About last night…
Last night, I did something I never thought I would do or even could do. I gave myself a shot. If you know me well, you know I have a tendency to pass out cold when giving blood, getting a shot or even getting eye drops (not kidding). Mom loves to tell the story of me passing out in the pediatrician’s lobby after my TB test when I was in high school. I sat down on the window sill and then fell over. It was not funny but the way she tells it, it is.
I’ve managed in my old age to get significantly better about this but on Monday, I came dangerously close. If you put the needle in and then move the darn thing around because my vein “rolled” (whatever that means), I get pretty close. If you do that and then have to stab my other arm to get the blood, then you can pretty much count on it. I warned the nurse it was coming and we just barely got the blood before I bent down to put my head in between my knees. About 30 seconds later I was lying on the floor with nurses and the doctor going a little crazy.
Somehow saying “I told you so” wasn’t helping the situation.
Now, I am very aware you are sitting there saying but having your blood drawn doesn’t even hurt. I agree. It really doesn’t. So I have no idea why I pass out. I don’t get excited or nervous. I just calmly sit down, offer my arm, let the blood be drawn and then pass out. It is one of the great mysteries of my life. And one that has frustrated every nurse and doctor (and my mother) since I was little.
But last night, I gave myself a shot. And didn’t pass out. It took me a few minutes to work up the nerve because even if you are great at taking shots, giving one to yourself is a different story, but I did it.
This morning I got up like every other morning with no issues, other than feeling slightly nauseous, and went to the gym. I did my workout and headed to the showers. I was getting my stuff out of my bag when the enormity of our entire situation hit me and I had to sit down to have a good cry.
I wasn’t sad or angry or worried even. I was surprised. Surprised at what we’ve both done to have a family. We laugh about it mostly because, well, that’s what we do in most every situation. But really, the steps we’ve taken and the sacrifices we’ve made are sometimes, a little over whelming. And we’ve only just begun. I sat there crying thinking about how much more we may have to do. How many more shots will I have to give myself? How many more appointments? How many more ultrasounds? How many more months?
And here’s the important part: I’m okay with whatever comes. I cried this morning and praised the Lord for helping me through that first shot. I wouldn’t have been able to do that 2 years ago. I’m ready to do it now. He’s changed me. Because of this journey.
Last night, I did something I never thought I would do or even could do. I gave myself a shot. If you know me well, you know I have a tendency to pass out cold when giving blood, getting a shot or even getting eye drops (not kidding). Mom loves to tell the story of me passing out in the pediatrician’s lobby after my TB test when I was in high school. I sat down on the window sill and then fell over. It was not funny but the way she tells it, it is.
I’ve managed in my old age to get significantly better about this but on Monday, I came dangerously close. If you put the needle in and then move the darn thing around because my vein “rolled” (whatever that means), I get pretty close. If you do that and then have to stab my other arm to get the blood, then you can pretty much count on it. I warned the nurse it was coming and we just barely got the blood before I bent down to put my head in between my knees. About 30 seconds later I was lying on the floor with nurses and the doctor going a little crazy.
Somehow saying “I told you so” wasn’t helping the situation.
Now, I am very aware you are sitting there saying but having your blood drawn doesn’t even hurt. I agree. It really doesn’t. So I have no idea why I pass out. I don’t get excited or nervous. I just calmly sit down, offer my arm, let the blood be drawn and then pass out. It is one of the great mysteries of my life. And one that has frustrated every nurse and doctor (and my mother) since I was little.
But last night, I gave myself a shot. And didn’t pass out. It took me a few minutes to work up the nerve because even if you are great at taking shots, giving one to yourself is a different story, but I did it.
This morning I got up like every other morning with no issues, other than feeling slightly nauseous, and went to the gym. I did my workout and headed to the showers. I was getting my stuff out of my bag when the enormity of our entire situation hit me and I had to sit down to have a good cry.
I wasn’t sad or angry or worried even. I was surprised. Surprised at what we’ve both done to have a family. We laugh about it mostly because, well, that’s what we do in most every situation. But really, the steps we’ve taken and the sacrifices we’ve made are sometimes, a little over whelming. And we’ve only just begun. I sat there crying thinking about how much more we may have to do. How many more shots will I have to give myself? How many more appointments? How many more ultrasounds? How many more months?
And here’s the important part: I’m okay with whatever comes. I cried this morning and praised the Lord for helping me through that first shot. I wouldn’t have been able to do that 2 years ago. I’m ready to do it now. He’s changed me. Because of this journey.
Amen sister - he has changed me because of this journey as well - but its for the better - oh how I wish you could be with us tonight for this support group! If only you weren't so far away! I'm proud of you for giving yourself a shot - and believe me I understand the passing out - my husband does that - its completely involuntary and for him its the smell of alcohol. He too has gotten better but some things set him off - such as the digging for veins - luckily the nurse at our RE's office knows him and boda bing botta boom - hes done before he knows what hit him! I'm so positive for you this cycle though - many many prayers going your way!
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