I was like Stevie Wonder. Only blonder...

Alright, here's the thing. I started wearing contacts at age 13. Middle School. I didn't make the dance team the first year I tried out and I was pretty convinced it was because of the glasses.

Not at all because I couldn't dance.

I cried for days. I feel certain my mother was completely perplexed by the entire experience. Heck. I know I would have been. So it was agreed that I could have contacts.

And the next year, I made the team.

Ha. Take that Glasses.

So here we are twenty years later.

Yikes.

My contacts haven't been fitting well since Pumpkin was born. The doctor said it was because hormones can change the shape of your eyes. Who knew? (Except for Fanny who worked for an eye doctor during her first pregnancy. Insider information.) The battle between my eyes and my contacts hasn't been pretty the past two months. But I got a new prescription a few weeks ago and thought all was well with the world.

Until Thursday. I knew they weren't feeling great and thought, well, the hormonal flux continues. But I hadn't made an appointment yet. We had gone to the day care that afternoon and I'd cried. A lot. So my contacts were more than a little blurry. I came home, took them out, removed my mascara and washed my ugly crying face.

Four hours later, my left eye felt like a million little needles were stuck in there. I flushed my eye with water. Put in lubricating drops. Held a cold wash cloth on my eyes. Took Tylenol. Some sleeping pills. And then rolled around in bed all night long in pain.

Good times.

The next morning, Chris, baby and I were all parked in front of the eye doctor's office before they opened hoping they would fit me in quickly.

The poor receptionist took one look at me and said, Oh my. You're in pain, aren't you?

Why yes. Yes, I am. Can I see someone who might be able to fix that?

I sat down in the waiting room. With my sunglasses on. One, I didn't want to alarm any small children who might be roaming around and two, the light was KILLING ME.

While I waited for the doctor, Chris was outside in the car feeding Pumpkin. Like a good little girl, she had a poopie diaper right after she finished eating. And it went every where. All over her little outfit so when Chris was trying to change her, well, you can imagine. He was standing at the back of the SUV trying to give her a bird bath with wipes and not get poop all over himself. He couldn't find the extra outfit in the diaper bag so he ended up going back to the house.

I just continued to sit in the lobby in my sunglasses.

Finally, 45 minutes after settling into the waiting room, I got called back and Chris returned to the doctor with a now fresh and clean baby. They gave me some numbing drops and for the first time in 12 hours, I could open my left eye.

The doctor calmly looked at my eyes while I squirmed in pain. Those lights are bright. And then he gave me the verdict.

My eyes have been oxygen deprived. For a long time. Some much so that I'm growing blood vessels in my corneas. Apparently, that's a bad thing. And the little needles I'd been feeling were about 15 little ulcers around the edge of the cornea. He said the right eye was about a day behind and had we waited, I would have been in double the pain all weekend.

When all was said and done, I left with a prescription for two eye drops, ointment, instructions to keep my eyes closed as much as possible for the rest of the day and a warning that I would have to be sans contacts for the next several months.

Thankfully, the ointment pretty much glued my eyes shut. The light was still pretty harsh (even with the glue) so I spent a good bit of time in the bedroom with my beloved blackout curtains while Chris took care of both me and Pumpkin. When I did venture out to the living room, I had to wear my sunglasses. I could walk around but Chris had to give me verbal instructions while I navigated the house blind.

The doctor said the drops would work quickly and he was right. By Saturday morning, I could open my eyes. They just got tired faster than I would have liked but we were able to open the curtains. Today, I feel almost normal. There's still a red ring around my left cornea but apart from the fact that I'm not wearing mascara, most wouldn't notice anything. I just look like a sleep deprived new mom.

Now all I need to do is get new glasses. The ones I have may be the same pair I tried out in for dance team during the 6th grade. Got any suggestions, Internet, on what kind of glasses I should get?