, "Okay, building an outdoor shower, are you getting a green light or a red light on that?"

Although, that's clearly a silly example because once Chris has decided he's building an outdoor shower, it just is happening.  Kinda like my decision to redecorate AK's bedroom.  This is not up for discussion.  It's just happening.

Last weekend, after the wall was built, we were sitting on the couch talking.  We don't really have any big, life-altering decisions coming up but we do have a little thing we have to green or red light.  I asked him how he was praying about it and what kinda of light he thought he was getting.  He shared.

And then I shared what I was praying.  

Which was a big ole "WHATEVER."

Please, picture me making the "W" with my hands as I pray and telling God in my sassiest of voices, "WHATEVER."  

In a lot of ways, my relationship with God has reached a trust tipping point.  Not sure I could have said that a year ago.  The Pruning helped.  We've come to that place where I'm simply okay with whatever comes.  

Chris said, "So basically, the traffic light and it's color is irrelevant.  You're more, 'Look.  Another traffic light.'"

Exactly.

Part of this is my personality.  

(Which, SIDE NOTE, everyone should take a personality test of some kind.  We did during small group a couple of weeks ago.  Largely because we'd had a guest speaker that week and although he was LOVELY, we didn't have a whole lot of revelation to share.  But one of our members is getting his MBA so he's studying these kinds of things and those of us who'd never taken one became incredibly curious.)

(I'm an INFJ and a Beaver.)

(Seriously.  Go take one.  Now.)

(I'll wait.)

But part of my new "whatever-ness" is truly, simply, being okay with whatever God does.  I'll go.  I'll stay.  I'll work.  I'll stay home.  I'll lead.  I'll follow.  I'll join.  I'll create.  Whatever.  

And I am immensely grateful for that.  

Would I have chosen to go through The Pruning?  No way.  Opted to feel like God had led us out into a dessert alone?  Nope.  Asked for silence from My Father as He waited for us to let go?  Never.

But that's what we got and that's what we did and it was good.  

It. Was. Good.

He's been giving me some things to ponder, consider, examine about how we handled The Pruning.  Challenging me to see His faithfulness and my own.  Asking me to think about what we actually gave up instead of what I FELT like we gave up.  

Truly, this feels like the healing I've been praying for this past year.  I was waiting for an instantaneous relief.  Like those testimonies when God takes away someone's addiction to heroine the second they pray for it to be removed.  But that's not what's happened for me.  Although, I have prayed so fervently for just that.  

And believe me, this is not something where I lay it at His feet and then keep turning around to pick it back up.  I DON'T WANT IT. No part of it.  

But this is the way healing has come for me.  Slowly.  Deliberately.  Faithfully.  Likely, exactly the way I needed it to come for me.

Because God knows my personality far better than a test.  After all, He gave me Chris with all his talent for catostrophic thinking.  Otherwise, I would have lived life on the edge and just left the flower bed alone.  

Whatever.

1 comment:

  1. Your writing makes me happy. I wish I lived closer to you, I'd ask you to meet me and pray with me...and laugh with me. Best Wishes and Many Blessings...

    ReplyDelete