Gratitude Friday...

My brain is a little scattered today.  I have been frantically scrapbooking and I am SO CLOSE to being done.  Like, done done DONE.  And then the scrapbook stuff gets put away.  Mostly for good.  

Also, then Aubrey Kate will be allowed to have all my left over paper and stickers at which point, SHE WILL DIE OF DELIGHT.  

She's been begging for two weeks.  

What's left is Chris' doctoral graduation, Pumpkin's 2nd birthday, her sprinkler party, Rhys' 1st birthday party and THAT'S IT.  

I might pass out.

Last summer, I scrapbooked like crazy to finish Home Boy's first year book.  His party will be the last pages in that book.  Then the blog takes over for documentation.  

Because I need super cute Elmo birthday party embellishments and maybe a couple of things to spruce up a few lots of quickly done layouts...and because I just wanna...I'm planning one last trip down to the scrapbook store in Waxahachie.  A small town about 35 minutes south of our house in Mansfield. Or 90 minutes from me up here.  There's a great little cafe and shop for lunch.  Several antique stores.  And the scrapbook store to end all scrapbook stores.  

I will miss it.  

Honestly, I love doing it.  

Took me two days to do the belly pics from Rhys' pregnancy.  The pages turned out waaayyyyy frilly.  I mean, sure, there was a boy growing in there but I'm a girl and I had oh so much floral, vintage, loveliness.  Just made sense to use it for those.  I loved seeing that belly grow and now, since I'm not actually feeling any of the physical JOYS of pregnancy, I can see the beauty.  In the midst of it, especially in July, I wasn't so much feeling the beauty.

Which proves FEELING and BEING are two very different things.

And that leads me to this new development in our house.  

Lately, AK has been doing this super sweet helper thing.  Honestly, she's not a natural born helper.  She's in her own little world most of the time.  

For instance, this morning trying to leave the gym, I asked her four times....FOUR TIMES...to sit down and put on her shoes.  She's wasn't deliberately disobeying.  As in there wasn't a thought that went through her head that said, NO, I DON'T WANNA.  Cause if there had been, she would have totally said it out loud.  She was simply distracted by everything going on.  She'd colored two pictures and she was looking them over like I imagine Rembrant might have examined the Mona Lisa.  And really, it's hard to tear your attention away from those kinds of masterpieces.

So when she does want to help, it's not the usual.  Do as she's asked?  Most of the time.  Volunteer her assistance?  Nope.

Wednesday morning, as I was putting away the breakfast dishes, Rhys started running towards me with a book.  He wants to read ALL.THE.TIME.  Toddler reading is my least favorite kind.  Cause it's not so much reading as it is me starting sentences and the toddler turning the page too soon.  Makes my Type AAAAness crazy.  BUT I HAVEN'T FINISHED THIS PAGE.

Rhys is running saying "Read!  Read!  Read!"  I say, "Just a minute, Little Guy.  I need to finish the dishes."

Aubrey Kate stepped in and said, "I'll read to you, Rhys!  Come with me!"

And off they went to the playroom.  Where she made up a story to "read" while he turned pages.  

When I was done, I went in and she looked up.  "Am I doing a good, Momma?"

Which stopped me in my tracks.

She wanted me to praise her for doing something.  Needed me to praise her for doing something.  Craved my praise for doing something.  

I looked at her and said, "Aubrey Kate, you ARE awesome, sweet girl.  I love you so very much!"

Praise and love she gets but not because she did something.  

Because she IS something.

The Holy Spirit whispered, "Grace."

There are plenty of times my children need and earn rewards for doing something well.  Especially when they do something with a happy heart.  They are always thanked for doing a task quickly and properly.  Hugged for graciously sharing when asked.  Covered in kisses for completing a chore before being asked.  

But none of that makes me love them any more.  And not doing it doesn't make me love them any less.

I love them simply because they are my children.  

They are loved because they ARE.  Not because they DO.

My humanness wants so very much to DO for My Father.  I struggle to understand how He could love me simply because I am.  When what I FEEL I am is so very little.  

Grace.

Undeserved favor.  

I can't BE anything more or less than a beloved daughter of Christ.  But gosh, I often don't FEEL it.  

Grace.

And yet, I look at my amazing, gorgeous daughter and see GRACE.  

I layout pictures off a growing belly on sweet pink paper, see the glow of joy I had, hear my now almost two year old son sigh on the monitor during his nap and GRACE.

In those moments, I breathe in.  I soak it up.  I let my soul be filled with the truth of His Word, of His promise, of His love, of His grace.

And I am grateful.

Where are you are DOING instead of BEING?  What are FEELING instead of ACCEPTING?