Don't know about ya'll, but I am whipped.
I mean. Seriously. I feel like these past two weeks have just been complete insanity.
Let's recap, shall we?
Dissertation proposal.
Easter.
Interview for new job.
Tornadoes. Lots.
USA Enemy dead.
Babies, babies and more babies (hopefully!)
And there's the Thunder all over the place in there (NBA Playoffs. Ya'll!)
Besides the fact that I am physically tired, and snotty (thank you Spring), my heart is pretty much exhausted.
And yet, I realize, this is nothing, NOTHING, compared to what others, say who lost loved ones in the storms or in the war, are feeling right now. Still, in the Keeping it Real in 2011 train of thought, I want to share with ya'll whats been on my heart.
If you have an hour, keep reading. If not, I understand. But this is long so didn't want to let you read half-way through and then feel like this is longest post ever written but I just can't stop because she's put me in the middle of a whole hot mess of stuff but seriously, I have a job to do or laundry to fold or television to watch. Totally up to you. You might feel like you've been hit by an actual train and not just a train of thought by the end of this.
Our church is doing a focus on The Big Story. We are learning how to tell the story of Christ from the beginning. Not just His death and resurrection. During our Easter lesson, the teacher talked a great deal about the gift Christ gave us of eternity. We talked about how that changes our daily focus. Alters the course of our lives. Redirects our journey through this life.
As we drove home from church that day, I had that discussion sitting on my heart. But I knew, that for me, eternity wasn't a daily thought. I certainly am looking forward to the day I finally get to meet my Savior face to face. And selfishly, I am anxious to see my loved ones and the babies I never had the opportunity to meet here.
But if I'm being honest with myself, my life with Christ has more to do with His love for me. And my love for Him. I talk with Him, give Him my praise and seek to follow His will for our life not because of anything I get out of the deal but simply because He is I AM.
Although, what I've gotten out the deal is more than I could ever deserve in a million lifetimes. Much less this short life.
Eternity is so far off in my very human brain. It's much more about my relationship with Him today. Right here where I am now. Eternity is taken care of and I guess I pretty much take that completely for granted. Like I've tied it up in a pretty little box and put it on the shelf. I'll need it one day but today I need to get the vacuuming done.
This Saturday night, I got to a great chapter in the newest study I am working through. It's another Kelly Minter book. "Water Into Wine". It's pretty flippin' awesome. She's having us study word for word through the wedding at Cana.
So this chapter, Serving the Best Wine, she examines how we are "serving" Christianity to the world. Specifically, how American Christianity is being served. Kelly questions the reader about how we see ourselves in society. Are we a list of issues? Like do we identify ourselves to others when we say we are pro-life or we are home schooling our kids or we believe couples should "court" instead of dating. Or are we seeking to serve the best wine which is a relationship with Christ?
I've watched Christians beat other Christians up over an issue. Personally, I've seen faces fall when I tell someone our little girl is an IVF miracle. I know the questions behind that face. Why didn't you adopt? What if God didn't want you to be a mother? Doesn't that serve science more than Christ? That person doesn't ask me about the journey to our daughter. Doesn't ask me how God led us to follow that path. Isn't curious how He changed our lives. Could care less about how He might have changed other lives in the process. Because they have decided where they stand on the issue of infertility and whoa be unto us for being called in a different direction.
And at the same time, I know I'm not offering people the best wine. I may not define myself by issues but I'm not defining myself through how I love others either. I fail every single day to show Jesus and His love to others. Heck, I fail at doing it in my own house much less to the people I interact with.
And while I was thinking it through, I broke it down even further. Who exactly do I interact with? Really. It's my friends and family. Who are largely Christians. I'm not offering Jesus to anyone who needs Him. Basically, again, if I'm being honest, I serve other Christians but not a single person outside of my own little Christian bubble.
Then Sunday night. Public Enemy #1...dead.
It was actually sort of humorous in our house.
In one room, Chris is glued to the TV watching every second. Tweeting and updating his status with his thoughts. He was genuinely happy to have this evil man who has killed so many people in all parts of the world gone from this life. Had there been a spontaneous celebration in our neighborhood, he might have attended. Waving his flag as high as possible.
I get it.
