And I've learned a few things too. Aubrey Kate isn't the only one figuring out how to navigate a new world.
1. Although its a common, every day occurrence, a C-section is major surgery. Hello. Was not even a little prepared for the pain of that at 3:30 am following the surgery.
2. Breast milk is not always the only thing a newborn needs to be healthy. We learned that on Friday before we were expecting to be discharged when the nursery nurse calls to say our little baby's blood sugar was 4 points away from heading to the NICU. Formula saved the day and she was able to get her blood sugar up by that night. But...
3. Aubrey Kate is no longer interested in breast feeding. Whether that's because she's a lazy sucker or because she's too impatient, we're not sure. Regardless, it's a struggle and honestly, I'm not interested in listening to her scream because she's hungry. Because...
4. I feel horribly guilty that she had to start taking formula at all. Guilty that I wasn't able to feed her enough to keep her healthy. Guilty she had to spend a day getting stuck to draw blood. Guilty my milk hasn't come in strong enough yet to make her want to breast feed.
5. So yes, in case you're wondering, the baby blues are for real. And yes, I'm aware all the guilt is illogical and likely very hormonal. I get it. But that doesn't turn off the water works when I'm holding her begging her to feed. Because bottom line...
6. All I want is a healthy baby. And if that means I have to pump or feed her formula, so be it. We didn't pray for a breast feeding baby. We prayed for a healthy baby. The Lord provided. Now our job is to do our best. And our best is whatever keeps our baby girl full and growing.
7. But the best lesson I've learned is how much one heart can love. My husband is just amazing me at how he loves our daughter. He gets up for every feeding at night. Rushes in after work and grabs her right up. And I cannot believe how much my heart jumps for joy when she looks at me or smiles (even though I know it's not on purpose) or even when I'm laughing at her legs kicking her socks off. Seriously, who could not love this sweet little face? (Its a rare moment of being awake and I suspect she's thinking, really? A picture now? Just because I have my eyes open? Get a life Mom)
She is a cutey! Noah and I made it three weeks breastfeeding. Every feeding was a struggle for us both. It was the hardest decision I ever made. I cried and cried. I understand the guilt you are feeling! I am praying for you and Aubrey Kate! Call me if you need to talk! Love you! All three of you :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a pretty girl you have!!
ReplyDeleteHang in there...(speaking from experience)... the c-section pain will get MUCH better, the baby blues will ease away, and the guilt of giving formula instead of breast milk will go away, too!!! Sending prayers your way!!
That sweet little chick better get used to having a camera around. Has she MET her Meme?! Love y'all, and even though I haven't been commenting, I'm checking the blog and reading every day to get updated on my favorite niece!
ReplyDeleteAah, sweetness. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel less anxious or guilty, but I know too many women who have experienced the same breastfeeding issues to not want to reach out and say, please be kind to you. This baby girl is going to be just fine with or without breast milk. Thank the Lord for formula. I didn't think it was possible, but she is even more beautiful when last I saw her!
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I promise it'll get better! We pray for you all everyday. Just keep doing what your instinct tells you. You're great parents! Love you and I'll see you soon. Tell Aubrey Kate to save some smiles for her MeMe. Love you, Martha
ReplyDeleteShe is sooo precious! I'm glad someone is experiencing all different issues so when it's my turn, I can say "Robin, help"! Ha ha
ReplyDeleteHang in there...it will get better I'm sure!
WOW does she look like you!!!
ReplyDeletewith my 1st baby, she was in the NICU and breast feeding never worked, she never latched. my milk came in and I pumped, but I only lasted about 5 weeks and said FORGET IT!
I just had my 2nd baby and she latched!!!but the 1st night was a struggle to keep her blood sugar up. I was throwing her on the boob whenever possible becuase they told me if her blood sugar didnt stay up, they would have to take her to the nursery for further action...we made it. when they moved me to postpardum (also a c-section) the nurse completely destroyed my confidence. she said that my daughter had lost 7.3% of her body weight and if it went over 10% they would"make you supplement with formula anyway". Now 1st of all, no one can force me to supplement (i would just have to stay in the hospital till she gained weight). 2nd of all, why didnt she just look me in the eye and scream " you cant even do something EVERY woman can do? wow, what a failure you are". I immediately sobbed. I ordered her to go get me formula and thats what she ate the rest of the time at the hospital. I cried so hard. I thought, once again, I failed to do the "best" for my baby. but thats not true!!! Anyway, I went home and my boobs were soooo full and my friend said," are you really not going to even try again?" so I did. and guess what? she latched and ate!!! couple days more, I was concerned she wasnt getting enough so on the feedings where I was sleeping, I had my husband give her half pumped breast milk and half formula! we had an appt with the Pediatrician who said she was very very slowly growing. That sealed the deal for me. My daughter nurses everytime she is hungry and with me, but she also gets a bottle right after and she is healthy and happy and I still get the connection! breast feeding is so tough. our culture does NOTHING to support birthing and mothering empowerment.
the guilt is normal. I STILL FEEL IT.but u made this baby. you know what she needs...trust yourself and your hubby!
Adorable! Praying for a fast recovery and lots of milk! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteOne thing I remember learning about new borns is that there are more unknowns than there are equations. Why does she do this now but not at other times? You will not be able to solve those mysteries emperically or by logic because of the # unk > # equations limitation.
ReplyDeleteTrust your judgement; you're her Mama. Yes, you will overanalyze every situation just like all of us did when we were parents of our first child.
Let my favorite grand niece know that she is loved by family in many states.
Great uncle Manson