Last Sunday, one of the leaders of my infertility support group emailed me to ask if I would write a note of encouragement and hope for the ladies in the group. I read the email after church and just before Mrs. Eartha’s baby shower. Wonderful timing! I was holding my little miracle and on my way to celebrate Mrs. Eartha’s miracle.
The more I thought about my note though, the more overwhelmed I got. I kept thinking about all 114 things I wanted to say. Then I would immediately question all 114 of them. Would that have been something I would have wanted to hear? Would that have hurt my feelings? Would that bring comfort or more pain? But didn’t I already know that?
Finally, on my way to the shower, I threw it up to the Lord and said, Please give me the words. The next morning, I had put Pumpkin down for her nap and was at my computer ready to at least give the note a good ole college try. Over an hour later, the Lord had revealed some amazing things about our journey. And that’s what I wrote.
So many sweet friends are waiting for their own miracles. I love you all and am praying for your future families in the Lord’s perfect timing.
Sweet sisters in Christ,
When Allison asked if I would write a note to share with you, my first thought was, “Oh it’s completely worth the wait!” But you already know that. You feel in your heart a calling to be a mother and you know without a doubt holding your child will make the entire journey not only worth it but the wait will seem so brief in comparison to the enormity of the love you feel for your child.
But I also know all that knowledge and even feeling it 100% in your heart does not make the wait easier every day. Some days, yes, but not every day. Infertility takes over your entire life. The oppression of doubt, worry, fear and sadness is hard to see out of. I reached a point where I no longer wanted to be a slave to all that but I had no idea how to crawl out from under it. All I knew was I was tired of listening to moms complaining about sleepless nights, pregnant women moaning about swollen feet and dads rolling their eyes when their two year old dropped another toy in the check-out line.
The more I thought about my note though, the more overwhelmed I got. I kept thinking about all 114 things I wanted to say. Then I would immediately question all 114 of them. Would that have been something I would have wanted to hear? Would that have hurt my feelings? Would that bring comfort or more pain? But didn’t I already know that?
Finally, on my way to the shower, I threw it up to the Lord and said, Please give me the words. The next morning, I had put Pumpkin down for her nap and was at my computer ready to at least give the note a good ole college try. Over an hour later, the Lord had revealed some amazing things about our journey. And that’s what I wrote.
So many sweet friends are waiting for their own miracles. I love you all and am praying for your future families in the Lord’s perfect timing.
Sweet sisters in Christ,
When Allison asked if I would write a note to share with you, my first thought was, “Oh it’s completely worth the wait!” But you already know that. You feel in your heart a calling to be a mother and you know without a doubt holding your child will make the entire journey not only worth it but the wait will seem so brief in comparison to the enormity of the love you feel for your child.
But I also know all that knowledge and even feeling it 100% in your heart does not make the wait easier every day. Some days, yes, but not every day. Infertility takes over your entire life. The oppression of doubt, worry, fear and sadness is hard to see out of. I reached a point where I no longer wanted to be a slave to all that but I had no idea how to crawl out from under it. All I knew was I was tired of listening to moms complaining about sleepless nights, pregnant women moaning about swollen feet and dads rolling their eyes when their two year old dropped another toy in the check-out line.
The Lord led me, instead, to do the opposite. Where complaining and longing were for others (and for myself, although I longed for only one thing), I would replace that with thankfulness. I believe my first gratitude list was for an apple, a Ginger Peach Target water and Beatles music. Earth-shattering stuff. The Lord took my meager attempts and changed my entire life. I began to see my life as over-flowing with blessings. And eventually, about a year and half later, I reached the point where I was praising God for my infertility.
Recently, I have been thinking more about not just the miracle of my daughter but the timing of my daughter. We tried and waited for almost three years. There were surgeries and procedures and tests. We went on an all organic diet, did acupuncture, took herbal supplements – basically, if it was available, we tried it.
What I know in my heart is the Lord could have given us Aubrey Kate without having to do any of that. He planned for us to have this precious girl before He spoke the sky into existence. But quick wasn’t His plan for us. He guided us through each step to her and answered our prayers by making His will known to us in obvious ways. Aubrey Kate needed us to go through this journey or she would not have gotten the parents God had planned for her. There was work to be done in our hearts. There was work to be done for the glory of His kingdom. And so we waited for her and she waited for us.
All of this, the waiting, the pain, surrendering to His will, it is all for His glory.
In His perfect timing, you will all have the family He has planned for you. No one can know when that will be or how that will be but when it does happen, it will not only have been worth the wait but it will have been a journey you would not trade in for any other experience in the entire world. It is what your Savior planned just for you and your little ones.
And it is completely, utterly, without a doubt worth the wait. Not just for the child but for the part you are each playing in His kingdom.
Much love,
Robin, Chris and Aubrey Kate
So well written! I look forward to your Gratitude Friday's, as they remind me to be thankful for the little things as I wait patiently on the Lord.
ReplyDeleteYour story is such an inspiration and I feel so blessed to "know" you. Love you!
Oh, Robin...so beautifully and perfectly written. An amazing reminder that God see's the bigger picture and we just have to trust that, and trust Him. And I'm loving the perspective that someday when I DO have babies...I will be the person God want's me to be at that specific time. But right now, as I wait, I'll do my best to let Him continue to shape and mold me into who I need to be, for Him, and for them.
ReplyDeleteThank you.