Me? I was in the bedroom flipping back and forth between TLC and HGTV. The network news had interrupted the end of Celebrity Apprentice (um, so very transparent there Mr. President), so I had moved on to my usual mindless TV while waiting for the President to speak. And he took his time. By the time he made his announcement, I was pretty sad and more than a little nervous. Sad for a life that will now have to spend eternity apart from Christ. Sad he never met Jesus. Sad for the lives he ended while here. Sad for the families still feeling the loss of that. Sad for the soldiers who have spent ten years looking for him and for their families who have likewise spent ten years waiting for this war to end.
And nervous for the reactions of others to our jubilant celebrations over the death of a human being. Nervous for retaliation and the lives that will cost. Nervous for the soldiers serving right now and for their families at home who have no doubt thought about what this might mean for their loved one.
I know God is not celebrating the loss of one of His children.
Suddenly, in the tragic end of that one life, eternity and wine came together.
I suspect he was not served the best "wine". He was not served the Jesus I love. And eternity is a long time ya'll.
Let me tell you. This hit me hard.
So my prayers have changed. They'd gotten pretty selfish lately anyway and I really can't stand that. God knows what I want. It's not like it's some big surprise.
But now I find I am praying for our soldiers and their families like never before. Praying for the tornado victims. Praying for the relief workers and the churches seeking to minister to those in need. Praying for the families still waiting to find loved ones. Praying for those who lost loved ones in terror attacks. Praying for those who live each day in a war zone. Praying for the missionaries who are in all those places. Praying for the families of those missionaries. Praying for the people the Lord will call to the mission field will heed the call.
I don't know the names or even the faces of a single one of those people. But my God does. He knew them, each one, before they were formed in their mother's womb. He knows the number of hairs on their head. He know the exact number of their days on this earth. And above all, He loves them each as His chosen treasure.
I am praying for their safety, for His comfort and most importantly, for someone to show each and every one of them the best wine.
Jesus.
Not a plate full of issues.
Just Jesus.
My calling is to show them His love. In however He calls me to do that. And just like I know He called us to infertility and IVF, just like I know He called me to leave my job, I know He will give me the opportunity to love. It's time for me to take that box of eternity off the shelf and open up the best wine.
I mean. Seriously. I feel like these past two weeks have just been complete insanity.
Let's recap, shall we?
Dissertation proposal.
Easter.
Interview for new job.
Tornadoes. Lots.
USA Enemy dead.
Babies, babies and more babies (hopefully!)
And there's the Thunder all over the place in there (NBA Playoffs. Ya'll!)
Besides the fact that I am physically tired, and snotty (thank you Spring), my heart is pretty much exhausted.
And yet, I realize, this is nothing, NOTHING, compared to what others, say who lost loved ones in the storms or in the war, are feeling right now. Still, in the Keeping it Real in 2011 train of thought, I want to share with ya'll whats been on my heart.
If you have an hour, keep reading. If not, I understand. But this is long so didn't want to let you read half-way through and then feel like this is longest post ever written but I just can't stop because she's put me in the middle of a whole hot mess of stuff but seriously, I have a job to do or laundry to fold or television to watch. Totally up to you. You might feel like you've been hit by an actual train and not just a train of thought by the end of this.
Our church is doing a focus on The Big Story. We are learning how to tell the story of Christ from the beginning. Not just His death and resurrection. During our Easter lesson, the teacher talked a great deal about the gift Christ gave us of eternity. We talked about how that changes our daily focus. Alters the course of our lives. Redirects our journey through this life.
As we drove home from church that day, I had that discussion sitting on my heart. But I knew, that for me, eternity wasn't a daily thought. I certainly am looking forward to the day I finally get to meet my Savior face to face. And selfishly, I am anxious to see my loved ones and the babies I never had the opportunity to meet here.
But if I'm being honest with myself, my life with Christ has more to do with His love for me. And my love for Him. I talk with Him, give Him my praise and seek to follow His will for our life not because of anything I get out of the deal but simply because He is I AM.
Although, what I've gotten out the deal is more than I could ever deserve in a million lifetimes. Much less this short life.
Eternity is so far off in my very human brain. It's much more about my relationship with Him today. Right here where I am now. Eternity is taken care of and I guess I pretty much take that completely for granted. Like I've tied it up in a pretty little box and put it on the shelf. I'll need it one day but today I need to get the vacuuming done.
