Keeping It Real in 2011: What’s my false idol?...

Ya’ll.

Thank you so much for all your sweet comments and emails after my little announcement Monday!

And since I know you’re all about to bust wanting to know how everyone at work reacted, I must tell you that it was epic.

The Shoulder Shrug Heard Round the World.

Seriously.

My boss said she was expecting it because I hadn’t really been happy since I’d come back from maternity leave. Which is totally not true. I wasn’t happy before I left for maternity leave so really, it wasn’t a new state of being. And actually, I was happier after Aubrey Kate was born. See post on post-partum depression and drugs.

Drugs rock.

My staff was a little more shocked. Thankfully. There were some gasps and mouths dropped open. That was comforting. At the very least, I know I was fooling some of the people some of the time. Although that wasn’t a goal necessarily, I do like knowing I wasn’t Debbie Downer for everyone in the office.

My colleagues’ response was outstanding. Lots of support and high fives. THEY are the ones I will miss. I had the privilege of working with some amazing people both in Texas and in Oklahoma. Since I feel I will be forced to join Facebook by my Sunday School class, I am certain we will be able to keep in touch.

Let’s not discuss Facebook shall we? It makes me sad.

When you leave something like a job, it always serves as such an awesome reminder of just how easily replaceable we all are.

Hi. Debbie Downer reporting for duty.

The good news is that is not at all true in God’s kingdom. He’s got a plan and He needs us all to do the work He’s called us to.

Which leads me to the whole bizarre title of this post: What’s my false idol?

Alright. The ladies in my Sunday School class as well as my SIL’s blog bible study are all working our way through No Other Gods by Kelly Minter.

It. Is. Fabulous.

Through the study we are looking to find those things in our life that we worship apart from Christ. It’s been an eye-opening concept for me. I’m kinda like Kelly in that since I’ve grown up in church my vision of a false god was the proverbial golden calf people would bow down to worship and make sacrifices to.

I am fresh out of golden calves in my house.

The study is challenging us to change that thinking. Anything can be an idol. That much we’ve all probably heard at some point during a Sunday morning sermon. You know. You can’t serve two masters. Are you serving money? Yadda, yadda, yadda.

We’re also talking about stuff like your children, a hobby, working-out, your spouse and on and on and on.

So while I may have known that I could be putting something like my daughter before my Savior, I had never considered the fact that I might be actually putting her up as a false idol. That she, more than God, could be my motivation, the thing I set my heart on. The thing I bow down, worship and daily make sacrifices to and for.

Hum.

The last session of this past week was on Fear. Kelly says fear is not the idol (no one seeks to live in fear) but it protects our idol. Okay. So think about what you’re afraid of and then look behind that fear. That’s the idol.

I feel like I hit the worship of my family last week. God and I are working on me letting go of that.

But this week, what with quitting my job and all, God was challenging me to look at more than just a thing or a person or even a goal. Basically, He said “look, we both know you’ve put working-out, scrapbooking, writing, shopping, cleaning, cooking, TV and even a hot bath ahead of me. That’s an established fact. But what about the very depths of your personality? What are you holding on to about who you are, your identity, that you worship?”

Um…what?

So I started looking at what I fear and working backwards. I figured might as well go with my very favorite fear first. Being a soccer mom.

I love this fear. I pet it and feed it during my work day. I sit it on the counter at home so I can wave to it as I scurry past doing my chores on the weekend. I snuggle up to it at night and let it comfort me as I try and sleep without mentally going through my never-ending to do list.

But I needed to get more specific. I fear not getting dressed until noon. I fear being able to discuss only the latest shows on Nick Jr. or reading only Dr. Seuss. I fear becoming uninteresting to my husband. I fear being a taxi service. I fear getting hooked on a soap opera. I fear relying solely on my husband and daughter for praise, appreciation and respect. I fear losing myself. I fear being a stereotype.

And there it was. The real fear.

I fear being ordinary.

Breakthrough. That makes total sense. Of course!

So what’s the idol my fear of being ordinary is protecting?

The idol of being Extra Ordinary.

One of my favorite days as a new-working mommy was in August. I had been back at work a little over a month. Pumpkin was still waking up around 3:30 am every morning wanting to eat. I was doing that feeding and then basically starting my day. So when Saturday came around, I saw no reason to change that.

This particular Saturday baby got up at 3:15 am. She ate and went back to sleep. I got dressed, went to the gym, ran 3 miles, showered, dressed, went to the grocery store and was back home to eat breakfast and wake the baby up by 7:00 am. That day was a normal Saturday with playing, chores and naps except that Mrs. Eartha and Posty were coming over for dinner that night. So I cleaned and cooked and made the house all ready for guests. They came for dinner, which was grilled chicken, roasted veggies, potatoes and dessert. And it was yummy. After we put the baby down for the night, they stayed and we talked until after 10 pm. By the time I got in bed, I’d been up like 20 hours.

The best part was hearing my friends and my husband telling me how Super Human that was. And me shrugging my shoulders saying it was just a normal day. Nothing really.

I loved every stinkin’ second of that praise.

Being the person who could do it all is a huge motivation for me. There’s also a whole lot of sinning going on around that. It causes me to more than just a little prideful. A whole lot of selfish. With a side dish of holier than thou.

And so we’ve found my golden calf.

Does God want us to live extraordinary lives?

Yep. But only for His glory. And we won’t be able to do it by ourselves. He has to make your life extraordinary. No amount of running or working or cooking or being the perfect hostess will make my life extraordinary.

So I’ve got some work to do. Being okay with simply “being” is going to be hard for me. I love praise. I love to be adored (did you hear my husband nodding in agreement with that?). And I love being able to do it all.

Only that I don’t. Because in attempting to, I leave God out of my plans and instead worship at the feet of a desire for my better to be better than anyone else’s better.

So what are your fears? What keeps you from “sleeping the sweet sleep”? Where are you hiding your golden calf?