Every Mother’s Day that comes, we can’t help but think about the next one. What will next year hold? Will I be dedicating my baby? Will we be pregnant? And then a new question this year, will we be waiting on a birth mother to select us?
Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I would go to church at all. I told Chris I would decide closer to the date instead of spending weeks dreading it. But on Saturday night I felt like I needed to be obedient and go to church. I can’t hide from life. And this is my life.
Sunday School was easy. We’re doing a study on finances which is a topic I have a soft spot for since I was the bread winner while Chris was in school. I think I have a pretty good idea of the pressures husbands face as the provider. Anyway, finances have nothing to do with babies or mothers or embryos that left a hole in my heart. Easy stuff.
Worship service was something else entirely. Not only was it Mother’s day but it was also baby dedication day. The double whammy. I braced myself and Chris even offered to take me home after Sunday School but that little voice kept telling me to be obedient and worship. If Daniel could do it while waiting to be eaten alive by hungry lions, surely I could do it with empty arms. Perspective.
Before baby dedication, we sang “God of Wonders”. I love that song. Although, we haven’t sung it in so long. It’s not new enough, I guess. But as we’re singing, I found myself changing the words. Lord of eggies and sperm. Lord of babies and loss. Lord of mommies and dads. Lord of wombs and wounds. Lord of my life and hope. I about couldn’t sing I was crying too much but I was praying the words to God.
Sounds so cheesy but I just can’t wrap my brain around heaven, earth, the galaxy, creation. What I needed was to remind myself He’s Lord over all those things in my life. I’ll deal with the galaxy later.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I would go to church at all. I told Chris I would decide closer to the date instead of spending weeks dreading it. But on Saturday night I felt like I needed to be obedient and go to church. I can’t hide from life. And this is my life.
Sunday School was easy. We’re doing a study on finances which is a topic I have a soft spot for since I was the bread winner while Chris was in school. I think I have a pretty good idea of the pressures husbands face as the provider. Anyway, finances have nothing to do with babies or mothers or embryos that left a hole in my heart. Easy stuff.
Worship service was something else entirely. Not only was it Mother’s day but it was also baby dedication day. The double whammy. I braced myself and Chris even offered to take me home after Sunday School but that little voice kept telling me to be obedient and worship. If Daniel could do it while waiting to be eaten alive by hungry lions, surely I could do it with empty arms. Perspective.
Before baby dedication, we sang “God of Wonders”. I love that song. Although, we haven’t sung it in so long. It’s not new enough, I guess. But as we’re singing, I found myself changing the words. Lord of eggies and sperm. Lord of babies and loss. Lord of mommies and dads. Lord of wombs and wounds. Lord of my life and hope. I about couldn’t sing I was crying too much but I was praying the words to God.
Sounds so cheesy but I just can’t wrap my brain around heaven, earth, the galaxy, creation. What I needed was to remind myself He’s Lord over all those things in my life. I’ll deal with the galaxy later.
What an amazing perspective! I'm glad you decided to go to church and stay today, sounds like God blessed you for it! I'm praying that next year brings us both the babies we've been wanting for so long!!
ReplyDeleteWe also had baby dedication and my thoughts and tears were with you the whole service. I was praying for all those I know that are desperately praying for a child. I don't understand God's plan but I know that nothing happens to His children that He has not sifted through His hands. Love you. Martha
ReplyDeleteFrom now on every time I hear that song you know I'm going to be singing about the Lord of eggies and sperm!
ReplyDeleteJer 32:17 Ah Lord GOD! behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee . . .
I love how you changed the words of the songs...what a worshipful song to sing to the Lord from your heart. It really spoke to me, too. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you also for commenting on my blog about your experiences with diet and holistic approaches!! It's so helpful and encouraging to hear other's experiences.