Gratitude Friday...

In addition to the whole moving out of our house thing, this week was also Aubrey Kate's first time at VBS.  Although, our church doesn't have VBS.  We have "Epic."  And, of course, "we" write our own curriculum.  So while all the other kids in the world go through Everest, our's went on "An Epic Voyage."  

We also had our own music.  That we wrote.  And recorded.

Really.  We do it all.  And I don't believe it's because we think we need to or even have to.  I believe it's because we have talented people God has called to do it.  How many people could write VBS curriculum but don't or can't because WHY?  It's already done.  We're more like, COOL!  Go with God and let's do it!

We had over 1,000 kids.  Educational space is at a premium in our building.  How the staff managed the logistics of that is just AMAZING.  And because there was just one Epic, I got to see people I normally don't during a worship service.  We're all spread out over three services but not during Epic!

I kinda dug that.

As you can imagine, 1,000 kids and their parents checking them in was a little chaotic.  Aubrey Kate is...like me...overwhelmed by large crowds.  And she doesn't particularly handle new environments well.  The first day, I left her and visited with a friend before going back to sneak a peak.  

She was standing in the corner all by herself.  

All the other kids were at the tables coloring and some were playing a game.  

But not my daughter.  

I called Chris in tears.  Truly, seeing her timid and isolated, even though I know its by her own choice, is heartbreaking.  Chris did what he usually does and reminded me AK does that every week at church and she always warms up.  

Which is true.

After each day, I asked what her favorite thing had been.  Every day, it was the bible story.  And girly knew the days' stories backwards and forwards.

"What was today's story?"

"Walking on the water."

"Oh, yeah, when Peter gets out of the boat to walk with Jesus."

"NO!  Jesus walked on water.  Peter walked only because Jesus let him walk."

"Good point."

Schooled in theology by your five year old.  Good times.

I watched her every day.  Dressed in her faded blue hand-me-down maxi dress, turquoise and navy patterned leggings and navy cardigan sweater, two sized too small and top button buttoned.  Sitting down next to girls in their shorts and graphic tees with pony tails.    

Bless.  She loved the outfit she picked out.  It twirls.  And the navy cardigan?  Practical.  Because it is FREEZING in the church building.  

Strong-willed and DOES NOT CARE what everyone else looks like.  

She confessed she never sang a single note. Never played a single game.  Never had a single bit of fun.  

Except for listening to the stories of Christ.

Her leader said she was nice but she did not want to play or even do the crafts.  She was much more concerned about "cleaning up this disaster."  Sigh.  She gets that need for order and cleanliness honestly too.  She does her best work in a quiet, structured, familiar environment.

And then said environment needs to be centered around her direction.  Otherwise, she's out.  

I've been thinking a lot about her this week.  We've taken a friend home each day.  That girl smiled all the time and had lots of fun things to share.  Her favorite things were the singing and playing games.  From the driver's seat, I saw two sides of life.  Aubrey Kate's strong-willed side and her friend's easy-going side.

In all the ways her stubbornness breaks my heart, it also brings me peace.  I know she won't be easily swayed by the "in" crowd.  She's never gonna accept an explanation on it's face value.  She'll never trust anyone unless they've passed her tests (and so far, I haven't passed.)  

Right now, her strong-will is isolating and lonely.  It's sad and, for the most part, she doesn't enjoy much of anything.  In the moment, she might.  But afterward, she remembers mostly the things she didn't get to do exactly her way.  

But I know she will find her place.  She will find a group of friends she can trust.  Likely, people who take direction well.  Her love for stories will continue to grow.  Eventually, she will spend her free time with her nose buried in a book.  

I am grateful for her strong-will.  Grateful she wears that faded blue maxi dress and looks gorgeous.  Grateful I had to wait to be her momma.  The momma she would have gotten five years before she was born would have been awful for her.  I had to wait for her, learn patience, lean into my Father, and give up on my own expectations.  I would not be the momma she needed if I had not had to fight to have her.

With that same fight, I will support her and love her and pray for her and pray over her and tell her she's beautiful and kiss her.  Even though she begs me to stop doing all of that.  She's too big.  

Until she crawls into my lap at night while we read her bible story.  Then she wants all of me to love all of her.  And I will.

Thank you, Father, for this strong-willed amazing little girl.  Thank you for those years of waiting.  Thank you for teaching me patience and determination and surrender.  Thank you for allowing me to understand and see why the waiting...the waiting for HER...had to be.

And thank you that her favorite part of the day is hearing about You.  

She is so wonderfully made by Your loving hands.