Our Grateful Life

Hey Good Lookin'....

2012-01-29T20:57:00.003-06:00

Something about having a new eater in the house has reignited the suppressed chef in me.

Plus the whole Pinterest obsession helps...

Each week, I try and make at least one new dish. Chicken is out for me right now. Cannot eat it. Which leaves....everything else.

I did try one chicken casserole last week. Epic fail. But thanks Carrie for helping me with the freezing the leftovers!

Saturday I tried one that was a huge success!

Chris found this funny but I googled the ingredients I had on hand and google sent me to the Food Network...

...and a Paula Dean recipe.

Look. If Paula makes it you can be assured of three things:

1. It will have butter. Lots.

2. It will tastes flippin' fabulous.

3. It will be full of gluten.

Needless to say, I almost scooted right on over to the second site. But hey, it's Saturday, let's live dangerously and get our hopes up.

And whatdya know. I could eat it!

I suspect that's because it was Wayne's recipe.

The ingredients were more than I had but I wasn't interested in making enough for 20. Just 8 would do.

Here's a link to the recipe.

I didn't have three cans of crushed tomatoes. I only have one can of diced tomatoes. BUT, I had a can of Rotel. I also didn't have green peppers so I figured the green chillies in the Rotel would do.

Yes, I realize green peppers and green chillies share only a color.

I could take the heat.

Should also confess that I used a whole heck of a lot more than one teaspoon of each seasoning. Except for the cumin. Not really enjoy "smokie" right now either.

After all was said and done, we had enough for two casseroles.

But more importantly, it was a huge hit! Not too spicy for Aubrey Kate. Or Chris for that matter.

And I have another to cook this week.

I must say, I'm not much of a casserole kinda girl. I like food in less of a mix-it-and-forget-it manner but this was really good.

(No pictures because I just can't seem to be able to stop and take pictures either during or after the dish is prepared.)

Gratitude Friday...

2012-01-27T20:19:00.002-06:00

Happy Friday y'all! I feel like this was a really long week. Chris started morning sectionals this week along with the afternoon sectionals. So three mornings a week, he starts teaching at 7:00 am and ends at 5:00 pm. That's 12 hours of teaching.

He's wiped.

Bless his heart. Teaching is just exhausting. Teenagers are exhausting. Pregnant wives with the plague are exhausting.

Oh, I'm kidding.

It was just a cold.

But I felt like I might die.

So this week, I decided to find that one big thing I was grateful for each day of the week. Let me know if you like it. But not if you don't. Only positive spoken here.

Saturday - grateful I can do my grocery shopping now. The first trimester made the whole food thing hard. Even in the mornings. So Saturday morning, I hit both my grocery stores, stocked up on what I needed for the week's menu I made and came home in about 90 minutes. Then I actually cooked every night this week. Whoo-hoo for feeding my family!

Sunday - grateful Chris and I are on the same page with our church search. And that Aubrey Kate seems to be enjoying herself. She just walks right in to the new class and plays like she's been there a million times. Both those things are making this process a little easier. So far.

Monday - very grateful Chris takes such good care of me. I pretty much felt like death. Day three of the plague and it was awful. Raw throat makes it hard to really enjoy reading a book six times in a row. He came home after teaching 12 hours and took over so I could go to bed. He rocks.

Tuesday - odd one here but I am grateful for conference calls while I commute. I get meetings done without having to be in the office with the added benefit of getting paid for driving. Don't worry, there are several other folks on the call so I'm doing a whole lot of listening and not so much talking. Aubrey Kate asking for Elmo or May-may every 18 seconds is more distracting.

Wednesday - very, very grateful for stop and go traffic. It rained a whole heck of a lot Tuesday through Wednesday morning. Rain was coming down in buckets on the way to work. I left early because I knew it would be bad. Still took me almost two hours. Thankfully, I only saw one wreck and it wasn't that bad. I just think everyone was driving cautiously. Which was fine by me. I'll take slow and safe, thank you very much.

Thursday - grateful Aubrey Kate got a good nap in the car after school. We had two days where she was off her schedule and it did not make for the happiest of afternoons. I had plenty of work to do while we sat in the driveway. She woke up in a great mood and I didn't have to work that night. Winning.

Friday - today I am grateful for our mommy/daughter day of the week. This morning we went to Hobby Lobby, then to the fancy park (really, it's unreal) and ended with lunch at Souper Salad. That place is a huge risk for me but I needed a cheap salad. Needed. Kids under 2 eat free which is really a bad gamble on their part. Pumpkin ate two plates of food and a bowl full of grapes. We were there an hour and a half. During which she ate. The entire time. The gamble paid off for me (no glutenation!) but not for them. They lost.

Hope y'all had a good week. Really hope you were able to take some time to thank God and praise Him for the blessings in your life. Even the weird ones. He is the author of every minute of our lives and for that alone, I am so thank full. I would completely ruin it all. In a matter of minutes, undoubtedly.

Much love!

14 weeks...

2012-01-24T20:26:00.002-06:00

Weeeelllll hhhhheeeellllloooooo...

Welcome to our pregnancy!

I know y'all are all kinds of disappointed you missed the first 13 weeks which consisted of pretty much me falling asleep at random times during the day and me telling Chris he and Aubrey Kate could have absolutely anything they wanted for dinner.

As long as they left my house to eat it.

I spent a great deal of time breathing deeply through waves of nausea from the hours of 3:00 pm to 9:00 pm.

"Morning" sickness.

True mommy confession: Since I have to work during Pumpkin's nap time, I would let her watch Sesame Street at 11 am. When I would fall asleep on the couch. She would wake me if she needed anything. Like, say, to tell me Elmo was no longer on the screen. But for the most part, I was able to blissfully dose in and out of sleep for a solid hour.

Go ahead and judge. I can take it.

But now...NOW...I feel like a new woman.

Been "morning" sickness free for over a week. This is about the same time I stopped being sick with AK too.

So my remaining symptoms are wicked vivid dreams and not really caring to eat. I felt the same way last time too. Which just proves this kid is an Evans. Really.

Food tastes okay. I can pretty much eat anything and I'm not really having any cravings. I'd just rather not eat. You can throw a zillion different options my way and you'll get an "Eh" with a shoulder shrug.

Even ice cream.

And if you know me, then you understand the enormity of that statement. Because I consider ice cream an entire food group like vegetables or lean meats.

I have a great new doctor up here in my new little world. She's awesome. She actually gets the Celiac thing too. Which is good. And since I have it, I get a big ole ultrasound every four weeks to make sure baby is growing.

Yes, thank you.

But also, because I have this thing, it appears it is now way easier to gain weight during the pregnancy. Let's just say I really need to eliminate the Ice Cream food group.

I should but I probably won't.

So apart from the wicked vivid dreams (which are of a different subject matter than with Aubrey Kate), I feel like a normal girl. Now.

One last note. The belly. I've always heard you show sooner with the second. And well, "they" are not kidding. At least for me. I "popped" at 11 weeks. Since then, I can't tell a difference. I realize that's only 3 weeks but still. I'm in that awkward stage where I look like I'm either barely pregnant or I need to spend some quality time on a treadmill. I get weird looks at work like hummmmm...

My maternity clothes are still a bit big. But my infertile/first trimester clothes are getting tight. I still have a pair of regular jeans that fit because they are A) my "fat" jeans (don't even claim you don't have a pair of those) and B) they sit very low so the belly is growing over it.

You're welcome for that visual.

I hope they fit for a while because I love them. And those really cute maternity jeans I mentioned before are about two sizes too big.

And now you are up to date on The Pregnancy 2012!

Gratitude Friday...

2012-01-20T14:19:00.003-06:00

Does anyone have an email address for Mother Nature? Because, seriously, it's 76 here today. Maybe she missed the notice that it's January and for real, it should be COLD.

Hello.

Had a good and brief ob appointment this morning. Took her a while to find the heartbeat but based on the amount of movement we witnessed last week, I suspect he was just doing his morning somersaults.

BTW, I'm gonna call this baby a "he" until someone with a medical degree tells me it's a "she". I am 112% convinced it's a boy. And have been since the first six week ultrasound. Well, really before then. My dreams this time have been totally different than with AK.

So we found his heartbeat and I smiled. He, he...there's a baby in there!

We talked about having a natural vaginal birth this time. Thankfully, the hospital does allow VBAC's for situations like mine. That being a c-section because of a breach baby.

The kicker is the hospital also insists there be an OB in the hospital for the entire time I am there and in labor. Which should be fine most days of the week between the hours of 7:00 am - 7:00 pm. Weekends not so much. Ideally, we would have the baby on a Monday when my doctor would be on call for the entire 24 hours.

I guess we'll just add that to our prayer list. A Monday delivery day.

Okay, so beyond the obvious...BABY...what else have I been grateful for this week?

Hummm....

So simple.

I am grateful for the gratitude lists of others!

For some reason, this week was THE week to tell the world some things you are grateful for. Maybe there was a notice sent out I missed.

One friend started reading One Thousand Gifts. One friend did it because it wasn't when everyone else was doing it, like during Thanksgiving. Because seriously, who wants to be a joiner or that predictable. One did it because she's started a new life and is feeling a little bit like holy smoly, this is big.

Regardless of the reason, I am grateful they all took the time to sit and focus on being thankful. It's not always the easiest thing to do. Especially when life has pulled the proverbial rug out from underneath you or you have to find a way to wait for something God has told you He would provide or when a life change gives you more than you were expecting in the learning about yourself department.

But it is worth it. Once you start, it's actually hard to stop. And for me, it's what I can focus on when things are tough. I can't say what it would be like to be going through what those three women are because I'm not in their shoes. But I know for me and those days when what I really wanted to do was hide in the back of my closet and scream, taking the time to slow down, look at what I do have and praise God for those made the rest not look like it might kill me.

In my life, living with my eyes turned to what I can thank God for changed everything.

So thank you, ladies, for making my week. I hope you keep going and going and going and going...

Here’s how it went down (Part 2)…

2012-01-17T16:02:00.003-06:00

Coming to you live from the car today. Baby is asleep in the back seat. How precious is she?

I stopped by Braum's for some chocolate chip ice cream before we came home to our driveway to finish our nap. There's ESPN on the radio. Internet for the computer. Really, couldn't ask for more.

Anyway, to continue the story

I handed him the stick and then about fell into the floor.

He sat there in what can only be described as stunned silence.

What followed was a whole lot of sentence fragments.

How could…? But we’re….? Can this be…?

Chris wanted me to test again in the morning which was fine with me since that was completely my plan.

And after a night where I got absolutely no sleep, I tested and it was just as positive.

I called Dr. K’s office on the way to work the next morning and said something mildly coherent about me being a patient of Dr. K’s and I’d gotten a positive HPT but didn’t see how that was possible because we are seriously infertile so I’m a little panicked right now. Could I come in for a beta and maybe some valium?

Sweet receptionist called me back right away and yes, come in before 10 and we’ll test.

But no valium.

I dropped AK off, rushed to the office, gave blood and ran to my meeting. I was 15 minutes late for the meeting but figured it was totally worth it if I was in fact pregnant.

I swear, the day was forever long. I knew from an infertile friend at the office that Dr. K’s nurses were calling with results closer to 5 pm these days. But when 5 then 6 then 7 rolled past, I assumed it would be tomorrow before I heard.

And then Dr. K called a little after 8 pm.

He said “Robin Evans! I couldn’t believe it when your chart came across my desk. You’re pregnant! AMH level of 0.16 and you are pregnant! Beta is 356 so you are good and pregnant.”

There are really no words to describe the feeling you get when you realize the very thing you had been praying for actually happens.

I mean, I felt that when we got pregnant with AK but for some reason, this one felt different.

We had done nothing on our own to make this happen. No shots, no acupuncture, no retrievals…nothing.

I knew our first pregnancy was a God-created miracle. But if I’m being truly honest, I also felt like I’d done my part too. He led me to do all of that. He gave me the tools and provided the means. And I know without a shadow of a doubt we absolutely HAD to go through IVF to have our first child.

But this one.

I hadn’t done any work. I had no part in this. Absolutely none.

And yet, I was just as pregnant.

Straight up, the next several weeks and really, even up until this last week when I started telling my infertile friends, it felt unreal.

Likely part of that is because I have been spending a rather large amount of time attempting to keep food down.

However, I know what I have been feeling is the most humbled I have ever been.

How do you even begin to be grateful for this miracle?

So here’s what I know.

I am not special. I am not deserving. I am not better.

But my God is.

This little baby growing right now is all God. He pulled an egg out of dying ovaries and moved a sperm out of a very small number of available sperm together to create this child.

The hymn “To God Be the Glory” has been the theme song in my head. It’s old school but it fits. Because all the glory absolutely belongs to my Savoir, my Heavenly Father, my God.

To God be the glory
Great things He has done
So loved He the world
That He gave us His Son
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the lifegate that all may go in.

Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord
Let the earth hear His voice
Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord
Let the people rejoice
O come to the Father thru Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory
Great things he hath done

Here’s how it went down (Part 1)…

2012-01-16T14:22:00.002-06:00

Thank y’all so much for all the texts, calls and comments! We are really excited. Especially now that I have moved away from shocked awe.

Some comments about the video:
1. We totally expected Mom to glance right over the sonogram picture of the new baby. She’s really horribly predictable. We assumed she’d think it was picture of Aubrey Kate and thus, she did.

2. It is a pure shame we don’t have my SIL Carrie on video when she yelled, “I knew it!” Because it is priceless. There was a fist pump involved in that exclamation.

3. I wish there was a video of us telling Chris’ family. We changed Pumpkin into her “Big Sis” tee shirt and dang it all if she didn’t run into the room much faster than I was expecting. They noticed right away too so I didn’t have time to turn the video camera on. Of course, they were equally excited but there wasn’t a fist pump. Which is a total bummer.

So here’s the story. You remember in November when one of my gratitude posts was about being hopeful for a natural pregnancy? Well, I was sitting there writing that post pregnant. Just didn’t know it.

I was a couple days late and of course, completely obsessed with that fact. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to know for sure that I wasn’t pregnant.

What y’all don’t know is way back in May when I went in to see Dr. K and he did one of those AMH tests, things didn’t come back so well.

Actually, they came back horrible.

My AMH level was 0.16.

I realize that means almost zippo to most of you so here’s a chart for you to look at. (Scroll on down the page some)

Isn't that a beautiful chart? What with my level being not on it at all?

So basically, in layman’s terms, my ovaries were running out of steam. Eggs were old. Lulu and Rita were nearing retirement.

Dr. K said hum, we probably shouldn’t wait that full year we talked about. Might be better to try again sooner.

So we made a plan.

We kept the AMH level to ourselves because we honestly didn’t plan on telling our family when we were going to IVF again. Two reasons for that. One, we wanted the chance to surprise them if it did work. And two, if it didn’t we wanted the chance to grieve the loss of a second child on our own.

The plan was to do suppression in July and IVF in August. Would have preferred June and July but the beach trip in the middle of the month sort messed with that.

And then Chris got a new job.

We were still on track until we lost the first house and had to move into the toxic apartment. I knew there was no way we could do anything after that.

And so IVF plans were put on hold.

I was not happy. Truthfully, I was really angry. Angry we lost the house. Angry we had to move into an apartment. Angry that apartment was not livable and had to move again. Angry we couldn’t try for another child yet.

And by “yet” I mean we would have to wait until 2012.

Chris is gone through the first of November so those months were out. Then I refused to risk a negative result just before Christmas. The first of the year I knew would be really busy for me at work and it just didn’t seem like a good plan to risk stress playing a huge role in the result. So we decided to wait until February/March.

In the meantime, I prayed. A. Lot.

