I’m going to try to do my best to say what I’m feeling as we’re waiting for our daughter’s debut. So even though my brain is pretty much mush and my thoughts are a running train of “she’ll be here soon….she’ll be here soon…she’ll be here soon”, I don’t want to miss a moment. I hope you can forgive me and my mushiness. She will actually be here soon and my posts will turn to more important things like gas, spit up and sleepless nights.
Sometime in the spring of 2006 while we were at church during a baby dedication, my ovaries did a back flip. Oh, you know, that moment when you realize you are very suddenly ready for a child. I leaned over to tell Chris and he laughed and then looked shocked. We’d been married for a little over five years and I had not at all been ready. Like would run screaming in the opposite direction not at all ready.
But everything changed in that moment.
Here we are four years later. We weren’t trying for a family that entire time. That came later. When Chris caught up with me. But we tried for quite a while. And now as we are counting down the days until Baby E’s scheduled arrival, I am very literally at a loss for words.
During the Easter presentation at church, I was so overwhelmed by our journey to this little girl that I cried through most of it. I sat there listening to the choir sing “Amazing Love” while feeling my daughter move. I thought about the year before. The huge lifestyle change. Grieving the loss of our little babies after IVF 1.5. And then I thought about all the women still waiting. My heart breaks for them. Thought about all the women who are holding their miracles and my heart rejoiced for them.
But then I got honest about this journey. What it had done for me and to me. Bottom line, the path gave me more than it took away. God gave me more.
I am much more patient. I am grateful for today and spend as little time as possible thinking about the future. I find joy in the small miracles instead of looking only for the large ones. I have a much greater understanding of my role in the Lord’s kingdom. It’s not about me; it’s about Him and my willingness to be a part. More than ever, I appreciate the prayers of friends and family. What an amazing gift. I am thrilled to be given the opportunity to pray for those that I love.
And most of all, I find I am truly humbled by the Lord’s love for me. Amazing? Such a small word.
The rest of the congregation stood up and sang along but I could not. Instead, I sat still in His presence and cried tears of joy and admiration. I felt almost too humbled to stand. Too awe struck.
Because how can it be that You, my King, should die for me?
I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
Sometime in the spring of 2006 while we were at church during a baby dedication, my ovaries did a back flip. Oh, you know, that moment when you realize you are very suddenly ready for a child. I leaned over to tell Chris and he laughed and then looked shocked. We’d been married for a little over five years and I had not at all been ready. Like would run screaming in the opposite direction not at all ready.
But everything changed in that moment.
Here we are four years later. We weren’t trying for a family that entire time. That came later. When Chris caught up with me. But we tried for quite a while. And now as we are counting down the days until Baby E’s scheduled arrival, I am very literally at a loss for words.
During the Easter presentation at church, I was so overwhelmed by our journey to this little girl that I cried through most of it. I sat there listening to the choir sing “Amazing Love” while feeling my daughter move. I thought about the year before. The huge lifestyle change. Grieving the loss of our little babies after IVF 1.5. And then I thought about all the women still waiting. My heart breaks for them. Thought about all the women who are holding their miracles and my heart rejoiced for them.
But then I got honest about this journey. What it had done for me and to me. Bottom line, the path gave me more than it took away. God gave me more.
I am much more patient. I am grateful for today and spend as little time as possible thinking about the future. I find joy in the small miracles instead of looking only for the large ones. I have a much greater understanding of my role in the Lord’s kingdom. It’s not about me; it’s about Him and my willingness to be a part. More than ever, I appreciate the prayers of friends and family. What an amazing gift. I am thrilled to be given the opportunity to pray for those that I love.
And most of all, I find I am truly humbled by the Lord’s love for me. Amazing? Such a small word.
The rest of the congregation stood up and sang along but I could not. Instead, I sat still in His presence and cried tears of joy and admiration. I felt almost too humbled to stand. Too awe struck.
Because how can it be that You, my King, should die for me?
I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.
Amazing love,
How can it beThat You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love,
I know it’s true.
It’s my joy to honor You,
In all I do, I honor You.
I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.
You are my King
Jesus You are my King
You are my King
I needed this post...thank you!
ReplyDeleteAmen!
ReplyDeleteMom
What an amazing post! As you approach Baby E's arrival, I will lift you, her and Chris up is prayer for a safe delivery.
ReplyDeleteJudy Howell
We're praying for you all and sweet baby girl's arrival. Praying for special family time with grandparents, parents, and sweet girl. Love to you. Aunt Cheryl and Uncle Ray
ReplyDelete