I’m just gonna be totally honest. I am really struggling.
It’s not the grief alone anymore, although that’s still very real, but I seem to be in a fog of some sorts. I feel almost absent from most things even if I’m participating in them. The fear, the doubt, the weariness, all seem to be surrounding me. And I just can’t see through them. Kinda like the fog around my office on Tuesday.
Ever feel like your prayers are hitting the ceiling? Like you’re talking to yourself almost? I’m sure we all have. To try and break through the ceiling, I’ve been listening to worship music, reading books, memorizing scripture and everything else I can think of. Truthfully, it feels pretty awful. Feeling like you’re separated from God is not my idea of a good time.
However, I am most grateful that I know just to keep praying, keep reading and keep praising. I grew up in a wonderful, Christian home. My parents took us to church, showed us by example how to live a Godly life and despite some pretty rough spots never lost sight of how great our God is. They taught me to keep going. Never get too mired down in the valleys of life. There’s a purpose. And once you’re out of that valley doesn’t mean you’ll understand God’s purpose. It takes faith to accept without knowing. Isn’t that what we’re called to do? Get out of the boat. Walk towards Him and keep trusting in Jesus.
It’s not the grief alone anymore, although that’s still very real, but I seem to be in a fog of some sorts. I feel almost absent from most things even if I’m participating in them. The fear, the doubt, the weariness, all seem to be surrounding me. And I just can’t see through them. Kinda like the fog around my office on Tuesday.
Ever feel like your prayers are hitting the ceiling? Like you’re talking to yourself almost? I’m sure we all have. To try and break through the ceiling, I’ve been listening to worship music, reading books, memorizing scripture and everything else I can think of. Truthfully, it feels pretty awful. Feeling like you’re separated from God is not my idea of a good time.
However, I am most grateful that I know just to keep praying, keep reading and keep praising. I grew up in a wonderful, Christian home. My parents took us to church, showed us by example how to live a Godly life and despite some pretty rough spots never lost sight of how great our God is. They taught me to keep going. Never get too mired down in the valleys of life. There’s a purpose. And once you’re out of that valley doesn’t mean you’ll understand God’s purpose. It takes faith to accept without knowing. Isn’t that what we’re called to do? Get out of the boat. Walk towards Him and keep trusting in Jesus.
Even though I know my own emotions are keeping me from feeling like the Lord hears my every word, I know He does. I know He’s reaching out for me. My parents taught me and showed me how to trust in that. I love you both!
Robin, thanks for the kind words. One other thing to remember about getting through hard times is to remember that God also provides us a great blessing by placing people that care for us in our lives. Don't forget to use those resouces. It sounds like you might need a shoulder to lean on. You know Mom and I will be out there immediatly if you need us. Mom's looking of a reason to see you again anyway and it breaks my heart to read that you are having such a difficult time. No matter how old you are, you are always my little girl. You know we are praying for you with every fiber of our soul and spirit.
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The coment from your father brought tears to my eyes!! He is so right though. God sends us people to help us. I sometimes feel like my prayers are bouncing off the sky and like I'm talking to God but He's not really there. That's what stress, anxiety and fear do to us as humans. But your on the right track, knowing that GOD will NEVER leave us. He IS there, even when the flesh can't feel him. Hang in there, I'm praying for you and understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteHey hun :) I am right there with you feeling like my prayers are hitting the ceiling and feeling so far from the relationship that I desire with God. I keep repeating the lyrics "draw me close to you" and "Word of God speak" to remind myself that He is still there and wants that very same relationship with me. I'm struggling, and I'm sorry you are struggling, too. Thank you for sharing such inspiring words and know that I am praying for you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteWe echo your dad's words. Even though you are not our daughter by birth you became our daughter when you married our son. Parents hurt when their children hurt and we are also praying for you. If you want or need us to come we'll be on our way, just say the words. We will pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a way that you will know, without a doubt that He is walking right beside you. Be assured that He has your best interest in His perfect plan for you. Love you Martha
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