There were a whole lot of reasons I gave God about why a natural pregnancy would be best. But I was also bold and said that I was gonna need a definitive NO to not move forward. Yes, I get that taking the house away was that NO we needed this summer. Yes, I realize I didn’t handle that NO well at all. And yes, I realize I am risking anger and grief by asking for that NO again. But really, a natural pregnancy would serve as a pretty good indication that we shouldn’t do IVF. And it would be a joyful NO!

While we waited for March to role around, we did try on our own. However, I was not getting an LH surge on the ovulation predictors. I wasn’t really sure if that was because I wasn’t ovulating (which was highly likely) or not but regardless, you could say we were shooting blind.

So as I sat there obsessing about being a couple of days late, I knew the two options:

1. I was pregnant. Which would be an absolute miracle.
2. I was entering the early stages of menopause. Which seemed much more likely given the evidence.

Chris wanted me to test. I wanted to wait until Friday. Seemed logical to me. No reason to spend $14 bucks on tests that would only come up negative. Besides, I really liked not knowing for certain I was entering menopause.

I didn’t exactly share all of those concerns with Chris. He is Mr. Optimistic which is highly annoying for someone like myself who tends to be a little more realistic. Not pessimistic necessarily. Just realistic.

So he bought a box of tests.

And he wanted me to test that night.

After I got off the phone with my brother and finished working on my gratitude post for that day (which was my precious nephew Noah’s birthday post), I went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I tested then put the test right back in the plastic wrap it came in, washed my face, brushed my teeth and got the bed ready. Expecting it to be negative, I pulled it out of the plastic and saw two lines.

I almost passed out.

After I sat down for a minute to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, I went upstairs to Chris.

(To be continued...)

Gratitude Friday...

2012-01-13T19:18:00.001-06:00

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Gratitude Friday...

2012-01-06T14:05:00.003-06:00

Wow. What a week!

Work started back this week. For both Chris and me. He had to go back Monday. Which, hello, yuck. I had until Tuesday.

Work has gotten a bit bigger for me now. Long story short, someone quit and they asked me to be the substitute until they hire someone permanently. We're looking at the end of March.

That's a month longer than I had planned on work lasting. And now it's four half days in the office instead of two. Hours have certainly increased. As has the cost of childcare. We had do to some actual math to make sure we could afford for me to work more.

Math, not so much my strongest skill.

Seriously, it's expensive. I can see how it would be more financially responsible to quit work than to pay for childcare.

But as long as we're careful, we should be able to save a little bit more over the next three months.

I will tell you Wednesday morning when I walked out of the door at 6:45 am and had not seen Aubrey Kate's sweet face, I did a little crying. Although, I knew she would have a blast with the babysitter and her little friend Beau.

In fact, when she woke up that morning and she saw Monica come in, she immediately said "Beau!" For the rest of the morning, she kept getting Monica's shoes and bringing them to her and yelling "Beau!"

Monica is Beau's live-in Nanny. Beau's mommy and daddy offered to let me use Monica since she only works for them part-time. She's been great. Aubrey Kate adores her and since Beau is only four months younger, they are the perfect little playmates. She takes them to the park, they draw in the driveway with sidewalk chalk and they even cook together. Thursday they all made pizzas for lunch. Which, apparently, my kid loved because she ate and ate and ate. And then ate Beau's.

I wish she was a better eater.

(Mom, that was sarcasm.)

On our way home Thursday, we were talking about seeing Beau next week. Pretty much she wants to see him as soon as we get in the car. So I was asking her, do you know who you'll get to see next week?

Took her about 2.6 seconds to shout "May-may!"

Now May-may is her little friend from school. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can easily motivate her to move quickly with a simple, "Come on and let's (fill in the blank) so we can go see May-may!"

I think all the other kids in the class really like May-may too. I've heard a couple of them saying her name on their way into school. She must be the coolest little girl ever.

Actually, she is really precious.

(Mom, that was not sarcasm)

So this week, while I spent six hours in the car going back and forth to Fort Worth, I was so grateful my little miracle girl was with friends she loves to play with and babysitters who make her day exciting. If I can't be with her, I am grateful for the wonderful people she is with. Grateful childcare has fallen into place for this brief season.

What a blessing.

Christmas Eve...

2012-01-02T19:30:00.002-06:00

Aren't we just the cutest family ever?

I mean really.

The kids help, of course. They seriously up the cute factor.

What a year it's been!

2011-12-31T18:42:00.000-06:00

Completely stole this idea from Pinterest.

Check out the original post from this blog here.

But I loved it and thought it would be a good end for what has been a huge year for our little family.

Really, trying to wrap my brain around all that has changed this year was overwhelming. Like pull the covers over my head and wiggle down further in the bed kind of overwhelming. This seemed like a nice way to wrap up the year in a nice little package. Or rather a list. Because y'all know I do love a list.

WHAT A YEAR IT'S BEEN!

A LITTLE ABOUT ME

NAME: Robin

AGE; 35 (Seriously. When did that happen?)

FAVORITE COLOR: I've always said blue but I think it's honestly turquoise now.

FAVORITE FOOD: Ice Cream

FAVORITE ACTIVITY: Crafting

FAVORITE BOOK: Whatever I am currently reading which is "One Thousand Gifts"

HIGHLIGHTS OF 2011

GREATEST LESSON I LEARNED: Isn't is really the more things change the more they stay the same? The greatest lesson of this year is the lesson I have had to relearn every year. God is in control. I say it a lot. I even believe it. But that doesn't stop me from fretting endlessly over stuff I can't just grip and stretch it into exactly what I want. Sometimes the situation was mine and sometimes it was of my friends. Regardless, I spent way too much time discussing, analyzing, questioning and flat out being angry over things I simply could do nothing about. I should have been spending more time praying, reading, breathing and flat out trusting God could handle it. Why do I have to learn this over and over and over?

HARDEST THING OF THE YEAR: Losing the first house. Seems silly, I realize and now that we are in this house, we came out much better but still. Heck, at this point, I can even see the reasons we just did not need that house. And yet it crawls all over me. So strange actually.

FAVORITE MEMORY: The beach. Not sure I've ever shared this or not, but now seems like a good time. After our transfer in July 2009, I went to see Witchy Woman for our post-transfer acupuncture treatment. We'd gone to see her before the transfer too. As I'd done earlier that morning and for almost every visit the previous four months, I prayed. This time, I got a picture in return. I guess that's the way to describe it. I saw Chris and a little girl in a ruffled swimsuit walking along the beach holding hands. It was so real. I cried. But I did that a lot. So as I sat on the beach this summer and watched Chris and our little girl in her ruffled swimsuit, I was overcome with gratitude. The picture changed because Aubrey Kate was a little put off by the whole sand and moving water thing but it felt like I had been given a promise and here it was, living, giggling and calling me Mama. What a miracle our little family truly is. (If you think I'm crazy, that's okay. I can handle it.)

WHAT I LOVED MOST ABOUT 2011: Growing. Chris is so happy at his new job. These folks are good at what they do and they want to be the best. He's in heaven. Not that he's competitive or anything. Not at all. We also got to watch Aubrey Kate grow from a baby to a little girl. Sometimes I miss the little baby but really, I have loved seeing her develop.

LOOKING FORWARD TO 2012

WHAT TO LEARN: How to live a life of even greater gratitude. So much so that I can look at any situation and see the good. See the blessings. See through what Satan may want to show me and straight through to what God wants me to see. I truly believe only a life focused on praise, thanksgiving and buried in the study of God's word can see through the evil.

WHAT TO GET BETTER AT: Oh goodness. So. Much. More organized. More creative cook. Laugh more. Pray more. Be a better friend. More patient mother. Take more pictures. Eat more vegetables.

BIGGEST GOAL: Read the bible through. I've started and stopped so many times. It's pathetic really. Embarrassing. It needs to be done and I need to make it a priority.

Overall, 2011 was a good year. But I can't wait to see what God has in store for 2012!

Plus, I really like even numbers better. Well, I do.

Happy New Year Y'all!!!

The New Me...

2011-12-19T20:40:00.006-06:00

I know, right?!?! I was on such a roll. Honestly, it's way easier for me to write about what I'm grateful for every day than it is to just write about our daily life.

Along those lines, I'm reading "One Thousand Gifts". Likely I'm the last person alive to read it and I love it. I'm about a third of the way through and relishing watching her life and relationship with Christ evolve as her view of the world changes. I could completely relate to the excitement she described early on in the process. I remember that feeling. Like I could spend all day every day just thanking God for every little thing.

And I did. I believe I actually listed a parking spot on one of my lists.

Almost four years later, I can testify that refocusing a life on thanksgiving changes everything.

Every. Thing.

Without a doubt, it helps you slow down and take notice of those amazing little moments.

Yesterday, I wasn't feeling so hot. Chris was gone Wednesday through Saturday afternoon last week. Both Wednesday and Thursday, I had to be in Fort Worth. Friday, Pumpkin and I had a playdate that morning (which was awesome, BTW) and then we braved the grocery store together that afternoon. I don't take her on errands much anymore. It seems cruel when she just wants to run around and play. Anyway, Saturday night after Chris got home we went back to Fort Worth to see the Christmas lights at my office. It was totally worth the trip but it was a four hour ordeal.

So I was not at all surprised when I woke up Sunday a little achy, a little snotty and a lot exhausted. Chris was tired too so we took turns taking naps in the morning but by that afternoon, I was done. He took care of Pumpkin while I rested in our room.

That night when it was time for her bath, Chris opened the door to the room and she came charging in.

Yelling "Mamma" and grinning ear to ear.

Those are the moments that I grab hold of and don't let go.

Aubrey Kate is so beautiful and her smile melts my heart.

Later that night, as I thanked God for the day, for a husband who allowed me to rest, for a comfy bed to rest in, for a warm home to house the comfy bed, I thanked God for the gratitude journey. Without it, I am not sure I would see all those wonderful moments. Maybe I would. But I know the me before God challenged me to change my view. I saw only what we could achive next. Only what the next house would be. Only what our perfect life would be like if only...

That me would have missed that precious moment. That me might have actually been upset to have my rest interrupted. That me would have thought more about what didn't get done instead of what a day of rest can provide.

That me...is long gone.

And this me is excited to see where the Lord leads me as I continue to live a life "overflowing with thankfulness".

Gratitude Friday...

2011-12-09T20:33:00.003-06:00

I had such good intentions of writing this week.

But you know what they say about good intentions.

The beginning of the week was recovering from a long weekend with a sick little baby. High fever and nothing else. There were gigantic amounts of snuggling going on Saturday through Monday.

The rest of the week was marked by equally gigantic amounts of snottiness. Which then led to today which was gigantic amounts of dirty diaper changes.

Also possible that happened because Pumpkin refused to eat much of anything other than applesauce.

Gigantic amounts of applesauce.

So there wasn't a whole lot getting done in the Evans' house this week.

Except for decorating for Christmas.

We think the last time we had a Christmas tree up in our house was 2009. When I was pregnant with Aubrey Kate. Last year, I didn't decorate for Christmas. I decorated for Auburn. Seemed like a completely logical choice.

Chris was pretty adamant that we put up a tree. Really, Chris loves his Christmas tree. It's sort of odd for a guy to feel that way but he does. I've always liked the table and mantel decor better.

But he does most of the work.

Seriously.

I fluff the tree and tell him which color ornaments I want to use this year. I do put the ribbons up but that's it. Chris does all the rest of the work with the tree.

The stairway was decorated with the sentimental ornaments. The ones Chris made as a kid. Some he's received from students. Others we've received as either wedding gifts or just Christmas gifts.

The mantel is simple. I didn't want to get too crazy with it. I liked it being clean.

Now that it's all done, I am thrilled we got it up.

Once Aubrey Kate felt better this week, I would ask her, "Do you want to turn on the Christmas tree?" And eyes wide, she says, "Yeah!"

For the most part, she leaves the tree completely alone but those few minutes of awe and wonder are magical.

So this week, I am very grateful Chris insisted and then put up our Christmas tree. And very grateful for a little Pumpkin who thinks it's the neatest thing ever.

Enjoy the very bad phone photos.

Merry Christmas!

Gratitude Friday...

2011-12-02T13:04:00.002-06:00

Last night I went to bed before 10 pm. For the first time in thirty days. I briefly considered writing but it was just a flicker of a thought that I was able to quench fairly easily.

My desire for sleep will generally win out over any desire for productivity.

I can't imagine where my daughter gets her laziness streak. Really.

Although, I do have a good defense.

I spent five hours in the car yesterday.

We pulled out of the driveway at 8:22 am. I pulled back in, for good, at 7:36 pm.

There was an event for work last night. In order to attend, I had to put some serious miles down. And pay a babysitter for four hours.

Chris also had to work. He got home around 11 pm so I at least was able to go to bed at a decent time.

Five hours in the car will wear anyone out.

I would love to be able to say I was grateful for a job to drive to or for a babysitter who loved playing with Pumpkin or Mother's Day Out where my daughter adores going.

But.

I can't.

Because I wasn't.

What I was most grateful for, was being done with the entire day.

Pumpkin, who is teething, was so snugly. We sat down in the living room and talked about her day. And then almost as soon as I got home, it was time for her to go to bed.

And, real mommy moment, I was grateful to put her down.

I felt too wiped to really give to her.

You know what? I believe God gets all that. Jesus knows the feeling of being just a tired human. It's okay to sometimes just be grateful to have made it through another day and look forward to another shot at life the next day. God willing.

Thank you Lord for a new day. One in which I am not getting in the car. At. All.

Gratitude: This is it...

2011-11-30T21:52:00.003-06:00

As I've been thinking about this last Thanksgiving Gratitude Post.

And Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald have been running through my mind.

All together now...

"This is it.
Make no mistake where you are.
This is it.
You're goin' no further.
This is it.
Until it's over and done."

You're welcome.

But in all seriousness, I wasn't really sure what to end with. In this month, I have been grateful for food, shelter, safety, marriage, family, friends, Pumpkin, Pumpkin and Pumpkin. And maybe another post about Pumpkin.

Also have been grateful for hope, miracles, guidance, forgiveness and dreams.

My whole world.

Both of those lists come directly from my Savior.

My whole world exists because of Christ's blessings.

This afternoon, Chris came home for the first night this week. I needed to run an errand and let's face it, that's way easier to do without the toddler. Chris was happy to play with Pumpkin at home while I went out for a little while.

They walked out the door with me on their way to get the mail. As I was backing out of the driveway, Chris was holding Aubrey Kate while they both waved Bye-Bye. They had the biggest grins.

I melted.

Thirty days worth of thank you notes to the Lord.

Thirty days.

I could spend thirty million days writing thank you notes to the Lord and it would not be enough.

My whole little world. A miracle world. A world He generously and lovingly provides although I have not done nor could ever do a single thing to deserve it.

So while this may be it for the November gratitude posts, I will continue seeking to live a life of gratitude. Because Christ deserves my praise and thankfulness every day of my life.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. ~ Colossians 2:6-7

Gratitude: Big Dreams...

2011-11-29T20:40:00.002-06:00

Hey, check it out. There are still over three hours left in this day.

Well, I'm impressed even if you aren't.

Tonight I have a plan. And it includes crawling underneath the covers and closing my eyes before 11 pm.

Also includes continuing to resist eating the entire bag of Lays potato chips I bought today. Largely because while I fixed spaghetti for Pumpkin, I ate Coco Pebbles for dinner.

I feel like a bowl full of chocolate sugary goodness is enough junk for one night.

But that bag of chips is going down tomorrow. Down.

Over the last week, I haven't been sleeping all that well. Too much on my mind. I would fall asleep but wake up if Pumpkin even rolled over and then lay awake for hours.

Chris is always fascinated that I just lay there instead of getting up and doing something.

But I am doing something.

I'm talking with my Father.

We do a lot of talking about Aubrey Kate and Chris. I pray for Pumpkin's future. Pray for her salvation. Pray for Christ to guide me and direct me to train her up in the way she should go. I pray for her husband. Pray for her children. Pray for her friends. Pray for her teachers.

