Got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I’m so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I’m free to be me
- Fransesca Battistelli
The real question is why in the world has this song not shown up on “So You Think You Can Dance”? It’s just screaming for a contemporary dancer who can fly through the air.
So this has not been an easy week at work. I’ve had to do some things out of my comfort zone. Way out, like dropped me in Holland with braided hair and asked me to yodel for my life out. Or for Taco Bell. Because I would totally do it for either.
Wednesday night I somehow found myself in the bowels of my office building, with about 50 other poor souls still working at 7:00 pm, waiting for the tornado warning to pass. I was watching my boss in her white suit and champagne heels working furiously on her blackberry and looking rather disappointed she was forced to leave her desk (and thus her work) in favor of personal safety. She’d done so willingly but I knew this would add another hour on to her already late night.
So of course, when you’re hiding in a basement hoping the tornado will not hit your building, you immediately starting thinking about your life. Cliché I realize but honestly, tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing. I started clicking off the images in my head of both my amazingly wonderful weekend and my less than, well, even good, week. Such a contrast. I thought about Fanny handing me tissues and reminding me I didn’t have to hide myself. Only to then think about what I’d been doing this week. And then I had the Ah-ha thought as I was watching my boss.
I thought, “I am really trying to be the person she wants me to be.”
And I wasn’t thinking that with any malice. Really, more sorrow. She has this vision of who she wants to fill this position and by golly, she’s doing her best to mold me into that vision.
But I don’t mold very well.
Goodness, I want so much to be that person. I like that person. I respect her. I admire her. I’m genuinely impressed by her.
But what I am is someone far different.
And then this morning as I was showering and praying (really, ya’ll don’t think God minds that do you?), I realized (or He showed me) that I was trying to be someone I didn’t need to be. It’s okay to just be me.
Flawed. Infertile. Scared. Reserved. Me.
I started thinking about the people I love the most and who they are. And how unafraid they are to be themselves.
Widow, mother, orphan, wife, crazy, sister, friend, teacher, husband, child.
Thank you Lord for reminding me no matter how someone else sees me or tries to change me that You know my heart. Thank you for giving me friends and family brave enough to show me who they are and teach me it's okay to do the same. You and all of them love me complete with my dents and rips.
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I’m so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I’m free to be me
- Fransesca Battistelli
The real question is why in the world has this song not shown up on “So You Think You Can Dance”? It’s just screaming for a contemporary dancer who can fly through the air.
So this has not been an easy week at work. I’ve had to do some things out of my comfort zone. Way out, like dropped me in Holland with braided hair and asked me to yodel for my life out. Or for Taco Bell. Because I would totally do it for either.
Wednesday night I somehow found myself in the bowels of my office building, with about 50 other poor souls still working at 7:00 pm, waiting for the tornado warning to pass. I was watching my boss in her white suit and champagne heels working furiously on her blackberry and looking rather disappointed she was forced to leave her desk (and thus her work) in favor of personal safety. She’d done so willingly but I knew this would add another hour on to her already late night.
So of course, when you’re hiding in a basement hoping the tornado will not hit your building, you immediately starting thinking about your life. Cliché I realize but honestly, tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing. I started clicking off the images in my head of both my amazingly wonderful weekend and my less than, well, even good, week. Such a contrast. I thought about Fanny handing me tissues and reminding me I didn’t have to hide myself. Only to then think about what I’d been doing this week. And then I had the Ah-ha thought as I was watching my boss.
I thought, “I am really trying to be the person she wants me to be.”
And I wasn’t thinking that with any malice. Really, more sorrow. She has this vision of who she wants to fill this position and by golly, she’s doing her best to mold me into that vision.
But I don’t mold very well.
Goodness, I want so much to be that person. I like that person. I respect her. I admire her. I’m genuinely impressed by her.
But what I am is someone far different.
And then this morning as I was showering and praying (really, ya’ll don’t think God minds that do you?), I realized (or He showed me) that I was trying to be someone I didn’t need to be. It’s okay to just be me.
Flawed. Infertile. Scared. Reserved. Me.
I started thinking about the people I love the most and who they are. And how unafraid they are to be themselves.
Widow, mother, orphan, wife, crazy, sister, friend, teacher, husband, child.
Thank you Lord for reminding me no matter how someone else sees me or tries to change me that You know my heart. Thank you for giving me friends and family brave enough to show me who they are and teach me it's okay to do the same. You and all of them love me complete with my dents and rips.
LOVE it. This post is amazing and honest and true, and I LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome post!! I struggle with being who others want me to be - I'm a people pleaser. I need to remember to be myself and focus on pleasing God!
ReplyDeletep.s. That song is a roll down the windows, crank up the volume, and belt it out kind of song!! Love it!!