Yesterday I experienced something I've never had before.
A migraine.
Jealous, I know.
Around 2ish, I started seeing these blurry spots all over my computer screen. It progressively got more and more difficult to read until I finally realized something was wrong and no, it wasn't a spot on my contacts. I pretty much felt like I was going insane. I literally thought, I've done it. Sign me up for the next padded cell.
So I did what any normal crazy person would do. I called people to tell them.
I said to Chris, "I don't want to be all hypochondriacal here but I'm seeing spots." He said I should call the doctor. And I did.
Voicemail.
By this time, my head is starting to really hurt. More than my normal headache. This was serious.
So I moved on down the list of people to call. Mom was out of town and besides, she's seen enough serious illness that she's never all that impressed with my stress-induced aliments. She doesn't laugh at me outright but I can hear it in her voice. It's alright. I understand.
Instead, I called Linda. She calmly listened to my speech which yes, once again included the fabulous word " hypochondriacal ". She asked to describe the spots and the pain in my head. I did and she said, "You have a migraine." She then proceeded to list some triggers that might have caused this and suggested I might consider eliminating those from my diet.
Chocolate (Check: Cocoa Krispies for breakfast)
Chinese Food (Check: Pei Wei for lunch)
Caffeine (Check: DDP all day long)
She suggested I take 4 Advil, since I didn’t have Advil Migraine Gel Caps on hand, and drink a full bottle of water.
Then the phone rang. Ouch. Seriously, why so loud?
It was the doctor and again, we went through the whole spot things, the pain and now the really loud noises. She said, "You have a migraine. How fast can you get here?" And 15 minutes later I was in the doctor's office trying to read and fill out some updated paperwork with all those blurry spots dancing around the page.
Okay, why, during my first migraine does the doctor's office have to be filled with children screaming and elderly people in desperate need of new hearing aid batteries????? I sat there with my eyes closed trying not to throw up for 30 minutes.
I finally headed back to the office but not before we stopped for a weigh in. My throbbing head, my lurching stomach and my dancing spots do not need to be weighed. Can we just get some where dark and quiet? Please? We got into the office and I was blinded by the fluorescent lights. I took off my suit coat, laid down on the table and put the coat over my head.
More vital signs had to be taken. Temperature 98.2, heart rate 82 and blood pressure 102/60. That's great; I'm normal. Except that those numbers are normal for normal people. Not hypochondriacal people such as myself. My temperature runs in the high 96's, my heart rate in the high 60’s and BP in the 90/60's range. And while we're at it, knock 3 or 4 pounds off that weigh in too, will ya?
Vitals taken, I settled back in under my protective suit cover. 5 minutes later Doogie Howser, M.D. comes in. Really, he could not have been a day over 16. So Doogie laughs at me lying on the table and covered with my suit coat. I cringe. Could we whisper, please?
We go over my symptoms…again. Is no one writing this stuff down? And he says, "You have a migraine." Established that, thank you. Now what can you do to fix it?
A shot.
Okay, so I tried to act all cool about this. I don't want to be "that girl" especially in front on someone who graduated from high school like 3 minutes ago.
Now it’s his turn to tell me all the things I will now have to remove from my diet. Darn, there’s that caffeine thing again. Okay, but Doogie, hear me out. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t drive without a seatbelt or even run with scissors. Diet Dr Pepper is all I’ve got. He then says he understands and even he enjoys a Diet Coke every now and then.
Sweet boy. Diet Coke and Diet Dr Pepper are sooo not the same thing.
I decided that I’d give cutting out everything but the caffeine a try and see what happens. I’m armed with drugs now so no reason not to try that approach.
Doogie leaves and the nurse returns. I tell her I'm going to continue to lie there with the coat over my head if that's okay and she says, "Sure, just roll over." Whoa. A shot in the buttocks means one thing and one thing only: It's large and it will hurt.
I immediately become "that girl" and tried to weasel out of the whole thing. To her credit, the nurse wasn't havin' it. She basically told me to get over myself and roll over.
And I did. Happily, I felt significantly better in about an hour. Ridiculously sleepy, but no more spots. People talking didn't get less annoying though. I wonder if there's a shot for that?
