Gratitude Friday plus an extra day at no charge...

Thank you so much for your prayers for Sarah and Audrey! Little One is doing much better - even pink and eating! Another wonderful miracle. Praise to our heavenly Father!

I have to tell you I've been sitting here having myself a really good cry since reading Sarah's news. Not entirely sure why. I am joyous and humbled by yet another miracle I have had the privilege of witnessing.

Excited for Tabitha and her little miracle baby. She sent another nursery idea last night. And the words from "His Eye Is On the Sparrow" which always do me in.

Awe struck after a morning of working in our church's charity Christmas Store. Mission Arlington has a Christmas Store each year where families can "shop" for gifts for their children. By the time I got there at 9 this morning, 600 families were already in the building "shopping". And it wasn't scheduled to open until 10 am. But the number of people standing in line wrapped around the block. So many people. Families. Children.

Struggling to take care of my little girl who has yet another ear infection while at the same time I am fighting my own cold. She wants to be held and played with and I feel so bad I want to just crawl into bed and sleep. But there are bottles to wash and toys to clean and laundry to do.

And I'm all by myself.

Chris is at another Saturday of judging something or other. He's gone a couple of nights a week doing the same thing. And I miss him.

A little disappointed in myself that my baby's first Christmas in our home will be minus a tree and all the decorations. I do not have the time or energy. I know Christmas has nothing to do with decorating but that doesn't bring me a whole lot of comfort. But I very simply cannot do it by myself and I'm not giving up time playing with my daughter so I can decorate knowing she will not remember it at all. So yes, I am disappointed in myself. I am not Superwoman.

Sad that I placed our order for pictures this week and I know there are a zillion others of my precious daughter I will never see again. I want every single picture. I want to plaster my walls with pictures of her. I want to see that smile every time I look up. Those moments Julie caught on camera are lost forever now.

Overwhelmed at how much I fall more and more in love with my daughter every day. I remember feeling her kick this time last year and thinking it was impossible for me to love her more. But every morning I walk into her room after listening to her babble in her crib. When I see that beautiful face, I melt. Every new skill she learns is a joy. Every syllable she babbles. Every face she makes eating a new food. Every little outfit I put her in. She grows more amazing to me every single day.

Aubrey Kate is rather frustrated these days that she cannot yet crawl. She's up on all fours doing the baby rock but that's it. Unless she's in the bathtub. Then we are lightening fast. We are loving the game of going from one end to the other trying to reach the drain. She's fascinated by the shiny drain and faucet. Every time she reaches it, she squeals with joy. And I laugh right along with her.

But then I have to move her back to the other end.

Because I know she's strong enough to open that drain but not strong enough to keep it open. What if she were to get a finger caught in there? Or how much would her sweet little head bleed if she were to knock her head on the faucet? She's just tall enough to do some serious damage. And the plastic mat doesn't reach all the way to the front of the tub so should she slip, she'd be under the water in the blink of an eye.

One night this week as I was playing this little game with her, I began to think about the number of times my Savior does the same thing to me. He lets me struggle to reach something only to take the goal out of reach again. Sometimes that's because there are lots of baby steps in between me and what He's called me to do. But likely more often than not it's because I shouldn't be reaching for that goal in the first place.

How often in my life have I reached for things that are not in Christ's plan for me? Shiny things that have a value only as an earthly prize? A bigger house? Personal accolades? A bigger bonus? A smaller waist? A promotion? The cutest outfit? The fanciest vacation?

So I sit here today, listening to the music from Sarah's blog, watching my precious child sleeping in her crib and feeling like my life and heart are just a mess of emotions. I'm reaching for something but I'm not sure what really. The Lord has a plan but I don't fully understand where He wants me to go. I only know that my heart is longing for something more. Something more sacrificial. Something that will be a daily offering to my Savior. Something much bigger than shiny objects on trees or spending a few hours on a Saturday helping wrap Christmas presents at Mission Arlington.

Because I know that as much as I love my daughter, the Lord's love for me far eclipses that. He sent His son to save me. To die on a cross. To give me a life with Him forever in His home. He wants every picture of me. Plastered on the walls of the home He's preparing for me. He wants to spend time talking with me instead of watching me flutter around doing chores. He wants to shout for joy with me when I serve His children in His name. And He wants to help me find His plan for my life knowing full well I will have to give up my desires for the shiny things on earth.

So what am I grateful for in all this mess of emotions? The struggle of getting from one end of the tub to the other. I am grateful to have a reason to struggle for God. Grateful that He has a plan and it's not always easy to figure out. Grateful He molds me and sharpens me. Grateful I serve a God who loves me so much He doesn't make it easy every day. Grateful He challenges me and moves the goal out of reach. Grateful He doesn't let me reach my selfish frivolous earthly goals. But makes me uncomfortable enough to realize His plans are better. Grateful He gives me a day to have a good cry and adjust my focus. Grateful, simply to be loved by Jesus.