Pretty much, if you can think it, I've talked it over with God.

For Chris I pray for his job, the students he teaches, his dissertation work, our finances. Pray the Lord will enable the work of his hands.

I pray for our future children. However we meet them.

Pray for my friends and the requests they've shared with me.

And then, after an hour or more, I start to just get...dreamy.

This summer we studied "Good to Great in God's Eyes" by Chip Ingram. My favorite chapter was "Dream Great Dreams".

I like to dream.

One of the reasons I think I am a pretty good event planner is because I dream big. With the right amount of money, most anything can happen. Which is also the reason I really shouldn't plan a whole lot of stuff on a budget.

So when I dream with God, I dream big.

Well, big for my little brain.

God can dream way bigger.

I dream about being able to give IFV cycles to struggling couples. Dream about being able to buy the ladies' groceries behind me. Starting a charity to send my onesie obsession to babies who need clothes. Even dream about winning a gigantic amount of money to make all that happen. Or meeting some random 95 year old billionaire who would let me spend all her money before she dies.

Awesome dreams, huh?

Don't answer that.

I love that while I'm awake at night, dreaming about those crazy things I would love to do, I can share all of them with God. So glad He can take my meager, human, restricted dreams and do way more. And maybe He gets a little bit of a laugh too.

There are really no words to express how awed I have been these last four years watching Him take my small dreams of marriage, family, home and turn them into more than I could have even contemplated. Much less dreamed about. Watched Him orchestrate the timing of every little detail. Given me some things to teach me that I don't need them. Taken away other things and challenged me to find joy without them.

As long as I can, I will keep sharing my dreams with God. And He'll keep taking them and making them oh so much more. I'm okay with that plan. Entirely okay.

Gratitude: New Words...

2011-11-28T22:23:00.003-06:00

Pumpkin and I had the day to ourselves. Chris had to judge something or other tonight. And most of the nights this week.

Sigh.

I hate it for him. It will wipe him out. Plus the whole missing seeing his daughter thing. I don't really change that much. I mean, a week from now the only change might be I changed earrings. For the first time in five months.

No promises on that.

But Pumpkin changes all the time.

Every day is a brand new day. Specifically, today was the first time she willfully defied me over something I told her not to do. She's gotten close before and she's certainly ignored me. But never when I said "Aubrey Kate, do not color on the chair" did she then look me in the eye and pull that brown crayon across my white slipcover.

I thought my head would explode.

She got scooped up swiftly and taken to sit on her "Naughty Dog". It's a pillow pet Aunt Linda gave her and last week sometime I, completely spur of the moment, made her sit on it as a time out.

It was out in the middle of the floor in her room. So it is now, the time out chair. Only red, furry and comfy.

Today she screamed bloody murder and acted like the dog was too hot to sit on.

Which only made me madder.

But a minute later, during which I put all the crayons away, I went in to get her. Gave her a big hug, wiped her tears and told her what I always tell her when she's gotten in trouble...I love you too much to let you disobey.

Yes, I am aware she's 19 months old and doesn't understand. But one day she will. And even if that's 35 telling her own daughter the same thing, that's okay.

She recovered quickly and was back playing like nothing had happened. I continued to be mad. And likely a little mad at myself for continuing to be mad.

Then she brought over the cover for the shopping cart. (We cleaned out the car to drive home and so now it's in the playroom). She held it out for me and said "Open".

New word!

I then had her repeat it twenty-six times. She thought it was the coolest game.

Later as I was cleaning out my box of ribbon, she pulled out the three wooden animals I had for diaper cake decorating. You know. The ones you can buy at Hobby Lobby/Michael's/Joanne's. They're painted and decorated. Anyway, I have the elephant, giraffe and lion. I asked her what each one was. She knows the last two but elephant is a big word.

"Ephant!"

Again, twenty-six times later, I knew she had it.

And just to make things better, while she was eating her spaghetti for dinner, she held up some of the meat in the sauce and said "Meat!" Granted not a large word but also not a word I work on teaching her. I think I only say it when I'm telling her what I'm doing at the stove. "I'm browning the meat for dinner, Aubrey Kate."

Yes, I tell her what I'm cooking. I'm hopeful she'll want to learn how to cook. So I can stop.

Kidding.

All in all, a rather successful day. Three new words and one Naughty Dog moment.

Very grateful I can praise God for her sweet little life when she's learning new words and playing so well.

Also very grateful I can ask that same God for guidance and forgiveness when she disobeys me and I let me anger linger.

Nothing like having a child to bring you to the Lord's feet more than ever before.

Gratitude: Healthy Baby...

2011-11-27T22:27:00.003-06:00

Don't cha just love those St. Jude commercials?

"Be grateful for the healthy children in your life and give to those who are not."

Or something like that.

Gets me.

A lot like every Hallmark made for TV movie ever made. And let's go ahead and throw in the Hallmark commercials during the movie too.

I'm a sucker for sappy stuff.

The holidays make it worse. Having Pumpkin hasn't really helped that. Now I see all the commercials with babies and kids and think about the moment she comes to wake us up at 4:18 am because SANTA CAME!!!

Which I may or may not have done to my parents on Easter morning.

And in case your wondering, Easter morning is not the same as Christmas morning. According to my dad. The only person who counted at the moment.

So I watch those commercials and think about our sweet little girl. The presents she'll get. The hours Santa and his Elves (there will be Elves helping, right?) will spend putting the toys together. Her excitement as she runs into the room and slides into the Christmas tree.

No where in my holiday dreams, is there a sick little Pumpkin. Or even a recovering one.

But for so many, that's a reality.

Several months ago, I introduced you to Abigail. She is doing so well. Really. Her most recent tests were wonderful. Many reasons to celebrate. But tonight she is getting ready for surgery tomorrow morning.

I can't even imagine.

So I come again asking for prayers. Even if you don't read this until tomorrow or a week from now, please say a prayer for this precious little girl.

Check out how much she's grown!

As cliche as it may sound, today I am in fact very grateful for the healthy baby in our life and giving prayers for healing to this sweet child who is not as healthy.

Much love, Abigail!

Gratitude: Warm and Dry...

2011-11-26T21:43:00.002-06:00

The weather tonight was just awful. Raining cats and dogs. Hard enough for Chris to slow down to about 30 miles an hour.

Baby was not at all happy about being in the car today.

Not. Happy.

Somehow the logical argument that no matter how much she cried, she was not getting out the chair wasn't working.

Go figure.

But regardless, we are safe, warm and dry in our half-way point hotel. We ate leftovers my mom packed for us, watched a little "boopfall" and then put Pumpkin down for bed. She didn't fight it.

We are tired and ready to be home but blessed to be warm and dry for the night.

Tomorrow's a new day.

Gratitude: A year's worth...

2011-11-25T21:30:00.002-06:00

Such a better day today. So.

The medicine has done it's job and although Pumpkin is still crying some, we left the screaming and serious pain behind.

She even slept through the night.

Awesome.

Cause I needed my strength for Black Friday Shopping.

At one place.

Really, I don't need anything being sold in retail stores. And what I do need, I feel certain I can buy on sale again on a random Wednesday before Christmas. But the fabric store was calling my name.

I decided Thursday I would just wake up when Pumpkin woke up and get ready to go. Not doing the standing in line thing at five in the morning. Don't get me wrong. I've stood in line. Rolled out of bed at 4:00 am to get to the mall. Just not doing that this year.

So I followed my plan and got to the fabric store around 8:30 am. The first thing I always do is get a number. They call you with the whole "Now serving number..." system. Even on a lunch break, I can wait a full 45 minutes. I assumed today would be worse.

When I pulled my number, they were on 97. I was 18. It rolls back over at 100. I watched as it took 45 minutes to serve numbers 97, 98, 99, 100, 00 and 1.

And there were five ladies cutting fabric.

Women were buying multiple carts full of fabric. Some were buying multiple carts full of entire bolts of fabric. One lady I saw had to have spent $400 alone.

Since women had been in the store a full two and a half hours before I got there, I had to sort of be a scavenger. I went to the fabric aisle I needed. Found the few I wanted and then proceeded to follow the guy restocking the aisle with the discarded bolts from the cutting tables. Took me probably a full hour to see all the available fabric patterns. In the end, I got 12 different patterns.

Which, of course, all coordinate.

Finally, after about 90 minutes of wandering the store aimlessly knowing full well I had neither the money nor the inclination to purchase anything but the fabric I came for, I stopped next to another group of ladies standing around waiting their turn.

We got to know each other well. I know all about their projects. They know about mine. Bonding over fabric.

Two hours after I had entered the store, I was checking out with the most fabulous fabric. All for about a fourth of what I would have paid, well, tomorrow. But I now have enough fabric for more onesies, tee-shirts and Pinterest craft projects for the entire year.

Which makes me one very happy momma.

It seems silly. Really. But what a blessing to be able to have a hobby.

I know I take for granted the opportunity to "play". To use our creativity. God is pretty creative. He created us.

And a moose.

Really, that is some seriously creativity.

Thus we are creative as His creation. Some more than others. Some have more time to pursue it than others. I am extremely grateful to have a little one to create for, a husband who supports the hobby and the means to do so.

Thank you Lord for our little life and a whole lot of cheap fabric.

Gratitude: Wiping Tears...

2011-11-24T21:29:00.003-06:00

Our little one has had a little bit of a rough day.

You know. In between playing ball outside with Buddy, stacking and unstacking Aunt Meredith's left-over wedding plates and sneaking up the stairs when we weren't looking.

But other than that, she's got a pretty sore little bottom.

Our suspicion is 10 hours in the car sitting in a wet diaper is not a positive thing.

Parents. Of. The. Year.

In our defense, we did change her diaper every time we stopped. That just happened to only be every 2.5 hours. During which she SAT in it.

Awesome.

Changing her diaper today has been miserable. She screams bloody murder. And it's not the kind of crying she normally does when we change her diaper.

Also known as WWIII.

Eight times a day.

These are real tears of real pain.

I just about can't handle it.

Once we're finished changing and putting on her medicine, all she wants to do is be held by momma.

Which works out fabulously since I am also crying and all I want to do is hold my baby.

The last time I remember crying because she was hurting was last winter when she had RSV. Her fever was so high she couldn't sleep. She would fall asleep for just a minute and then wake herself crying. It was miserable. The most scared I have ever been in my life.

This is not RSV. There's no fever. No trouble breathing. No contemplating an Emergency Room visit.

My heart breaks nonetheless.

Because she's my baby.

And if painful things are to come, which we all know they will, I am grateful snuggling up with momma helps make things better.

Gratitude: Normal Stuff...

2011-11-23T22:43:00.003-06:00

Got to see my family today. Simply love being with them. Love seeing them smile. Love watching them play with Pumpkin. Love hearing about their lives. Love giving some hugs and kisses. Even though Noah is too cool for them. Love hearing my dad say grace..

Over the years, the hardest part of being so far away has been the loss of the day to day. We are all close so the big things get shared. Even if it's just over the phone. But it's the random stuff that I miss. Meeting for lunch. Seeing a movie together. Maybe even going shopping. And for sure, Auburn football tailgating.

Those are the things that build relationships. It's living life together.

Hard to do much of that living ten hours apart.

So these days are such a gift to me. It's just an afternoon of playing or an evening dinner. But what is normal stuff for families who live close, is extraordinarily wonderful for me.

If you are blessed to live close to your family, be grateful. I am grateful to be able to spend a few days with mine this week. It won't be enough but it will be meaningful.

Even if it's just normal stuff.

Gratitude: Home comforts...

2011-11-22T21:49:00.002-06:00

Only when you're away, are you able to appreciate the comforts of home.

Like a squishy bed.

Home cooked, gluten-free food.

All the naw-naws Pumpkin can stand.

And internet speeds slightly faster than dial-up.

Thank you Lord for home.

Gratitude: Thirteen years...

2011-11-21T22:30:00.003-06:00

Today was a busy day. We have delayed our trip home for Thanksgiving by a few days. Chris needed some time post-marching band to work on his dissertation. And my sanity needed us to get much closer to actually moving into the house.

I hate coming home to a mess.

Hate. It.

Thankfully, we have accomplished both things.

Because of my husband.

It's been a while since I have given Chris some praise. Real sincere praise.

He's about due.

Chris is the hardest worker I have ever met. And not just the stressed out worker we all know.

I have a theory about our culture and that is we seem to wear stress like a badge of honor. We try to out stress each other.

I'll see your deadline at work and raise you in-laws coming next weekend.

We use it as a bonding tool.

Almost like women use complaining about being fat.

Should someone ever say, "You know, I'm not feeling stressed these days", we would look at them as if they were a stuck-up-no-good-hound-dog.

Kinda the same way a woman would look at another woman who said, "I'm okay with my weight and my rear end is rocking these jeans".

Those sorts of things are just not said out loud. The fear of retribution is simply too high of a risk.

Chris is not one of those people.

Sure, he gets stressed. I know when he does. He gets a stomach ache. Then stops eating. Which causes a headache.

But he doesn't really inflict the stress on us.

His list of things to be done is enormous. The dissertation alone has to be killer.

The house. The cars. The finances. Being a daddy to a daughter. And being a husband to me.

Which might just be the most difficult.

But rarely if ever, does he bring that stress home.

This week alone he has graciously taken care of all my requests. Painting, hanging stuff, moving boxes and all while finding time to do a couple of interviews for his paper, playing with Aubrey Kate and listening to me yammer on about decorating.

He even took Pumpkin to Lowe's with him. Twice.

Thirteen years ago today, as we sat in his truck in my church parking lot talking about moving from dating to a real relationship, I could never have imagined how good it would be. How good he would be.

I am so grateful for Chris and how he takes care of us. He is a blessing and one I am so proud to call my husband.

Thank you Lord for Chris and for our marriage. Through You, we found each other. And because of You, we have a beautiful life as a family.

Gratitude: Can I be too thankful for her?

2011-11-20T21:15:00.003-06:00

I don't think it's possible.

Really.

I decided to take the fall decorations down. And by down I mean bring them out of their hiding place in the mess of a guest bedroom to put away.

Why not let her play with the candy corns again?

This kept her occupied for a good 15 minutes.

Right up until the point she realized they were edible. Then they mysteriously went away.

So strange really.

Thank you Lord for this precious life. I am humbled You have allowed me to be her mother. What an amazing gift!

And yes, that is Taylor Dayne singing in the background. Chris took Pumpkin with him to Lowe's and thus, I tured on 80's music. It's what I do.

Gratitude: Kitchen Counters...

2011-11-19T22:37:00.002-06:00

Operation Removal of Hideousness has reached a wonderful point.

The point at which the paint and all the painting accessories have been removed from our kitchen counters and put in their rightful place.

In the middle of the garage floor.

Sigh.

We're really just moving piles of stuff around.

But right now, I so don't care where the pile moved. It moved.

We still have the window sills to paint but that's a small can of paint with an equally small roller.

Chris even hung the curtain rod over the large window. I've played with the curtains but haven't decided exactly how I want to hang them. Regardless, the rod is up. And it is beautiful.

So today, I am grateful to be almost done with this project. Grateful my sweet husband has worked so hard to make it happen. Grateful to have a house to decorate.

Thank you Lord for our home!

Gratitude: Super Woman...

2011-11-18T21:53:00.003-06:00

For the most part, I have always given my friends nicknames on my blog.

Why

Because back when I started I distinctly remembered sitting at Fanny's kitchen table talking about how she never wanted anyone to use the real names of her family or post pictures of her kids on the internet.

There are creepy people out there.

That conversation seems like a zillion years ago. In another land.

So when I wanted to tell a story about Fanny, I gave her a nickname

And then gave one to everyone else.

