…and if a baby bump starts to grow then we’ll know I’m pregnant and we can skip right over all this testing mumbo-jumbo. I mean honestly, the whole giving blood and then checking the phone every 3 minutes to make sure it still works simply causes stress and is that really good for Hope and Glory?
Women who get pregnant naturally don’t have this much stress. They call their ob, go in for a test and they wait for like 15 minutes before the doc says, “Yes Mrs. Stevens, you are pregnant. Here’s a prescription for some prenatal vitamins. Avoid this, this and this and we’ll see you in a month.”
But for us, it’s all physical trauma with the shots and the swollen ovaries and the IM injections followed by lots of hand-wringing, crying, racing heart beats and sleepless nights.
We do the whole avoiding of “this, this and this” for years. Years folks. Because we infertiles are nothing if not the absolute best at seeking perfection. The perfect lining, the perfect follicle size, the perfect timing, the perfect embryos, the perfect hormone levels. So really, thanks, we’d love some Feta cheese on our salad but we believe in miracles and this perfect cycle might be The One.
But unfortunately, I have failed miserably at handling this waiting perfectly. I am on edge. At any given moment I might be planning my winter wardrobe at Gap Maternity or I might be ugly crying uncontrollably. I want to know if our little ones hung on but I also really just want to go on hoping they did. Makes no sense I realize.
So there you have it. I’m not perfect. I am scared to death. And I want nothing more than to be pregnant with twins. Both of our little embryos. And hopefully a year from now I can have that Feta cheese on my salad just after I take Advil for a headache caused by drinking too much caffeinated-made-with-aspartame Diet Dr. Pepper.
Women who get pregnant naturally don’t have this much stress. They call their ob, go in for a test and they wait for like 15 minutes before the doc says, “Yes Mrs. Stevens, you are pregnant. Here’s a prescription for some prenatal vitamins. Avoid this, this and this and we’ll see you in a month.”
But for us, it’s all physical trauma with the shots and the swollen ovaries and the IM injections followed by lots of hand-wringing, crying, racing heart beats and sleepless nights.
We do the whole avoiding of “this, this and this” for years. Years folks. Because we infertiles are nothing if not the absolute best at seeking perfection. The perfect lining, the perfect follicle size, the perfect timing, the perfect embryos, the perfect hormone levels. So really, thanks, we’d love some Feta cheese on our salad but we believe in miracles and this perfect cycle might be The One.
But unfortunately, I have failed miserably at handling this waiting perfectly. I am on edge. At any given moment I might be planning my winter wardrobe at Gap Maternity or I might be ugly crying uncontrollably. I want to know if our little ones hung on but I also really just want to go on hoping they did. Makes no sense I realize.
So there you have it. I’m not perfect. I am scared to death. And I want nothing more than to be pregnant with twins. Both of our little embryos. And hopefully a year from now I can have that Feta cheese on my salad just after I take Advil for a headache caused by drinking too much caffeinated-made-with-aspartame Diet Dr. Pepper.
In the immortal words of the troubadour Tom Petty, "the waiting is the hardest part." I don't have anything of comfort to say, other than you've been an inspiration through all of this by continuing to lean on the everlasting arms.
ReplyDeleteWhat you said makes PERFECT sense. I'd feel the same way...scared to test, but happy not to so that I can remain in ignorant bliss. Sigh. One more day my dear, one more day.
ReplyDeleteThe "waiting room" the hardest place on earth. I am praying that our God will give to peace and comfort as you wait. We are still praying for His miracle. Love you. Martha
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean! The wait is almost up and I am hoping and praying for two PERFECT babies for you! xo
ReplyDeleteYou could not have said it better! I am still praying for you!
ReplyDeleteWe are praying too Ladybug! MOM
ReplyDeleteTought this might help:
ReplyDelete(Psa 27:14 KJV) Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
(Psa 37:34 KJV) Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land
(Isa 8:17 KJV) And I will wait upon the LORD, that hideth his face from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him.
(Isa 8:18 KJV) Behold, I and the children whom the LORD hath given me are for signs and for wonders in Israel from the LORD of hosts, which dwelleth in mount Zion.
(Isa 40:31 KJV) But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
I know this time for you gives new meaning to "a day is like a thousand years" Know that we are all praying for you and spiritually wraping you up in a big prayer hug. Your Mom and I have you in our hearts, minds and soul right now.
Love Dad