It's All His...

Stephen Curtis Chapman has a great song about all things being His. In the song, the person is traveling all over the world and everything he sees, the traffic lights, the signs, the people, he recognizes that all these things belongs to God. "It's all yours God."

Looking back on 2009, I would have to say that is my biggest lesson.

We started the year so excited and hopeful for IVF 1.5. Cysts were gone. Hormone levels were back to normal. We dove in head first. By the beginning of March, we had little embabies for the first time. And they were all in heaven with our Lord.

That process. Those little lives. Our grief. All of it was part of His plan. It was all His.

Then came the "house cleaning". A total lifestyle change. Organic diet. Acupuncture. Herbal supplements. Less strenuous exercise. Not once did I put faith in all that to create life. But I gave it all to the Lord for His glory. He can use good ole country boy embryologists named Glenn, Witchy Woman with her stress points and tree hugger craziness most people did not understand.

All of that, the hard work, the added expense, the cleanest body I could offer, it was all His.

By August, we had witnessed miracles. Some we prayed for and some we never even thought about. A doubled antral follicle count, ten healthy eggs retrieved, a solo retrieval with an army of staff taking care of only us and our embryos. We prayed for those seven little ones to grow and thrive.

Before a single pregnancy test. Before blood work. Before a phone call. We knew, every one of those seemingly ordinary miracles were all His.

Then came all those tests, blood work and phone calls. All the hope, despair, grief and pure joy seemed to beat all at once in our precious baby's little heartbeat. That heartbeat. There are no real words for that moment.

The heartbeat. The humbled gratitude. The immense excitement. It was all His.

Watching my body change. Knowing I was responsible for helping this precious life grow. Feeling those first kicks. Finding out we were having the little girl we've always dreamed of.

Every day saying full of thankfulness. Every moment full of awe. All of it, His.

Watching my nephew licking the plate after eating the birthday cake for Jesus my amazing parents have been baking for 30 years. Listening to my wonderful husband and brother clean the kitchen after Christmas dinner while my newly expecting sister-in-law and myself rested in the living room. Celebrating with my precious in-laws and courageous sister-in-law for her 30th birthday. All while feeling my daughter wiggling and moving as she grows.

Family is God's creation. He gave us His very own Son. He delights in our love. He planned every bit of it. It's all His.

Then finally spending New Year's Eve with dear friends. Friends we laugh with. Friends who let us love them. And friends who love us right back.

Fellowshipping with wonderful people. People who have become family. People we know are heaven sent. Friendship. It's all His.

Without a doubt, the Lord spent this year showing me just how much all of that is His. I am not in charge and I do not have to be. He wants to lead me and bless me if I will only follow His lead.

So 2010, Lord, it's all Yours. I cannot wait to see what miracles You have waiting for us. But I know I will not doubt that every moment of it, the good, the sad, the wonderful, are all created by Your hands.