Except for one person

Linda

I have thought about giving her one so many times. But I couldn't really narrow it down. She is such a dear friend. More than friend. Adoptive family. Confidant. A part of me.

She also has the best poker face in the entire world

Once she's done with the whole running an executive's life thing, she needs to make a living playing poker.

She would clean up.

Linda takes care of everyone in her life. Always has.

She can make miracles happen. With a phone. From a chair.

I suspect she does break a sweat sometimes but you would never be able to tell

So really, the only nickname that kept coming to mind was Super Woman.

Faster than a speeding VP running late to a meeting...

More powerful than most everyone in the entire state...

Able to leap through 264 hoops in a single bound...

Look! On the phone!

Telling planes where to go!

Yes, it's Super Woman!

Happy Birthday Super Woman! Love you so much!!!

Gratitude: Rest...

2011-11-17T21:16:00.002-06:00

It has been a long day following a long night here in the Evans' family.

Aubrey Kate is still waking up around midnight each night having a coughing attack. She's not really awake. But we are. Then she woke me up again around 4:30 am having another nightmare.

So...I didn't get a whole lot of sleep.

Then today was a marathon day of work. I had a 9:00 am meeting at the office which meant we had to leave the house at 7:15 am. Mrs. Eartha was awesome and agreed to drive both our miracles to "school". Which is where my little one only got 45 minutes of sleep. Making for an oh so fun evening tonight.

Chris has been working to finish the painting while I have been working to finish my ruffled lamp shade for the kitchen.

By the way, the kitchen is gonna be so ridiculously cute.

There are so many things to be thankful for today. Good meeting. Amazing friends. Miracle babies. Awesome husbands who paint. And an entire website where I can get lost in DIY home decorating ideas.

But largely I am grateful for rest.

I have always been the gal who loved her sleep. Some people don't. They want to sleep when they're dead or something ridiculous like that. Which is a total shame. Those are probably the same people who don't take warm, bubble baths and long walks on the beach.

Also known as the unhappy people.

I'm pretty particular about my sleep too. For optimum sleeping bliss, I like a cold room, lots of fluffy warm blankets, a squishy pillow under my head and a squishier pillow to hug. Then there are the ear plugs (because Chris breathes) and the monitor turned up full volume for the white noise machine in her room.

And yes, not having the white noise totally makes a difference even with the ear plugs. It eliminates the remaining low tones of Chris' breathing.

Tonight I am going to take a warm bath, put on my favorite pj's and crawl into my warm bed. And fall asleep telling God how thankful I am for this life. Squishy pillows and all.

Gratitude: Noah...

2011-11-16T22:28:00.004-06:00

Four years ago today, precious Noah came into the world. He is my first nephew. Adam called me on the way to the hospital that morning. As soon as he said, we're having a baby!, I lost it.

There is no way to describe it. The first time you feel love for a person you have never met. That unconditional, holy cow, that boy is going to steal my heart kind of love.

And he did.

Chris had to talk me out of getting in the car RIGHT THAT MINUTE. Even then, I think I might have googled the stew out of flight options. Chris wouldn't have let that happen either.

But he was my first love.

Still is.

Noah, you hold a special place in my heart. You taught me, in an instant, how deep love can truly be. I love watching you grow, even if it is from far away. I love how my daughter adores you and how you entertain her. God has special plans for you and I am excited to watch you grow into the man He has created you to become.

Happy Birthday sweet boy! We'll be home soon to play!

Gratitude: Paper Airplanes...

2011-11-15T20:09:00.004-06:00

Tonight I got one of my favorite things in the whole world.

An email from Tabitha.

It was a "life update" email full of all the kinds of details I thrive on. Every little tidbit about Scarlett Grace. Their plans for the future. Prayer requests.

Loved. It.

I know I've said all this before, so likely ya'll are tired of hearing it, but...well...

There's really nothing like being in the trenches of life with a friend. And in the blogosphere, there is such a freedom. I know people are reading this. But I write from my heart anyway. Sometimes it's raw and likely not something I would say to someone in person. Sometimes it's totally what I would want to say in person given the time to think and practice telling the story.

But with Tabitha, it gets even more raw. I write to her and share with her. Things I might not be able to say out loud. Things I am afraid to even think except for in my prayers.

We talk about our jobs, our miracle babies, our husbands, our parents, our hopes and dreams, our prayer life, what God has been doing in our hearts, where we are confused, where we are certain. Make wishes that God would send down a paper airplane with instructions for us.

In my life, my best friend Mrs. JT is the only other person I have been able to be this raw and honest with. Throughout my life, Mrs. JT has been a lifeline. She's prayed me out of some nasty situations and talked me off a few emotional cliffs.

Tabitha has become that important to me.

Not a day goes by when I am not awed by how God used one journey to change my life in so many ways. A friendship I could never have seen coming. One I did not even know how desperately I needed. He provides. He meets our needs. Comforts our hearts. He sent Tabitha to me.

Like a paper airplane that landed softly in my heart.

Gratitude: Naw-naws...

2011-11-14T20:47:00.002-06:00

Pumpkin has a favorite toy. Toys, really.

My necklaces. Which she calls Naw-naw.

Somehow, we have convinced her she can only have four of them.

There's a wall of necklaces in my closet and she believes she can only play with those four.

Doesn't stop her from asking for them. Every day.

She loves to wear them on her arm. Then she takes them off one at a time. Only to put them back on one at a time.

Sometimes she puts them in a basket. Sometimes in one of the baby beds. Sometimes she makes a circle out of them. Sometimes she just piles them up. Sometimes she moves them from the dining room to the first step of the stairs (which is the only one she can get to). Sometimes she puts them in the cho-cho. Sometimes she gives them to me. And then takes them back from me.

If she wants me to play with them, I count them every time they come off and every time they go back on.

One...two...three...four.

Well, tonight, she counted them.

On...tee...eee...orr.

Play = learning.

And I didn't even break a sweat.

Thank you Lord for play. Thank you for giving me the wonderful gift of being her mother. I love you.

Gratitude: Dreaming...

2011-11-13T22:24:00.003-06:00

Well, the painting continues at our house. Ask me next weekend if we're done or not.

I will say that so far no one has been injured.

That is a miracle considering we have scaffolding in our stairway. At this very moment.

But all this painting has given me time to let my mind wander.

Not always a good thing.

But maybe it was.

Today.

This also might be a little TMI for some. Don't say you haven't been warned.

I am in the point in my cycle where I have hope. Hope that maybe a miracle will happen and we will be pregnant.

It's a long shot. Really, really long shot.

But I serve the Creator. I Am. The One who created and holds all of us in His hands. I breath because He allows it.

He can overcome infertility.

It's only been in the last couple of months when I have allowed myself to feel any kind of hope. I stopped even considering the possibility of a natural pregnancy in August 2008.

I can tell you the day if you'd like.

But since I went to see Dr. K in the spring, I've allowed that hope to creep back in.

And I am so loving it.

My head and the rational human part of me knows how unlikely that is.

But my heart, the part of me that feels God wrap His arms around me when I ask for another child, that part loves to hope.

I have caught myself day dreaming about seeing those two lines. How I would tell Chris. How we would tell our families. Due dates. Even decorating a new nursery.

Okay, and maybe about the cute maternity clothes in my attic. Specifically the jeans. I love those jeans.

Of course, I have a whole list of reasons why a natural pregnancy would be best for us. And I make sure and share those thoughts with God pretty much every day.

But I also end my request by saying something along the lines of, "Regardless of all that though, I want the best and I know that only comes through Your plans for our life. Not what I think would be the best."

Then I thank Him for the 462nd time that day for Aubrey Kate and our sweet family of three.

When it comes down to it, I am grateful for the hope we all have through Christ Jesus. Grateful He can overcome any, ANY, situation, fear or sin we are in.

So whether His plan is a natural pregnancy, another IVF pregnancy or simply for us to be a family of three, that's okay. It may not be easy but it will be okay.

Although tonight, I'm going to fall asleep dreaming of little tee-shirts that say Big Sister. Aubrey Kate would look so cute in one of those!

Right God?

Gratitude: Special kind of friends...

2011-11-12T22:07:00.002-06:00

There are at least five people in the state of Texas tonight who are absolutely exhausted.

Two of those are my dear friends Linda and Mrs. Skinny.

The other three is our little family. Pumpkin alone was as tired as I have seen her in a while. Aunt Linda wore her out.

These two wonderful ladies drove down to help us paint.

Not just any friend will roll up their sleeves and roll on some paint.

We worked hard. So very hard

The great room, foyer and dining room are done. The stairway still needs to be finished but the kitchen is only ONE step away from being finished. Chris got it textured today. We paint it tomorrow.

And while we are all completely wiped, I had such a wonderful time visiting.

I love both of those women. Loved getting caught up on their life. Loved watching them play with Pumpkin. Loved watching her play with them. Loved knowing they will forever be a part of turning someone else's house into our home.

Words can never express how grateful I am for your love and friendship.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-11-11T21:28:00.002-06:00

Source: kerryskronicles.blogspot.com via Robin on Pinterest

Every year for the past two years, my SIL, Carrie, has done a post of Thankfulness every day in the month of November. I was always envious. How in the world does she have time to do that?

I still don't know how she did it. Full time job, teacher nonetheless, which is really more like two full time jobs. One you do during the day at school and one you do at night while your family plays, eats and sleeps around you working. Then there was a baby who grew into a toddler. Plus a husband, a home and time for things like warm baths.

Craziness.

And somehow I ended up doing the same thing this year.

It was really an accident. A Gratitude Friday post that got posted two days late. Which just happened to be November 1st.

I though, could I? Nah. No way.

Honestly, I still have my doubts.

Things have suffered. Like time with Chris and work. I have a million things to do in the house. Boxes that still need to be unpacked. A closet that is in desperate need of organizing. And a guest room you can barely even walk into.

But every night, I find myself sitting at the computer ready to write.

During the day, I see more and more things to be thankful for.

Simple things like the warm sun on a chilly day. A sweet older couple behind me in the grocery line who smile and offer words of support when my toddler cries because I told her no, she could not pull the cereal out of the cart. Watching my daughter put her baby on the couch and then read her a story. A candy treat my husband brings home just for me.

For a while there, I had lost sight of all those wonderful things. I let myself get wrapped up in what I didn't have or couldn't have instead of focusing on the blessings I had already been given.

That's not a fun place to be.

So while I didn't necessarily start out to write a gratitude post every day in November, it turned out that way.

And for that, I am very grateful.

Thank you Lord for this season of the year. A time when we are given the chance to examine our lives and our blessings. May we carry that feeling and the lessons we learn with us throughout the entire year.

Gratitude: Food...

2011-11-10T21:35:00.002-06:00

Source: paidcontent.org via Robin on Pinterest

It has been almost a full year since my Celiac disease diagnosis.

I know, right?!?! Time flies when you're having fun.

Prior to food causing me hours of pain forcing me to roll around and groan in a very unattractive manner, I was a good eater.

And prior to my job where I worked 60 + hours a week, aka 2003, I loved to cook.

I just flat ran out of time starting in 2004.

Loved good, healthy food. Loved the craptastic, cheap food too. Little Debbie snack cakes. Lucky Charms. And ridiculous amounts of pasta.

Now, for the most part, I get to eat just the healthy stuff.

Oh, there's plenty of craptastic food that's gluten-free. It's just not cheap.

Except for Fruity Pebbles. Those are cheap. And delicious. Also full of ingredients I can't pronounce so likely not at all beneficial.

Since my diagnosis, I have not been a great eater.

I have found some things I can eat and things I like and so I stick with those.

No pain = yes, thank you.

There have been a great deal of lessons learned along the way. Can't kiss Pumpkin after she's been eating a cracker. Just because there are no ingredients with gluten listed on the bag, it can still make you sick because of how and where it's processed. And after a while, I can honestly say I don't give bread, pasta, baked goods or being able to eat out anywhere much thought.

I have also gotten more emphatic about this. I now routinely tell the waiter/waitress that should the order be wrong, I will be sick for days. When someone asks if there's a cure, I politely as possible say See, it's a genetic thing so it's like any other genetic thing and there are no cures for genetic disorders. The treatment's way easy though. I eat the right foods.

We had two menu tastings at work last week and I got sick both days. Not awful but sick enough. That says "cross-contamination" to me. Had I eaten 1/22 of a bread crumb, I would have been much more unhappy. My comments back to them were full of statics like 2 million folks in the US with Celiac's. Or 1 in every 133 people. And at an event with 1,000+, I likely won't be the only one staring in fear at the buffet. Needless to say, we will be labeling the food on the buffet and in the menu with these two statements: No gluten ingredients included and Prepared in a kitchen where gluten ingredients are used.

Flour can travel pretty easily.

But lately, thanks to my dear friend Pinterest, I've been exploring some new recipes. I've found some that were naturally g-free and others I can substitute ingredients pretty easily. I've made two this week and have two more slated for this weekend.

Caramelized Chicken

Source: food.com via Robin on Pinterest

And Lemon Garlic Chicken...in the crockpot

Source: laaloosh.com via Robin on Pinterest

Both were absolutely fabulous. I think Chris even liked the Lemon Garlic one. Neither one took long to prepare.

This gives me hope. Hope I can find simple, delicious recipes to make that don't include six hundred different ingredients that I have to order online and in bulk.

Thank you Lord for the chance to explore new, healthy foods. And for Pinterest. It's a brilliant thing.

Gratitude: Texas...

2011-11-09T20:35:00.002-06:00

Last night, Chris and I took a break from the ongoing Operation Removal of Hideousness and watched the ESPN documentary "Roll Tide/War Eagle".

If you don't keep up with college football or live in the deep south, you might not know how much fans and alumni alike from the University of Alabama and Auburn University dislike fans and alumni of the opposing school.

And dislike is really putting it kinda lightly.

Most the fans I know and grew up with managed to keep the rivalry at a relatively polite level. Although, there is always the exception.

My pastor growing up was an Alabama fan. After a win over Auburn in the Iron Bowl, we would sing "Grace Greater than Our Sin". You know because "There is flowing a crimson tide..."

Not cool dude. Not. Cool.

I think to most of us sane fans and certainly alumni, football is football but my school...let's not go there. War Eagle means way more to me than just a sports battle cry. It's family. Where we spent Saturdays in the fall tailgating all together. The place where Chris and I met and fell in love. My dad, brother, both SIL's, FIL and best friend all called Auburn "family" during their college years as well.

Over the years, and especially last year, things were said to my family and friends that no one who didn't grow up in the middle of it could understand. Mrs. JT has a story or two that would blow your mind. And I admit to letting some comments on FB push me over an edge.

Watching the documentary only reminded me of one very important thing:

I am so grateful to not live in Alabama.

It is way easier to love my university and my family in a kind, polite manner from Texas. Distance is a great thing.

But only for this one reason. For a zillion other reasons, I desperately miss not living closer to home.

Even gratitude from the smallest things is worth remembering.

Gratitude: Loving honestly...

2011-11-08T19:24:00.002-06:00

During my drive from work to church on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I listen to ESPN radio.

Yeah. I do

Today's talk was all about the situation at Penn State. I think everyone is talking about that situation. Radio, TV, blogs, newspapers, facebook, twitter. You name it, it's covering this absolutely heart-breaking and deplorable story

Somehow "I told my boss" is just not a justifiable excuse in my book

As I was walking from my car to Aubrey Kate's class, I watched moms and dads and grandmothers coming out of the church holding their kiddos. They all had that look. The look that says "This little one is a complete treasure and if I loved him/her more, my heart would burst open". Lots of hugs and kisses and snuggling happening.

Made me smile

Once I had picked up Aubrey Kate, given her a zillion kisses and we were settled back into the car, the difference between love I'd just seen and the story at Penn State really struck me.

All those moms and dads and grandmothers giving their little ones hugs and kisses.

And all those boys whose lives have been forever changed in a way I cannot even fathom.