A migraine.
Jealous, I know.
Around 2ish, I started seeing these blurry spots all over my computer screen. It progressively got more and more difficult to read until I finally realized something was wrong and no, it wasn't a spot on my contacts. I pretty much felt like I was going insane. I literally thought, I've done it. Sign me up for the next padded cell.
So I did what any normal crazy person would do. I called people to tell them.
I said to Chris, "I don't want to be all hypochondriacal here but I'm seeing spots." He said I should call the doctor. And I did.
Voicemail.
By this time, my head is starting to really hurt. More than my normal headache. This was serious.
So I moved on down the list of people to call. Mom was out of town and besides, she's seen enough serious illness that she's never all that impressed with my stress-induced aliments. She doesn't laugh at me outright but I can hear it in her voice. It's alright. I understand.
Instead, I called Linda. She calmly listened to my speech which yes, once again included the fabulous word " hypochondriacal ". She asked to describe the spots and the pain in my head. I did and she said, "You have a migraine." She then proceeded to list some triggers that might have caused this and suggested I might consider eliminating those from my diet.
Chocolate (Check: Cocoa Krispies for breakfast)
Chinese Food (Check: Pei Wei for lunch)
Caffeine (Check: DDP all day long)
She suggested I take 4 Advil, since I didn’t have Advil Migraine Gel Caps on hand, and drink a full bottle of water.
Then the phone rang. Ouch. Seriously, why so loud?
It was the doctor and again, we went through the whole spot things, the pain and now the really loud noises. She said, "You have a migraine. How fast can you get here?" And 15 minutes later I was in the doctor's office trying to read and fill out some updated paperwork with all those blurry spots dancing around the page.
Okay, why, during my first migraine does the doctor's office have to be filled with children screaming and elderly people in desperate need of new hearing aid batteries????? I sat there with my eyes closed trying not to throw up for 30 minutes.
I finally headed back to the office but not before we stopped for a weigh in. My throbbing head, my lurching stomach and my dancing spots do not need to be weighed. Can we just get some where dark and quiet? Please? We got into the office and I was blinded by the fluorescent lights. I took off my suit coat, laid down on the table and put the coat over my head.
More vital signs had to be taken. Temperature 98.2, heart rate 82 and blood pressure 102/60. That's great; I'm normal. Except that those numbers are normal for normal people. Not hypochondriacal people such as myself. My temperature runs in the high 96's, my heart rate in the high 60’s and BP in the 90/60's range. And while we're at it, knock 3 or 4 pounds off that weigh in too, will ya?
Vitals taken, I settled back in under my protective suit cover. 5 minutes later Doogie Howser, M.D. comes in. Really, he could not have been a day over 16. So Doogie laughs at me lying on the table and covered with my suit coat. I cringe. Could we whisper, please?
We go over my symptoms…again. Is no one writing this stuff down? And he says, "You have a migraine." Established that, thank you. Now what can you do to fix it?
A shot.
Okay, so I tried to act all cool about this. I don't want to be "that girl" especially in front on someone who graduated from high school like 3 minutes ago.
Now it’s his turn to tell me all the things I will now have to remove from my diet. Darn, there’s that caffeine thing again. Okay, but Doogie, hear me out. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t drive without a seatbelt or even run with scissors. Diet Dr Pepper is all I’ve got. He then says he understands and even he enjoys a Diet Coke every now and then.
Sweet boy. Diet Coke and Diet Dr Pepper are sooo not the same thing.
I decided that I’d give cutting out everything but the caffeine a try and see what happens. I’m armed with drugs now so no reason not to try that approach.
Doogie leaves and the nurse returns. I tell her I'm going to continue to lie there with the coat over my head if that's okay and she says, "Sure, just roll over." Whoa. A shot in the buttocks means one thing and one thing only: It's large and it will hurt.
I immediately become "that girl" and tried to weasel out of the whole thing. To her credit, the nurse wasn't havin' it. She basically told me to get over myself and roll over.
And I did. Happily, I felt significantly better in about an hour. Ridiculously sleepy, but no more spots. People talking didn't get less annoying though. I wonder if there's a shot for that?
No comments:
Post a Comment