This Saturday night, I got to a great chapter in the newest study I am working through. It's another Kelly Minter book. "Water Into Wine". It's pretty flippin' awesome. She's having us study word for word through the wedding at Cana.
So this chapter, Serving the Best Wine, she examines how we are "serving" Christianity to the world. Specifically, how American Christianity is being served. Kelly questions the reader about how we see ourselves in society. Are we a list of issues? Like do we identify ourselves to others when we say we are pro-life or we are home schooling our kids or we believe couples should "court" instead of dating. Or are we seeking to serve the best wine which is a relationship with Christ?
I've watched Christians beat other Christians up over an issue. Personally, I've seen faces fall when I tell someone our little girl is an IVF miracle. I know the questions behind that face. Why didn't you adopt? What if God didn't want you to be a mother? Doesn't that serve science more than Christ? That person doesn't ask me about the journey to our daughter. Doesn't ask me how God led us to follow that path. Isn't curious how He changed our lives. Could care less about how He might have changed other lives in the process. Because they have decided where they stand on the issue of infertility and whoa be unto us for being called in a different direction.
And at the same time, I know I'm not offering people the best wine. I may not define myself by issues but I'm not defining myself through how I love others either. I fail every single day to show Jesus and His love to others. Heck, I fail at doing it in my own house much less to the people I interact with.
And while I was thinking it through, I broke it down even further. Who exactly do I interact with? Really. It's my friends and family. Who are largely Christians. I'm not offering Jesus to anyone who needs Him. Basically, again, if I'm being honest, I serve other Christians but not a single person outside of my own little Christian bubble.
Then Sunday night. Public Enemy #1...dead.
It was actually sort of humorous in our house.
In one room, Chris is glued to the TV watching every second. Tweeting and updating his status with his thoughts. He was genuinely happy to have this evil man who has killed so many people in all parts of the world gone from this life. Had there been a spontaneous celebration in our neighborhood, he might have attended. Waving his flag as high as possible.
I get it.
Me? I was in the bedroom flipping back and forth between TLC and HGTV. The network news had interrupted the end of Celebrity Apprentice (um, so very transparent there Mr. President), so I had moved on to my usual mindless TV while waiting for the President to speak. And he took his time. By the time he made his announcement, I was pretty sad and more than a little nervous. Sad for a life that will now have to spend eternity apart from Christ. Sad he never met Jesus. Sad for the lives he ended while here. Sad for the families still feeling the loss of that. Sad for the soldiers who have spent ten years looking for him and for their families who have likewise spent ten years waiting for this war to end.
And nervous for the reactions of others to our jubilant celebrations over the death of a human being. Nervous for retaliation and the lives that will cost. Nervous for the soldiers serving right now and for their families at home who have no doubt thought about what this might mean for their loved one.
I know God is not celebrating the loss of one of His children.
Suddenly, in the tragic end of that one life, eternity and wine came together.
I suspect he was not served the best "wine". He was not served the Jesus I love. And eternity is a long time ya'll.
Let me tell you. This hit me hard.
So my prayers have changed. They'd gotten pretty selfish lately anyway and I really can't stand that. God knows what I want. It's not like it's some big surprise.
But now I find I am praying for our soldiers and their families like never before. Praying for the tornado victims. Praying for the relief workers and the churches seeking to minister to those in need. Praying for the families still waiting to find loved ones. Praying for those who lost loved ones in terror attacks. Praying for those who live each day in a war zone. Praying for the missionaries who are in all those places. Praying for the families of those missionaries. Praying for the people the Lord will call to the mission field will heed the call.
I don't know the names or even the faces of a single one of those people. But my God does. He knew them, each one, before they were formed in their mother's womb. He knows the number of hairs on their head. He know the exact number of their days on this earth. And above all, He loves them each as His chosen treasure.
I am praying for their safety, for His comfort and most importantly, for someone to show each and every one of them the best wine.
Jesus.
Not a plate full of issues.
Just Jesus.
My calling is to show them His love. In however He calls me to do that. And just like I know He called us to infertility and IVF, just like I know He called me to leave my job, I know He will give me the opportunity to love. It's time for me to take that box of eternity off the shelf and open up the best wine.
No comments:
Post a Comment