I don't understand, really. It makes zippo sense to me. It's those moments when I say to God, I'm glad this is not a surprise to You. Glad You have a plan. Glad You are in control.

But this is what I am grateful for: are all those families I walked by today. All that love. All those precious children who are so obviously being adored.

I am grateful for all the teachers, camp counselors, band directors, Mother's Day Out workers, Preschool Directors, and everyone else who touches the life of a child in love.

My heart aches for those precious children attacked by a man and a system that turned the other way. I ask you to pray for the nine that have come forward and for the many more out there who have not. God's love rain down on them. God's people comfort them. God's kingdom be glorified. In the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior. Amen.

Gratitude: Country Music...

2011-11-07T21:13:00.002-06:00

At 5:45 am this morning, Pumpkin woke up.

Loudly.

I think she was having a nightmare. Those happen. The only way I can tell is the absolute screaming. It's not the normal fussing when she's ready to get up.

I jumped up and snuggled her for a few minutes. She was barely awake when I put her back down. But a few minutes later, she had one of her now common coughing fits.

And she was awake.

Chris got up and in his barely awake state, he mistakenly brought her the bed.

Where during the next half hour, I got a head butt, a foot to my uterus and an elbow in the chest.

That elbow was the last straw.

She wasn't sleeping. She was doing all she could to get us up to play.

Thus we did.

I said, "Okay! Let's get up!"

When I put her down on the floor, she proceeded to start crying. Not really an unusual thing these days.

"Put your juice cup on the table, Aubrey Kate." Crying.

"Let's take off our shoes, baby girl." Crying.

"Are you done with your lunch?" Crying.

So this is not all that unusual.

But bottom-line, she had now gotten almost two hours less sleep than she normally got.

A toddler running on too little sleep? Awesome.

Not gonna lie, I was also pretty upset with Chris. I would have just let her cry herself back to sleep. It usually takes her about 10 minutes. Besides the fact that we had agreed not to do that after the last time she didn't sleep after we brought her to bed in an effort to just get another hour of sleep.

But he was half-asleep and was only thinking one thing: NEED. MORE. SLEEP.

Needless to say, I was not a happy girl this morning.

We went about our normal Monday routine. Our morning radio show was playing, we did laundry, picked up random stuff that lands on the kitchen counters, unpacked a box.

Usual stuff.

After the radio show went off, the country music came on.

In general, I'm not a country music fan. It makes me sad. I find I cry a whole heck of a lot when listening to it. Especially a song by a man. Male country singers are just the most down-right sensitive, caring, loving men in the world. They put their women up on pedestals and treat them like they are the center of the world.

Real life not so much.

But the first song that came on this morning was "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins.

I only know that because I googled the lyrics.

This is what caught my attention:

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'

He says they don't bother me
I've got 2 babies of my own
One's 36, one's 23
Huh, it's hard to believe

But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

And then I was crying. I gave Aubrey Kate a hug, said a whole slew of prayers asking for forgiveness and confessed my anger to Chris.

I don't want to miss anything.

Gratitude: Wall Paper...

2011-11-06T20:59:00.004-06:00

There's been a little project going on in my house this weekend. The removal of the hideous wall paper in our kitchen.

I saw this house earlier in our house search. It was horribly nasty. Dark. Peeling wall paper everywhere. Big, white title in the master bathroom AND master bedroom.

Yeah. You read that right. Tile in a bedroom.

Not in a house in Florida.

As we walked the house, I told our realtor it looked like a bachelor and his two daughters lived there. And none of those three were all that interested in stuff like cleaning or coloring on paper instead of the walls.

Needless to say, it got crossed off the list.

Fast forward a month later and I was DONE being in the apartment. I decided maybe we should revisit a few of the ones originally crossed off.

When we returned to the house, it was completely redone. New carpet. New paint. Cleaned from top to bottom. New tile in the bathroom. And no tile in the master bedroom.

So here we are.

Chris thought I had lost my mind for crossing it off but the realtor and I swore to him we did it with good reason.

Amazingly, the peeling wallpaper was no longer peeling. It was like magic.

During this weekend, I have discovered the magic.

Super. Glue.

Okay, well, maybe not exactly. But I swear, it's pretty close.

The best thing about this magical wallpaper is the two separate layers. But the first layer is extra specially magic.

It's some sort of faux-like look. I'm not entirely sure what it's supposed to be. Rocks. Torn paper. Cracked plaster. I really don't know. Regardless of what it's supposed to look like, I assure you...it does not.

In order to achieve this faux-rock/paper/plaster look, the wallpaper is torn into pieces and then glued on top of each other.

Flippin' fabulous.

So this one layer of hideous wallpaper is actual multiple layers.

In order to get to the bottom layer, which was glued directly to bare drywall, I have to score the top torn layers, wet, score, wet, score, wet...wait. After about three minutes, I can start peeling.

Thankfully, that layer(s) comes off relatively easily after that. It just takes a while to get them all off to get to the bottom layer. Which the scoring from above hasn't reached because that top layer(s) is so thick.

Thus, the process starts again. Score, wet, score, wet, score, wet...wait. And then the wallpaper top comes off but not the white paper with the glue on it. If that makes sense. That stays attached to the wall and if I'm not careful, trying to get it off will remove some of the drywall.

Awesome.

Apart from a few tugs that I simply could not resist, Operation Hideous Removal began fresh Friday night. My plan was to work Friday night, during nap time on Saturday and Saturday night. That was six hours and I thought for sure that would be enough. It's not a ton of wallpaper since there are cabinets and windows on most of the wall.

Oh how wrong I was.

After three hours, one third of the kitchen wall space looked like this:

Isn't it beautiful?

After another three hours, it finally looks like this:

And as of right now, after another three hours, this is what remains:

And what's behind the refrigerator.

So why, after eight hours (worked three hours at night instead of two) and NOT being done, am I grateful for this project?

Because I can't reach the rest of it. Chris will have to do it.

Thank you Lord!

Gratitude: It ain't mine...

2011-11-05T21:10:00.004-05:00

Growing up, we had a joke in our house that if you stood still long enough in the summer, Mom would paint you.

While I have no real proof, my suspicion is that Mom spent the entire school year planning what home improvement projects she wanted to tackle during the summer.

There was the semi-annual basement clean out. The annual attic re-organization. Taking all the dishes out of the cabinets to clean them. And then whatever paint project.

Sometimes it was just the baseboards. Sometimes a paint job on the walls. And sometimes it was more elaborate and included a pineapple stencil.

You know. Those things were popular once.

I remember the projects themselves but I don't remember her asking me to help or my offering to do so. Maybe she did but it's highly unlikely I would volunteer for that. They were her projects for her home.

And I was a teenager.

All things in her life received that kind of care and attention. Her classroom was the never-ending project. Rugs and paint and home-made games.

The house was always spotless. She will argue this but really, it was. I literally cannot think of a single day her bed was not made. Unless someone was sick.

The homestead was on a two week rotation for deep cleaning. One weekend was cleaning the inside. The next was cleaning the outside.

Her car was also germ-free and polished to a shine. So much so that she never changed the tape in her cassette player. Bringing another tape in would create clutter (she never actually said that but really, there is not another reason why someone would listen to the same Sandi Patti tape for ten years)

Not surprisingly enough, my brother and I turned out a smidge like her. Adam is a little more of a germaphobe than I am but we are both excellent cleaners. And happily, we married wonderful people who both love and respect this about us. Chris is a big help but he admits he can't out clean a Jones.

Since I've been on Pinterest, I've seen a whole lot of signs for the house that say things like "Excuse the mess, we live here" or "Pardon the mess, the children are making memories."

I totally get those. Seriously. Pumpkin has an incredible knack for creating a huge mess while I'm attempting to do something silly like fold laundry. Or take a shower. Can't even tell you what an absolute nightmare my bathroom looks like after a ten minute shower.

Oh, I bring toys in for her. She's not interested in those. The drawers are way cooler.

But just because I have a toddler and getting cleaning and projects done is far more difficult than I ever imagined, I still do them.

Partly because it's in my DNA.

Although it's also because I firmly believe all of it, the house, the car, our clothes, the furniture, the appliances, belongs to someone else.

My Heavenly Father.

We often teach our children that God made the trees, feeds the birds, sends us the rain, warms us with the sun. But I wonder how much we teach them about stewardship.

God put this managerial org chart in place on the first page of the Bible:

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.

And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so. ~ Genesis 1:28-30

He created it. Then He gave it to us to manage.

I feel the same way about all our "stuff". It's His. He gave it to us. We have the privilege of managing it.

And so, I take care of what belongs to Him. I clean, paint, repair and keep up with maintenance schedules.

Okay, Chris keeps up with maintenance schedules.

Is the house always clean? Heck no. But do I make a point to do it? Yep. Because we may live here and we are certainly making memories but we are also teaching and raising a little person to be a humble, respectful, kind person who will hopefully learn from me, just like I learned from my mom, ...

It ain't mine. God's just given it to us to watch over.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-11-04T20:37:00.002-05:00

Whoo-hoo!

Today I am grateful to be spending the weekend taking down the horribly ugly wall paper in my kitchen.

Which is on top of another layer of equally ugly wall paper.

Which was glued directly on to bare dry wall.

Thus I have smooth kitchen walls and textured every where else walls.

Awesome.

But the best part was Pumpkin helping. She loved rubbing the water into the wall and helping me pull the wall paper off.

And then she would say "Bye-bye!"

Not kidding.

And yes, it was as cute as you are imagining.

Thank you Lord for our house!

Gratitude: Driving...

2011-11-03T20:59:00.002-05:00

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, Pumpkin goes to Parent's Day Out at church while I go to work. It's a life saver. Cheap, great teachers and lots of kiddos for her to play with.

And she so loves other kids.

The down side is the travel time. It takes us 45 minutes to get to church in the morning and then another 20 for me to get to the office.

Sometimes, if she gets up early, she'll fall asleep on the way to school. Then she won't sleep in the swing or the stroller for them. Which means I fight to keep her awake on the 45 minute drive home so she can nap in her crib.

Other days she sleeps for 45 minutes in the swing at school and that's the only nap she'll take. No matter how much I drive around.

And still on other days, like today, she'll sleep on the way in the morning and then fall asleep, despite my best efforts, on the trip home.

See. My kid can sleep for 15 minutes (or less really) and if woken up, will not sleep again until bed time. I know other kids will fall asleep in the car and then mom can take them straight to their crib to finish out the nap.

Mine won't.

As long as I accept that fact and don't get a wild hair thinking her entire nature has changed, we're cool.

Chris is always hopeful for that entire nature change thing.

Kinda like going from Urkle to Stefan.

Which only happens on sitcoms.

(Please tell me someone gets that besides me.)

Today she woke up a little after 6 am (ask me how much I am looking forward to the time change????) and promptly fell asleep on the way to school. She got a good 30 minute nap. Thus she "rested" at school. And I managed to keep her awake by feeding her crackers for about thirty minutes.

So close...

I have learned from experience that I need to visit the bathroom before I pick her up and not to drink more beverages for at least an hour. I take the long way to the house and then park in the driveway where I can get the wireless internet signal. I work some. I play more. I listen to a whole lot of sports talk about the upcoming college football "national championship game" on Saturday. Sometimes, if I remember to bring it, I'll do my bible study lessons. Forgot those today though.

After about 45 minutes in the driveway, I decided to move. Went through the drive through for a drink (should be safe an hour into this) and then hit the road. Not a clue how far I drove but I definitely saw parts of the world I'd never seen before. Passed a whole lot of cattle and horses. Curvy two lane roads leading to I have no idea where. Wide open spaces with the occasional mom and pop gas station/auto mechanic/grocery store/beauty salon.

Once we'd been driving about 30 minutes, I decided to head back to the house. So all in all, we drove for another hour after she'd slept the first hour.

She woke up as I pulled into our neighborhood.

So why does this make my gratitude list today?

Because I didn't mind any of that.

God created me to be this little girl's mama. The baby who won't sleep if moved comes to the woman who really doesn't mind driving and even sitting. I am down with down time. Actually thoroughly enjoy it. I loved looking back seeing Pumpkin snuggled up with Violet and Stripes. I was happy to be quiet and still. Happy to play and work. Happy to drive around new places.

Sometimes being a person who likes to be alone and still isn't a plus.

But on Tuesdays and Thursdays, it is.

Gratitude: Pumpkin...

2011-11-02T20:38:00.004-05:00

We didn't do a Halloween costume. We didn't go trick-or-treating. We didn't even go to the fall festival at church.

But it gets worse.

We couldn't find our real camera.

So the only photos we have were taken with my cell phone.

Awesome.

Pumpkin had a great time running all over the place. And every where she went, people kept saying how cute she was.

Why yes. Yes she is.

More than cute though, she is an energetic, observant, smart as a tack, eager to please kiddo. She loves to be tickled. Adores playing with her alphabet letters and numbers. Her favorite word is a tosh up between "Uh-oh" and "Yellow".

She's also stubborn and easily frustrated. And well, a little l-a-z-y. In a climb around the bumps on the slide to get up instead of climbing over them sort of way. Not to mention the I'm comfortable in this position, thank you very much, so if you have to do the c-section thing to get me out, whatever.

Every day, we run and play all over the place. When we walk from room to room, I ask her if she wants to go, say to the laundry room, and she says YEAH and then takes my finger. We walk together with her little fingers wrapped around mine and I think, Lord, it does not get any better than this.

So we may have been a little lax about Halloween but that one day is not what I will remember. It's the everyday moments that take my breath away.

And reminds me every time...Oh how He loves me.

Gratitude: Growing up...

2011-11-01T08:42:00.001-05:00

When I was home in March, my dad gave me this little book to read. Heaven is For Real. It's pretty much awesome. Short little book that pulls at every heart string. Especially for those who have loved ones in heaven.

We have lots. Grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, friends and for us, babies. Ten babies. Aubrey Kate is our eleventh embryo.

Last Friday, the authors of the book, the Burpo family, were on a radio program we listen to in the mornings.

And yes, family, it is the radio show Mom is obsessed with. It's on satellite and I have to say, Aubrey Kate could probably sing the theme song along with Noah. We do travel for almost an hour every Tuesday and Thursday on the way to work.

Yeah. I know. I have no real excuses.

Anyway, the family was talking about seeing the child they lost to miscarriage. Dad said from what Colton has explained, it appears babies and children do grow and stop in their prime while we older folks past our prime, will return to that age in heaven.

My guess is my prime is 28.

So not 35. Ask me about my back. I have stories.

I really liked the idea of my babies growing. I also got a little giggle thinking about my grandmother and Grandmother Evans chasing after ten toddlers.

But then.

Oh you see it coming.

I got a little sad.

Our little miracle embryo was almost asleep in the back seat. She has grown up so flippin' fast. I know people tell you time will fly by. And you totally believe them. As much as one possibly can. But then it happens and all you can say is man alive, time flies by!

So here I am. One baby/toddler in the car. Thinking about a packed pew of babies/toddlers in heaven. Hopefully at least one of them looks like me. Or my dad. Or my mom. Or anyone on my side of the family.

Really. Anyone.

Maybe there's a boy or two. Maybe they're all boys and we got the one girl with us. Maybe Grandmother is taking pictures of them so Chris and I can see what they looked like as they grew. Maybe Grandmother Evans is cooking them breakfast everyday and waking them up at the crack of dawn because "this isn't an all day kitchen."

For whatever reason, our little ones have been on my heart and mind so much lately. Even before the radio broadcast. It could be the time of year. Both because of the upcoming holidays and because with Chris' 80 hour work week, I have far too much time alone with my thoughts. But whatever the reason, I've been missing them.

I suspect that's hard to understand. Missing embryos. I was never pregnant with them. In fact, only three of them ever made it to transfer.

But I love them like I love Aubrey Kate.

