Gratitude Friday...

About a month ago, I woke up, came into the kitchen, started getting the dishwasher emptied and turned my computer on for the day.  Normal daily routine. 

 

Only my computer didn't come on.

 

It flashed a whole bunch of truly abstract shapes. 

 

Restart.

 

New abstract shapes.

 

Three hours later.  Restart.

 

Nothing.  No shapes.  Just blank.

 

Oh.  Goody.

 

Can I tell you how genuinely relieved I felt to have not been the last person to use it? 

 

I simply cannot take the pressure of being The One Who Killed the Computer.

 

Can.not. 

 

And since it is smack in the middle of the heart of marching season, the computer sits lifeless on my desk in the playroom where it will remain until sometime in November when Chris has time to drive 45 minutes to the closest Fix My Computer store. 

 

I could do it.  And if we all survived the 90 minute round trip car ride, we would likely not survive the whole DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING part of the process so to be honest, it will be cheaper for Chris to go.  We can't afford to replace an entire over-turned table of apple products. 

 

Truth be told, we have been a little over-run with "stuff" for me to have been doing too much writing even if the computer hadn't quit its job with no notice. 

 

Three weeks ago, Rhys was ridiculously fussy and running a low grade fever.  All. Week. Long.  We finally found three out of four of his sets of molars last week sometime.  I figured it was teething but that didn't really make him lighter. 

 

Twenty-five pounds gets heavy sometime around day three.

 

The next week, we came home from National Night Out to a high fever.  Which Rhys ran for the next three days.  Just a virus.  But it was a hum-dinger.  Another week of holding 25 pounds. 

 

Then last week, at his regularly scheduled 15 month appointment (I know.  I have no idea how he went from baby to little boy either.), the doctor found his first ear infection.  Thus explaining why I was still having to hold a very fussy little guy.

 

By Friday, he was back to being more Rhys-like.

 

I was pretty much exhausted.

 

Somewhere in all that, Aubrey Kate became convinced my attention to the sick baby was as assault on my affections for her and decided to LOSE HER MIND.  I swear to you, last Friday when my best friend was here, we just sat and stared at each other until the wee hours of the morning trying to figure AK out.  We very literally said, "I just don't know" approximately every 6.2 seconds. 

 

My momma heart is still trying to recover from her behavior.  And my momma heart is suffering through the discipline necessary to correct said behavior. 

 

I suspect it's gonna be a rough couple of weeks for Pumpkin.

 

Here's a snapshot of our life, as an example. 

 

Each Friday, the kids take show and tell items starting with the letter of the week.  This week was "F" so we had picked out some "food" from her kitchen to take. 

 

This morning:

 

Me:  Baby, you have all your food ready to take with you to school?

 

AK:  No.  Food doesn't start with f.

 

Me:  Oh sweetie.  Remember, we worked on that last night.  Food and Fruit both start with F.  It's a great show and tell choice!

 

AK:  No, they don't start with F.

 

Me:  Super.  Feel free to find something that does.

 

It was one of those moments when I just stared at her with a look of ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?!?!?!

 

I don't argue back.  Although I do set a mental reminder to check the age requirement for flying unattended on a plane to her grandparents. 

 

She went through almost every item in her playroom.  I spelled them all.  Mostly correct, I hope.  And eventually, she loaded up her basket of food and we left. 

 

Awesome. 

 

That was energy I clearly needed to waste this morning. 

 

She is a special brand of stubborn. 

 

So really, I'm hanging on by a slim thread of sanity most days.  Expending the mental energy needed for writing simply hasn't been possible.  But there are things to document, things to share, things to explore.  I don't want to neglect this journal for too long. 

 

Because one day, AK will be sixteen and I will need a reminder of the frustrations I faced with her at three.  So I can kick myself for thinking three was at all exhausting. 

 

Thank you, Lord, for needy, snugly babies to hold and kiss and hug.  It's good stuff, even if they are heavy and physically draining.  You provided all I needed to get through it.  Thank you, a virus was just that and not something more.  Thank you for the antibiotics to cure ear infections.  Thank you regularly scheduled appointments to find them.  Thank you for little arms wrapped around my neck.  Thank you for chubby cheeks to kiss.  Thank you for the chance to pray fervently and continually for my children.

 

Thank you, Lord, for spirited three year olds.  Thank you for teaching me how to truly lean on You.  Thank you for holding my tongue when needed.  Thank you for the strength to forgive her and for forgiving me when I do let anger take hold.  Thank you for the urging to pray with her and over her so often.  You promise those words will not return void and truthfully, I'm counting on that.  I need her to hear about Your love and grace.  I need her to hear how You created each and every piece of her.  I need her to hear my prayers of thanksgiving and awe for her life.  I need to her hear and believe You are love and through You we love her regardless of her challenging my spelling ability (which is less than stellar). 

 

I love you, Jesus.