So it's hard to think of them as toddlers when I never felt them kick me, held them as infants or even changed their diapers. I can't help feeling sad about missing those precious moments.

But at the same time...I'm so jealous. They are with Jesus! He can hold them in His lap. He can give them hugs. They get to see His face. Hear His voice. Feel His love.

All while being surrounded by doting grandparents.

I looked back in the seat and watched as my one miracle baby girl fought falling asleep. She was holding on to Stripes. Doing that thing she does with her tongue that comforts her to sleep.

And I found myself both so grateful to have her and sorry she isn't with her siblings. Because let's face it, Jesus is way better than anything we can offer her on earth.

Thank you Lord for all our babies! Give those with you big hugs and kisses from us. We can't wait to get home and worship You in the same pew with them!

Gratitude Friday...

2011-10-21T20:38:00.003-05:00

I know it's late but it is still Friday!

We've been a little busy around our place what with trying to figure out why in the world we own every piece of Lady Anne crystal ever made. And why, despite the fact the crystal lid met it's sad end when it hit a kitchen floor six years and four locations ago, I continue to cart the crystal biscuit barrel around the country.

But I totally unpacked it and put that darn thing right up in the cabinet with the rest of the crystal I never use.

There has to be some kind of twelve step program for this.

In no way was this week as successful as I would have hoped. Oh let's face it. As I'd planned. Like on a list kind of planned.

But I'm okay with that.

Pumpkin has had a cold and, oh there's an AND, is growing some serious molars. I broke down and took her to the doctor this week, which was a task in and of itself because we are new patients and some docs won't see a baby sick before they've seen them well. I was totally planning on doing the well baby visit and interviewing of pediatricians but then I got busy. Living life.

Anyway, the pediatrician was delightful. Too bad she's not accepting new patients and the only reason we saw her is because the doc who is taking new patients had a family emergency. So now we've seen a doctor we really like but still have to do the well baby and interview thing.

Awesome.

The doctor confirmed the cold diagnosis and added the "Wow, she's growing some big teeth." Ah. That would explain the moodiness. The cold explains only the coughing in the middle of the night. Chris and I are operating on more sleep than newborn stage but far less sleep than two weeks ago. The last two nights, she's gotten up several times. She wakes up coughing and can't get back to sleep. Chris, God love him, took last night so my best guess is he got about four hours sleep. I got way more at five and a half.

But...all that is completely besides the point here. It's really just an explanation of why I'm writing at 8:30 pm and why my house is still an absolute mess. Which only I care one whip stitch about.

Let me just tell you though that I am flippin' loving the new house. Pumpkin and I have gone on a walk every night. We've been to the playground where she giggled up a storm sliding down the slide. She loves going to the backyard and sitting in our patio chairs. We talk about the trees and the leaves and the grass and the bushes. And we talk about when God made them and how much He loves us to give us such a pretty world. We push her babies on the cho-cho train inside and outside. In fact, we've been so busy playing, I've had to make it a point to read books. We just don't sit still that often!

Today we filled up some of Chris' grandmother's mason jars with candy corn. Pumpkin loved putting the pieces in the jars and then dumping it all out to start over again. We played for almost 30 minutes doing just that. I tried to get a picture of her, because she was having a blast, but every time I pulled out the camera, she moved towards me.

Thus this...

I am so grateful for that blur. Picking her up out of the crib every morning is the best part of my day. Every day. And I tell her that frequently.

Later that day, I turned the candy corn and mason jars into our fall decorations. I love this fireplace. I love that we are blessed with a home to decorate for the fall. Not for one second do I take for granted how blessed we are. One need only turn on the TV to hear about all the people in our country struggling to keep their homes. God has been so generous to us. Chris has a job he loves. I have a part-time job I enjoy and a full-time job that pays in giggles and hugs. Blessed doesn't really cover it.

But do you see the biggest blessing of all in that fall decor photo?

It's this craft project. My daughter colored on this simple green construction paper and leaves. This is what I dreamed about. A childhood masterpiece hung on the wall. I can't wait to hang more projects in the playroom. To slowly put them in a scrapbook. And then years later, turn the pages of that scrapbook and smiling at the memories of candy corn, mason jars and baby giggles at seeing all that candy fall out of the jars.

So. Very. Grateful.

Getting reacquainted with physical movement…

2011-10-18T21:07:00.001-05:00

We are in the house.

And by “in”, I mean the garage is full to the tip top of boxes and yet the house is also full of our stuff. Which means for the life of me, I can’t imagine why we

A) own all that stuff in the boxes or

B) what in the world is actually in all those boxes.

We closed Friday at what had to be the fastest and easiest closing ever. Literally took less than half an hour.

Then the moving began.

We’d pack and move a load at a time. Not because the movers couldn’t have easily done it but simply because we weren’t really in the mood to pack up just every little thing.

Like the stuff on the walls.

You know, if you pack that stuff correctly, it could take several boxes. If you just throw it all in a box and drive it the three miles to the house, it only takes one box and completely removes the threat of getting broken.

There was also the matter of my craft supplies, candles and scrapbooks. Those are precious cargo.

I learned from a previous move that candles will, in fact, melt in a hot car/moving truck/garage/attic. Replacing all those candles is ridiculously expensive. So those now travel with me where ever we move. I managed to get all of those items loaded into the car before closing on Friday and made that my first delivery to the house.

You know. Priorities.

Saturday morning, after a rather long night of mom and me packing the rest of the apartment while Chris was “working” at a high school football game, we headed over to the house to meet the internet/cable guy, the refrigerator delivery guy and to paint the pantry and laundry room shelves.

Happiness is clean, bright white, freshly painted pantry shelves.

Mom stayed at the apartment with Pumpkin which made life so much easier. No way could we have moved without her.

Oh, I should mention that the reason we weren’t moving first thing in the morning is because the moving company double booked themselves.

Awesome.

It worked out to our advantage what with the discount and extra movers. But it made for an especially long day when the last box was getting unloaded at nine pm.

The plan was executed nicely. They moved the apartment over to the house first and then went to the storage facility. This wasn’t Chris’ first choice in his mind but I knew if I could get the apartment unpacked, we could easily live in the house. If not, we’d be eating fast food for weeks.

And I was right.

By the time they got back, Mom and I had unpacked all but three boxes from the house. The kitchen, pantry and laundry room were set up and ready for operation. I continued to get the bathrooms and Pumpkin’s room ready while they unloaded so when it was time for bath and bed, her room was ready to go. Girly went down without a peep.

We feel into bed around 10:30 pm and slept hard. Sunday was not nearly as productive because, well, we’re old now and not able to spring just right back into action like we could three or four moves ago.

Yesterday I finished with Pumpkin’s room and got the playroom set up. There are still shelves to be hung and even crafty like projects to be made to really complete both spaces but for now they are fully functional. Everything has a place and everything’s in its place.

Now I just need to figure out what the heck all that stuff is in the garage.

But I have to tell you the most interesting part of this move has been how tired my feet and legs are. By the end of the day, I am feeling like a walker is in my near future. My guess is that’s because we spent almost the entire last two and a half months sitting inside the apartment waiting for the 110 degree heat to disappear. And with such a small space, there wasn’t a whole lot of room to run around.

But yesterday that ended with our first official game of “Chase the Ball”. For reasons I will never understand, my little girl finds a rolling ball completely hilarious. She would throw it and just belly laugh watching it roll. I’d chase it and kick it back to her. Which was even funnier. But that I get. Grace is not my strong suit.

So best I can figure, taking into account that I can only reasonably expect to get any large amount of unpacking done at night or during her nap times on the weekend, I am anticipating having the garage ready for occupation by our vehicles sometime in early 2012.

Because no way I’m giving up belly laughs and chasing balls for unpacking. It can all wait.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-10-07T13:36:00.003-05:00

Coming to you live from the Dallas Love airport cell phone lot! Mrs. JT lands in a few minutes so I'm waiting while Pumpkin sleeps. I might bust wide open with excitement! I've been so homesick lately. Having her here will be such a joy! She makes me happy.

There have been a great many missed Fridays lately. Some of that is flat out a lack of time. When you work from home...with a toddler...every spare minute is devoted to working. I do my best to leave my weekends work-free but they fill up quickly with life-altering things like laundry and scrubbing floors.

But keeping it real here, I have to say my heart has just not been in it. Been doing a whole lot of just trying to catch my breath and not fall under the changes. I don't handle change very well. At least in my personal life. Work is a whole other thing. Which I find so very odd. Anyway, I know its time to refocus and get back to be rooted in thankfulness.

Pumpkin and I shared our first Honeycrisp Apple last week. She wasn't too sure about it at first but then she seemed to like it. Not as much as her momma though! Everytime I eat one, I remember where this life of gratitude began. With a honeycrisp apple, peach ginger water and a little Beatles. Such simple things. Since then, I have watched our Savior work small and huge miracles all around me. Its overwhelming to read back through my Gratitude Fridays and see just how small my little world is. And yet through Him all things are possible.

So this week, I am recommitting myself and my heart to giving Christ the praise and glory He deserves for every single thing, person and moment in my life. Hold me accountable, ya'll. Please.

With that confession, let's go!

1. Tabitha. Girl. Gift from God. I love you!

2. My job - my boss is a self-described "student of Christ" and I had a lovely time talking with her this week about the work of her hands that God has established. Blessed to know her.

3. Fmaily visits - Mrs JT, then Mom and then Chris' parents! I can't wait to hug your necks and watch the joy of you loving on my daughter.

4. Sweet SS Class - such great women of God and even though I don't tell them enough, they are such an encouragement to me.

5. Reminder - AK met one of her namesakes this morning. It was nice to see him even if it was brief. I look at this picture and want to shout at the top of my lungs how much more my God can do than I could have ever imagined or dreamed. Immeasurably more. Right now I have a sweet friend at work in her TWW after her 2nd IUI. And she paid a co-pay for it. Could I have ever even dared to imagine infertilty insurance for the company? For now 13,000 ppl all over the US. And all we had to do was wait. Amazing.

Lord, the blessings in our life are too great to ever begin to name. For even in our lowest points, You are at work. Providing and meeting our needs as You promised You would. Thank you for the people and things in my life who challenge me and lift me up. Again, Lord, I am humbled at how You love me.

Feeling like maybe it's safe now...

2011-10-06T16:03:00.004-05:00

So we bought a house.

Whew.

Unlike last time when I was sending out the link to the house to pretty much everyone in my contacts, this time we kept it on a need to know basis.

Which means we had to tell my mom. Can't move without Nana coming out to watch baby. Which then means we had to tell the other parents because it's just wrong to tell one set and not the other.

Other than that, it was a fairly guarded secret.

Fewer people to feel sorry for us if we lost the house this time.

Thankfully, however, this purchase has gone ridiculously smooth. We agreed on a price quickly. Inspection was excellent. They fixed the minor stuff that fell short of excellent. And God willing, we close next week.

Undoubtedly, this week will be the longest in history.

My MIL asked me Monday night if I'd decorated the entire thing in my head already.

Um...of course.

Pinterest has been helpful too. Although I suspect Chris would challenge the word "helpful" and go with "expensive" or "time-consuming" or maybe even "world's biggest waste of time". That's what he's always called Facebook. So congratulations Facebook! You have graduated and Pinterest is now the proud owner of that title.

Anyway, I'm about to go insane waiting to get in there and start decorating. Of course, I will have totally forgotten all the stuff I own even though it's only been in storage for two and half months. I feel fairly confident I remember all the large furniture pieces but that's all I'm willing to commit to.

After over 60 houses, we finally were able to admit we could have the space or the lot but not the space and the lot. We went with space. The good news is it will likely take Chris MAX thirty minutes to mow the lawn. And that's if he stops to talk with the neighbors. And like all neighborhoods up here in Upper Middle Class Nirvana, there's a playground and walking trails.

SIDE NOTE: I have so much to say about our new little world up here but I haven't decided if I want to put it out there for all the Internet to see.

So we are excited about moving out of our 683 square feet and into space for Pumpkin to run around. Fire up for lots of pictures as I decorate. I have oodles of Pins to get through!

Cravin' the crazy...

2011-09-24T22:21:00.002-05:00

The night/morning after the first football game this year, Pumpkin woke-up around 3:00 am.

And thus I took notice that Chris was not home.

Had she not woken up, I likely would have never noticed.

Being the concerned wife that I am, my initial thought was he better not be out at a bar with the band staff. Nursing his Coke. On the rocks.

When I called him, he said he was at the Fine Arts Director’s house reviewing tape.

Tape of what, you say?

Tape of the HALF TIME SHOW.

They were analyzing and reworking the marching band show.

At 3:00 AM.

The next day we had “The Talk”. You know, the one where I say THAT IS WHAT CRAZY PEOPLE DO. And he says, Yes, I am now part of the crazy people.

Awesome.

For the past seven years, I’ve been working like a corporate crazy person in the fall. Which just means that when I’m up at 3:00 am working on some project, it’s not so much “crazy” as it stress that is preventing me from sleeping because holy smoly I could lose my job if we don’t meet this ridiculous fund raising goal and for the love I don’t even like this charity.

Also known as completely normal crazy and not absurd crazy like watching tape of a marching band.

Last week at work, I checked in on some schedules to see if things were falling into place for an annual event. One in which I have zippo to do with this year. In fact, I likely won’t even be there.

It’s on a Friday and I don’t work on Fridays.

I had a legit reason for asking about the schedule. I swear.

The email I got back started with this, “I cannot tell you how happy I am that you asked me about this…”

Took me about 4.6 seconds to realize there were some major holes happening. On what would have been my end. Now someone else’s end.

And then, my heart started pounding. In a flash, I had sent my own email attempting to get some things rolling and oh my heavens, FIX THIS MESS.

Someone who can help fix it without letting anyone know I am the one helping fix it is now the proud owner of a rather lengthy list of instructions and questions and considerations in an effort to not let what is usually a fabulous day become an absolute catastrophe.

So I can sleep.

Some.

But here’s the thing: The whole situation has got my corporate save the world one fabulous logistical step at a time juices flowing.

Well hello, Feeling Useful. Nice to see you again, Critical Thinking. Where have you been, Success? Can you stick around awhile, Needed?

I mean, I like it when Chris calls while he’s watching Pumpkin so I can go to some yard sales and says, “She can say Yo-yo!” And I get to say, I know.

I mean, that’s cool. I’m glad the hours of flashcards are paying off with such critical knowledge as “Yo-yo”.

(Oh chill out. I’m kidding. She’s a vocal sponge these days. You say it, she says it. It’s neat. Seriously!)

But honestly, there is very little I can compare to that feeling of planning a seamless day only to have the day completely changed at the last second and then a dozen other times as the day goes on and being able to make each change like it ain’t no big thang so everything appears to have gone… seamlessly.

Because nothing is seamless. Making it feel that way and appear that way to others is the success.

And then you come home completely exhausted but knowing you gave all you could.

THAT I miss.

And yes, I recognize how crazy that sounds.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-09-23T08:37:00.000-05:00

Sometime in the last couple of weeks, Chris shared with me a very moving story.

About a boy and his car keys.

In said story, the boy is a frequent victim of his racing thoughts. Thoughts so important and coming in a rapid fire like manner, they prevented him from remembering to get his keys out of the ignition. Often.

The boy would turn his car off only leaving the radio on and then when it came time to exit the car for school, he would leave them locked inside.

I, of course, being the sympathetic and compassionate person I believe we can all agree I am, was grieved for that boy. For the times he was frustrated with himself for doing something silly. Again. And then over again.

Saddened for a father who had to make that special trip to unlock his son’s car all the while thinking Can he not just put them in his pocket?!

And if I’m being totally honest (which I prefer to be), saddened for his future wife who would undoubtedly open a filled to the brim dishwasher and remember the last conversation had with the boy involved the phrase “Nah, I’ll keep the glass in case I need it and then turn it on before I go to bed.”

Sigh.

I remembered this moving tale and how compassionate I had been during it’s telling while I stood next to my car Sunday morning holding a baby, diaper bag, purse, bible, Stripes and a large soda and staring down into the driver’s seat where my keys sat.

Inside the very much locked car.

I believe this to be the only time I have locked my keys in my car. But that may not be true. For some reason, I tend to block out my past failures. Especially when I feel the need to be smug and all gloaty-like about someone else’s moments of grace.

So this week, I am grateful that boy did not get all smug and gloaty-like with me but instead simply left work, got in his car and drove the 45 minutes south to unlock the car.

Also very grateful the baby was in my arms and not in the car.

It’s rather nice when we’re shown grace. Especially when we do not in any way deserve it. I deserved to have Chris laugh directly at me. Deserved for him to gloat and remind me repeatedly how easy it is to simply forget something. Deserved to be made to feel lowly and pathetic.

Because there’s a rather high probability I made him feel all of those things as he told me his story.

Thank you babe for showing me grace. With lots of prayer, perhaps I’ll be able to do the same next time.

17 months and yes, I feel totally guilty for missing 15 and 16...

2011-09-14T21:34:00.004-05:00

Seriously, I think I might have missed 14 too. I can't remember at this point. All I know is the past two months have been a blur. Or maybe more like smokey. But we are all settled now so let's hope there will be more pictures of Pumpkin.

Largely because I finally found the camera.

I am still holding on to the hope that I can take a few pictures of Aubrey Kate with her favorite tiger, Aubie. But girly is on the move. Running mostly. So I'm not entirely sure it's safe to even try and take the pictures. She might just dive head first off the chair. And doing it on the ground would just mean she wouldn't sit at all.

She LOVES to walk. Outside. Inside. In church. In Target. In Lowes. On the trail. Off the trail. She doesn't really care. As long as she gets to wear her blue crocks, she is pleased as punch to walk. I let her walk from the apartment to the car every day. She carries all her animals (Lambie, Spots and Stripes) along the way. We don't go anywhere without them now. She drops them once or four times in the process so if I need to actually leave at a certain time, I have to plan for the additional "walk" time.

Totally worth it.

Because we are in a much smaller space now, we have to get pretty creative with our play. She is in love with her Sesame Street blanket (thank you Aunt Linda!). We spread it out and she walks on it like it's a red carpet in Hollywood. She loves to say "Oscar". Or at least try to say it. I'll put things in various rooms and then we "collect" them on to the blanket.

Maybe that's not creative at all. But she loves it.

And since we don't have a spot in the closet or the bathroom for the laundry hamper, Pumpkin has easy access to laundry. This makes for some...interesting...play. This afternoon, for example, she pulled my tank top out. And wore it as a necklace.

Awesome.

She's worn a sports bra as an apron. Socks over her shoulder. Pretty much, you name it, she's found a way to wear it.

The best part is how she shows it off. I can say, "Show me your pretty necklace, Aubrey Kate!" and she'll stick out her chest and turn side to side with the biggest grin on her face! It. Is. Awesome.

I don't know where she gets this stuff from.

I'm kidding.

Chris does the exact same thing when he has a new tie.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, Pumpkin goes to Parent's Day Out at church while I go in to the office. She LOVES it. The teachers are so sweet. And she has a little friend.

May-may.

She's an adorable little girl in her class. Aubrey Kate said her name for the first time last week but this Tuesday, she got adamant about it. Her teacher said Aubrey Kate yelled "MAY-MAY" from across the room and then went straight over to her. All day today, she's been talking about May-May. When I asked her if she wanted a cookie, she said "Yeah! May-May!" Apparently, they must eat snack together.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into that.

At this point, I can ask her if the world is going to end tomorrow and she will say "Yeah! Diaper!"

She is significantly more verbal just in the last two weeks. She will try a word if you ask her to. Before she wouldn't do that at all. Here's our favorite word list:

Momma (she says it emphatically)
Daddy (still says "Da-thy" but that's better than "Th-athy" which is what she said first)
Nana
Noah
Puddin'
Diaper
DOG!!! (after "Thathy" this was our first word. And no, we don't have a dog.)
Cat
Lion (more "Ion" but I know what she means)
Horse ("Orss" and she makes a big "O" with her mouth)
Cheese
Keys
Please
More (and the sign with it)
Down ("Dow")
Up
Baby

And by far our favorite:

I love you! But really it comes out "Wuvu" and is all one syllable.

Ask me how much I care about HOW she says it!

She's started giving hugs in addition to her "love pats". My kid is not a snugly kiddo. She never has been. She started patting us on the shoulder when we were holding her several months ago. But she never would give hugs. Still can't get her to give kisses. Even blowing kisses is out. I'm working on it though.

She still loves music. We clap our hands when we're happy and we know it. We thoroughly enjoy doing the Hokey Pokey. She dances when we sing our bath time song (which is the old school Batman TV show theme song...Dahna, Dahna, Dahna, Dahna, Bath time!). I sing to her when I'm changing her diaper. Jesus Love Me calms her right down. If she's ever fussy in the car (since things are much further away now, she spends far more time in it some days that I would like), I can give her my iPod and she snuggles it up on her shoulder. She'll grunt in between songs because she thinks it's gone off.

Overall, she's flippin' amazing. There are some days when she wears me slap out. Tuesday and Thursday after we get home are not the best because she usually only sleeps 30 - 45 minutes at school but won't take a nap once we get home. But then there are days like today that are pretty much perfect. We played hard. Giggled so much. Slept well. Ate well. Even did some dancing.

These are the days when I feel like I am living a dream. Even better than a dream because there's no way I could have imagined how much I would love her or how much fun she would be.

One must protect the dress from those suicidal nuggets...

2011-09-12T15:01:00.003-05:00

This past weekend we swooshed home for a whirlwind of a trip to celebrate my SIL's wedding. Yay for weddings! Yay for a new BIL!

Wait. He's my only brother in law.

Yay for getting a BIL!

The whole weekend was wonderful. From the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner to the prayer breakfast, ceremony and reception.

Except for the shoes. Those were not the best. They didn't hurt to walk in but after standing on stage for 20 minutes, my back did hurt. That's odd for me so I'm blaming the shoes.

Originally I was thinking not so nice things about having two songs during the ceremony but once I actually read the program and realized my SIL was the one SINGING one of those, I took back all my negative thoughts. It was worth the back pain to hear her. Totally.

Had we been smart, we could have gotten pictures of us. But we didn't. I only took one and that was of Meredith eating after pictures but before the ceremony. You know, that awkward time when you can't go to the bathroom by yourself. Because you are trapped in the dress but have been forced to eat and drink by well-meaning bridesmaids and mothers.

This is of just that moment. My MIL covered her train with the plastic. Because we all know how much those Chick-fil-a nuggets love to jump off plates.

Isn't she beautiful?

I'll leave the dress posting to her. And the professional photographer. Who was wonderful! So sweet. If anyone is in Birmingham and needs a photographer, let me know.

The ceremony was really wonderful. This is the first wedding I've been to in...well...I'm not sure. One of the cousins I think. But I'm not sure I listened or agreed with a pastor more than this one. He spoke about a marriage being a renewal of vows everyday. Because each day you have to make a decision to love your spouse.

Seems so simple at the beginning doesn't it? And there's no way to know it will be any different.

But it is completely true. Life gets in the way of the whole rose colored glasses thing. The tingles get further and further apart. And time together gets harder and harder to find.

Until one day, you're looking at the bunless hamburger your husband has purchased for your lunch and you think, I've never ordered a McDonald's hamburger in my entire life. A quarter-pounder. A Big Mac. Even a double quarter-pounder. But never a hamburger.

Which leaves you thinking...has he been paying attention these past ten years AT ALL?

Not to mention this summer has been fairly hard for me watching some dear friends going through life-altering changes. Changes that have left me completely speechless.

Yep, you read that right.

Speechless.

Not just with my friends but also with my Savior.

I've said more than I can even count, "I just don't get this." And I don't. I cannot seem to wrap my brain around the plan. Or even how there IS a plan in so much pain. My heart has literally been broken.

Even Chris said, You're not handling this well, are you?

No. No I'm not.

As I stood there trying desperately to ignore my back, I heard the pastor instructing Meredith and Brantley to chose to love each day. Chose to live out those vows every single day. Chose to hold on to Christ and He would keep their cord of three stands unbroken.

So...I still don't get it. I still have no idea what the plan is. But I know God has one. And it's plan A. And He will be glorified. I know that because I know my friend. I know their heart and I know their heart's desire is to live a life for His glory. Even when it is this hard. And it is.

And I also know that my sweet husband might forget my usual order at McDonald's, he doesn't forget to tell me how much he loves me. That I'm his favorite. That I look beautiful.

Thus, although the wedding ceremony was planned for and held for Meredith and Brantley, God did some talking to me. I'm down with that.

Congratulations Meredith and Brantley! Can't wait to spend our lives as a family together!

Well hello 85...

2011-09-05T20:14:00.006-05:00

In case you've missed it (and really, why would you care unless you lived here), it's been a little hot in Texas. Sixty-eight days of over a hundred degrees.

Which is one day short of tying the record for the hottest year on record.

Seriously.

Most days, 100 would have been a welcomed break. It's been largely 106. 104. 107.

You get the point.

For my Southern folks, it is a dryer heat. Not as dry as say Arizona but certainly far less than 98% humidity.

I'm not sure which one is worse. I remember walking outside in Auburn heading to a summer class and having the breath knocked out of me. Like the humidity was swinging a bat. I was immediately wet but not from the sweat. Just from the moisture in the air.

And my hair was frizzilious.

Here it feels a little more like I'm hanging out in an oven. I assume this is how a Thanksgiving Turkey would feel. I'm not wet immediately but in a relatively short amount of time, sweat is pouring.

Which leaves me wondering A) why I even bothered with makeup and B) when I can get another shower.

But my hair stays flat. And gets flatter because of the sweat.

Ya'll are wondering when you can give me a hug next aren't you?

So the weather-people have been teasing us for a week and half about a coming "cold front".

Last week, I watched the temperature going up, up and up on our "cold front". I don't know about ya'll but 95 doesn't seem all that chilly to me.

But then this weekend, the cold front took a turn for the better and actually looked like it would be a significant drop in temperatures.

And thus this morning, it was 68.

That's a six. And an eight.

68

I could have died.

Needless to say, Pumpkin and I went out for a much needed run.

The trails were rather crowded and we were passing people multiple times as we were all spending as much time as possible outside.

SIDE NOTE: I need to tell you how much I love being here. Everyone is so friendly and polite and has a dog for Pumpkin to pet. A dog who is also friendly and polite. Awesome.

After we came in, I took a shower WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE while Chris played with Pumpkin.

Then, THEN, I went to the fanciest Wal-mart ever to do some shopping for the plane ride. I am dreading this plane trip. But that's another post for another day.

Chris and I got to spend some time together while baby took a THREE HOUR nap.

No idea how that happened.

After nap, we all loaded up and walked to the park. AK is a little too young to really enjoy all the park has to offer. And since she's my kid, she doesn't so much care for the whole getting sweaty and dirty thing.

She does, however, love walking and love watching the other kids playing. We get such a kick out of her thoroughly enjoying herself watching other people have the fun.

People. Watcher.

We wrapped up our day together with dinner at a new BBQ joint.

Baby loved Daddy's ribs. Girly even licked her fingers.

For a kid who gives me her "Eeewwww" face and sticks out her hands for me to clean...between bites of food...that was a huge step. Granted most moms wouldn't have been excited about such poor table manners but, well, I was just happy she liked the bbq.

I'll be shocked if she does it again. But if she does, I'll correct her. I promise, Mom.

When all was said and done, we hit 85 today. Tomorrow looks to be even better. In fact, the whole week looks blissful and I cannot wait to get outside everyday.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-08-26T14:04:00.002-05:00

And so football season is here. At least high school football. Chris' first game with his new school is tonight. In some city we've never heard of. The other directors tell him its an hour or so away.

Awesome.

He should be home sometime around 1:00 am.

When I seriously hope to be sleeping soundly.

Which would be an improvement over last night when my 16 month old was up every three hours.

At 5:45 this morning, I just brought her to bed with us. I totally swore we'd never do that and we seem to do it more often than I would like.

At 9:30 pm when she woke up the first time, we thought maybe she'd had a nightmare. She just needed to be held and then went right back to sleep. I told Chris then it might be a long night. Ever the optimist, Chris said nah, maybe not.

And he was wrong.

He didn't hear her at 12:30 and 3:30. I got to her pretty quickly. Just a snuggle and back to sleep.

I'm more than a little tired. Pumpkin is very much over tired as evidenced by the fact she didn't go down for a nap until two hours late.

But...here's the thing: I love it. Every minute.

Sure, I'm tired. And likely not in the best of moods. But being woken up to console my little girl back to sleep is not an all bad thing. I love holding her. I love knowing picking her up and wrapping my arms around her makes her feel safe. I love she fell quietly asleep next to me this morning. I didn't sleep (she wiggles too much) but I adore listening to her breathe.

She is snugly, cuddly, strawberry-blondy evidence of our Savior. Of His love for us. His faithfulness. And of His miracles.

Groupie...

2011-08-23T20:41:00.002-05:00

Check me out! It's a Tuesday night and I'm writing! Not working.

There's a reason for that but that's another post for another day.

You're so welcome.

Sunday and Monday, I had the privilege of meeting with two groups of women. The first was our new infertility support group at our church. The second was the infertility support group I was a part of when we were waiting.

The group at church is just starting to gain some momentum. There is one other couple who are regular attenders. They are wonderful. I have had such a good time getting to know them the last several months.

She is a leader in the infertility world. The woman has written a book! And she runs a website where she can communicate with other women all over the world.

Yeah, I feel small.

But we have talked at length about the struggle to reach women. She has hosted workshops at conferences where two women show up. And since 1 in 6 couples deal with infertility, we know there are more out there.

It's just such a sensitive issues. So many struggle alone. I've heard it described by women as the darkest point in their life. They felt hopeless. One of the women from this past week is now a grandmother but she suffered through more miscarriages than children. And she had no one to talk with. Even her husband didn't really understand her grief.

Then there are the challenges within our own faith. Both in your own personal walk with Christ and concerns about how others might react.

And let's not even get into discussing "baby makin'" with strangers.

Trust me. At some point on the infertility journey, everyone realizes sex and making babies are two entirely different things for us.

But it takes a while to reach THAT point.

So since we know all of that, we have not been surprised it has taken a while for people to come. We are praying for this group. Praying for the women who have come and the women who will come in the future. And ultimately, I hope we are able to reach outside the walls of our church and offer support to women in the community. I know when I moved here and was looking for a support group, the only one I found was way north.

Also known as about six minutes from our little apartment.

I think God just loves circles.

I remember having to leave work a few minutes early so I could beat the ridiculous traffic headed north. Only to spend the entire 90 minute bumper to bumper commute thinking why in the world do I have to drive so far to find other infertile women?

Um. Anyone else hear someone laughing?

So here we are. In the back yard of that exact church. Next door to the wonderful women who prayed with me and checked up on me when I couldn't bare to go to the meeting and celebrated with me when Aubrey Kate was conceived.

We'd been here all of 4 minutes when I emailed Allison. She's already offered to show me around town, hook me up with a playgroup and meet us for church when we're ready to start visiting.

It seemed completely natural for me to get involved with the group again. Although now it is much larger. But last night I was able to talk with another sweet women who is just entering an area of infertility I believe we are pretty much experts in. She had lots of questions. Lots of concerns. And she shed lots of tears.

I left that meeting feeling God saying, "See. I know what I'm doing here. You're where I need you to be. Just chill." There was such a peace about several issues I've been struggling with. A calm I'd been praying for and honestly, thinking I could create on my own if I did A, B and C or got X, Y and Z.

Pretty certain no one else has ever done that but me.

I have let go of some things I wanted and found I can breath a little easier.

Why do we hold on when we know turning it over will be better for us?

And why do we need to learn that lesson...the hard way...over and over and over again?

Or at least I do.

But I know without a doubt, these two groups will continue to be a part of my life. I will keep driving the hour south to meet with our new group. And keep driving the six minutes north to meet with the old group. Because God blessed me with the unbelievably amazing, undeniably humbling, awesomely ordained GIFT of infertility.

Although I realize, this makes me an infertility support group Groupie. Oh well.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-08-19T08:07:00.000-05:00

Soooo...how are you? Anything interesting going on in your life?

I feel like we just don't talk enough. What with the job, kiddo, house hunting, moving and now...finally...unpacking, there is just not enough time in my day.

Unless you are a flashcard.

Then I've got hours for you.

In my hand. Out of my hand. In the box. Out of the box. In the bucket. Out of the bucket.

Her mind is fascinating.

The update on our week is like this:

Saturday - First birthday party for Mrs. Eartha's little miracle man, James. Instead of presents, she asked for school supplies for a local elementary. So many notebooks!

Sunday - Move. With high schoolers driving their Lexus sedans. Awesome. And really?

Monday - No internet. Or TV. Unpacking. As much as Pumpkin would let me. Work.

Tuesday - Laundry. Lots and lots of laundry. Work.

Wednesday - Work. Work. Work. And frustration.

Thursday - Find out none of my emails have been getting to my boss. Thus the various emails from her asking me where I am and why she hasn't heard from me. All my emails were routed to a folder instead of her inbox. Fabulous. So relieved because 24 hours earlier I was ready to crawl under the covers and cry.

Thursday - Sorry. It needed another slot. House hunting day 268. Nice house. Bad location. Great location. Peeling vinyl floors. Horrible yard. Tons of space. Fabulous yard. Carpets full of cat.

Sigh.

We're not looking for perfect. Honestly. We are not afraid of doing work. Pulling up carpet and laying some hardwood is totally doable. Taking down gigantic fruit wallpaper, bring it. Living with green counter tops, fine by me. We just can't seem to find that house in our price range.

But today was likely the bottom of the pile in houses we saw.

Last weekend, a new listing came up. No pictures but the specs read fabulous. So I did what I always do first.

Drove the neighborhood.

Hello fabulous.

It was short sale and thanks to my documented obsession with HGTV, I am very aware of the challenges with short sales. There's a great deal of time and patience that has to be invested. And then the bank might say, nope.

Good news is we have time.

So despite our realtor's advice, we wanted to see it anyway.

All together, we likely spent less than 3 minutes in the house.

That's a generous estimate.

When we got in the car, we started talking about the state of the house. The dogs are using the carpet as their potty. There was a hole in the wall. Dirt and mold in the bathroom. A green algae filled pool. And the homeowners were there. Watching us. Very unfriendly like.

On our way out, the owner told our realtor the bank was only accepting offers through Thursday. I suspect the bank is planning on moving forward with foreclosure.

We've seen a lot of foreclosures both during this house hunt and in 2007. In fact, our last house was a foreclosure. They're not always clean and they usually need some work in the form of paint, flooring and general repairs to the house.

You know, the things you can't do if you have to chose between fixing the rotting wood on the back of the house or say, feeding your family.

But we've never seen a home where the owners are deliberately damaging the house. Because no way humans live in pee soaked carpets, everywhere, without a serious helping on anger going on.

My heart breaks for them.

I wish I knew what I could do for them. Heck, for everyone who's lost a job and struggling to hold on to the basics. For everyone who feels that pit of your stomach keeping you up at night completely clueless as to what to do anger.

There are so many people out there going through the exact same thing. Almost 14 million are out of work. One in four kids go to bed hungry each night.

And I don't know what the solution is. Honestly, I really could care less what politics says. The talking heads on TV and radio aren't getting it done either. Even non-profits sometimes astound me with where they put their dollars. I mean, do we really need another memorial when ONE IN FOUR KIDS GO TO BED HUNGRY?

So frankly, seeing that house and then the hours afterward when I had a chance to reflect, was exactly what my week needed.

With my frustration level about my job...which I realize is a mom's ideal situation...and my general loneliness with Chris working 14 hours a day...doing his flipping dream job, my week seemed to be eating me alive.

And I have nothing to complain about.

Seems like lately God's been putting me in my place at every turn. Like He's showing me how much I need to get over myself and my petty "problems" and get back to some serious praise. Because I believe God can use a grateful, humble heart but not so much a frustrated, whoa is me heart. That heart doesn't bring glory to Him as much as it does disappoint Him.

So that's what I'm going to do. Get back to living a grateful life serving Him and His calling in my life.

First task is turning this apartment into our home! Which means it's time to put stuff on the walls. Chris, I'm looking at you!

Gratitude Friday...

2011-08-12T21:00:00.003-05:00

I should be working. Baby's gone to bed. I should work.

But I can't focus.

This week I have worked more than I've been with my daughter and I think the exhaustion of that has set in.

But we had such a fabulous day. And Chris even made an appearance!

Because Pumpkin did not have a nap yesterday since she was shuffled between MDO and a play date with her bestie, Brynlee, she slept until almost 7:30 this morning.

That is a vast improvement over 5:30, 5:45 and even 6:00 am. Which is what we've been pulling lately. One morning, I got up, snuggled her and then put her right back in the crib. It was still dark outside for goodness sake. She bought it for about another half hour. I never went back to sleep but I felt better.

And really, it's all about me.

We played, played, played this morning. Then we went to walk around the mall. Pumpkin is loving walking in her stroller. She'll even sit in it and wait patiently for me to get my stuff together so we can go on a walk. Seriously. She sat all content today for a good 10 minutes while I finished getting ready.

Got five bucks that says THAT will never happen again.

At the mall, I found the most wonderful sugar and cinnamon roasted almonds. The only place I've ever eaten them was in the Fiesta Bowl.

No lie.

I ate them in 2007 when we went for the OU/Boise State game.

(And let's just not discuss it. Because I cannot stand hearing about the greatest college football game ever. Was. Not.)

Then we found them again this January.

So that's what I had for lunch today. Yum!

I found a great deal on an orange and white striped tee shirt and a to die for cardigan sweater for the fall. I'm doing my best to teach Pumpkin that one can never, not ever, ever, have enough orange tops.

It's completely impossible.

Successful shopping done, we loaded up the car. On our way home, she fell asleep.

Dagnabit.

So even though she only slept about 10 minutes in the car, she wouldn't take a nap.

I got in about a half hour of work while listening to her fighting the nap. I finally gave up and sprung her.

We then ate and played some more.

And to my surprise, Chris came home! His new teacher stuff was done and he didn't need to be back at band camp until after dinner.

We took a family trip to Sonic to take advantage of Happy Hour and then to the fanciest Wal-Mart ever to shop for a party tomorrow.

Of course, while we were there, I felt we really shouldn't miss an opportunity to stock up on ice cream.

There. In the Wal-Mart freezer section. Was. Pure. Bliss.

Blue Bell Chocolate Chip.

Almonds AND CC ice cream! Best. Day. Ever.

After we got back, Chris played with baby while I cooked dinner. I'd brought home two rather large dogie bags from our event at work last night.

(BTW, I was working an event last night.)

One was all the yummy fancy stuff I can't eat but knew Chris would love.

The other one was for me. Cheese and shrimp.

Tonight I made myself some shrimp pasta. G-free pasta, onions, tomatoes, shrimp and ridiculous amounts of butter and garlic.

Awesomeness.

Chris had to leave about 15 minutes before I was done cooking. Which left baby to explore on her own.

Our kitchen doesn't have any child-proof latches and she so loves pulling things out for me. Lately, she loves getting in the pantry and taking Chris' propel flavor packets out of the box. Then putting them back in.

So honestly, I wasn't paying a whole heap of attention to what she was pulling out. I knew there wasn't anything dangerous.

The next sound I heard was a "Crunch!"

I turned around to see her almost head first into the Doritos bag.

Of course, I laughed. She jumped five feet in the air and then started giggling. She LOVED the chips.

Since I am already the self-proclaimed Mom of the Year, I went ahead and let her eat.

It was priceless.

She was covered in orange cheesy goodness. Mouth, hands, clothes. Even her feet. She did try to take the bag out of the kitchen (meaning three feet from where she was standing at the pantry door) and I made her come back into the kitchen. Which she gladly did. She only ate a few chips. I think she was wearing more of them.

Took us forever to clean that cheesiness off of her. Another task Pumpkin found hillarious.

After that, we spent the rest of the night playing and getting chased. Then bath, prayers and bed.

And that was our day.

I know. You're thinking how boring. Maybe she needs to get out more.

Maybe.

But honestly, things have been so crazy the past two months, I am simply grateful for a "normal" day. Regular stuff like stacking blocks, pushing the stroller, eating delicious food, grocery shopping as a family, giggling over an unexpected discoveries...these are all simple, regular, normal, boring things.

And I am humbly and overwhelmingly grateful for each one of them.

Thank you Lord for the normal stuff. The regular day to day things. Time together. And for the love we share as a family. We are so very blessed. I guess I needed a normal day to remind me of that. But You already knew that. I heard You. Thank you Lord.

One whack short of a concussion...

2011-08-09T22:19:00.004-05:00

Honestly, you'd think I would have learned my lesson...

The lesson being that this apartment is out to harm me.

I'll stop short of saying it's trying to kill me. I don't want to put that kind of negative pressure on it. Maybe it has that kind of malice in it's heart but I'd like to believe it simply wants me out. And alive is fine.

The Friday we moved in, I was crouched down putting things away underneath the kitchen sink when the first attack occurred.

We literally have six cabinets, two drawers and a pantry in which to store all necessary kitchen essentials. Chris took photos of the model unit's kitchen so I could plan accordingly.

Being the Type AAA person I am, I meticulously planned the items we would take to the kitchen and exactly where they would need to go. I printed the pictures and labeled each cabinet with what needed to go there. Also labeled the space above the cabinets and the counter tops as well. It made both packing and unpacking rather simple.

Just follow the blueprint.

So I was putting the finishing touches on unpacking the kitchen by storing away the dish washing soap and the basket of dust rags underneath the kitchen sink. As I stood up, I whacked the top of my head on the very pointy counter top above.

And it hurt.

I sat down for a few minutes with a Ziploc of ice on my head.

(Regretfully, we, meaning me, managed to leave our gel ice packs in the freezer at the house. Happy House Warming Lady Who Bought Our House!)

The next morning I actually had forgotten about the head injury until I was washing my hair. And then I suddenly remembered. As the day went on, it began to throb a little more and then more and still more. But nothing was blurry or spinning so we, meaning Chris, just brushed it off with a recommendation to take some Tylenol.

Which I did.

The next attack came Sunday morning.

I woke up with a goopey eye. Yep.

Right now you are so grateful you decided to read this post.

I'm certain you remember last year's eye issues. That lesson has been learned.

Well.

So I don't really mess around with eye stuff. If it feels weird, the contacts come out. Thus, I wore my glasses on Sunday. It just felt cloudy and sticky and generally gross.

I blame the smokiness entirely.

The night before it felt a little weird. Itchy and rather like I wanted to take it out and rinse it off. But I didn't give it a whole heap of thought. There was way too much wallowing in my misery to worry about a stupid eye.

Bad plan really.

Now I'm thinking since we're nearing day four of goopey eye and knowing I have inflicted my glasses-self upon others more often that they'd be honestly willing to admit, I believe it might be time for me to find a new eye doctor up here in Siberia.

Sigh.

The third and most recent attack came last night.

The apartment has bugs. Not huge pre-historic sized bugs. But bugs-I-have-to-kill-because-Chris-is-never-here bugs and those are yucky enough. I thought I had killed this one over closer to the bathtub ("closure" hah!) but when I threw the tissue in the trashcan, I missed and he escaped. Thus I had to reach down behind the toilet to catch him and end his little life.

And then I stood up.

Where I whacked my head on the cabinets over the toilet.

In the exact same spot.

Fabulous.

This time, it hurt bad enough to actually cause me to cry.

Not entirely sure it was only the pain. Which was bad enough. But it was likely the last straw for me emotionally too.

The bad part...

(I know. You're thinking the head injury isn't the bad part?)

...is Pumpkin was right there waiting for bath time.

She does not like it when I cry. Not at all. I believe she's a sympathetic crier because she tears up right along with me.

Her crying has a twinge of "What the heck is going on!" though. Which miraculously stops me from crying. Every time.

I dried it up and managed to get her bathed, dressed and put to bed.

At which point I sat down to do a couple of hours of work.

With a throbbing head. And a guilty heart for scaring my precious baby.

Truly I wish the apartment would understand that we want out as badly as it wants us out. And were it not for another master closet door off its track and another leaking faucet, we would be moving to different apartment tomorrow.

But alas, we are here until Sunday afternoon. Giving this apartment ample opportunity to plan and successfully complete one final attack. Whether that will be to my eyes, my head or secret option C which I'm certain will be a body part I use more than my head and eyes, like my mouth, I'm not sure. But I know the last attack is coming.

And there's nothing I can do but make a concussion plan complete with labeled pictures.

Can someone call Maintenance...

2011-08-02T22:20:00.002-05:00

I think when Chris attempted to open the drawer with the silverware and the front of the drawer came off entirely is the exact moment when I decided maybe it would be better if I simply went to bed for the next couple of months.

So here’s the story. Last Friday was moving day. We knew it would be a long day. There was one truck being loaded for the storage facility. And a second truck was being loaded for the apartment. Two trucks, four men and six hours.

Chris got to the apartment with one truck while I stayed back at the house cleaning our way out the door. When he called to say they were done and headed to the storage facility, he mentioned that the apartment smelled.

Awesome.

They told us earlier in the week the carpet was being replaced. I was less than thrilled. New carpet has formaldehyde. Yep. The stuff used to preserve dead bodies. If you buy a new rug, it’s likely there too. It’s the “new” smell.

Go head. Let that sink in.

So I wasn’t necessarily surprised there was a smell. But I wasn’t expecting to be knocked over by a smell. And not new carpet.

Smoke.

Like a bar. In a college town. At 2:00 am.

Not that I would know or anything because I was home every night in college.

(Love you mom!)

We discussed it all afternoon while we unpacked. Surely the carpet installers must have been smoking. The place had been painted and there was new carpet. No way it should smell this bad after all that. It’ll go away soon.

In the meantime, we started making the list of all the stuff that needed to be fixed.

The closet door was off its track. I didn’t even know they made closet doors this heavy. It’s like lead.

The plumbing in the bathroom is leaking. Making the cabinets wet. Because wet wood is never a problem at all.

The sink doesn’t shut off. Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. All. The. Time.

The bottom shelf in the fridge is cracked. So we can’t put a whole lot on that shelf. Reducing our shelf space by a third. Fabulous.

And oddly enough, the stove eyes were missing drip pans. Seriously. How do you leave those off? You can’t use the stove without them.

All that took us to Friday night when we left to drown our sorrows in chips and queso at Fuzzy’s.

When we got back, the smell almost knocked me over.

It was worse.

Saturday morning I woke up with both a headache (because I about knocked myself out on the counter top coming up from putting stuff away in the lower cabinets in the kitchen) and a burning throat.

I knew the smoke coming in was fresh. And it was coming in through the bathroom in our room.

We complained and basically left knowing it would be Monday before we heard from anyone.

Monday morning, Pumpkin and I were at the office 10 minutes before it opened.

Resolution? Yep, there’s smoke. So we get the joy of moving. Again.

And this time, I’m packing and then unpacking…again…all by myself.

Band camp has begun. I should see Chris sometime in November.

All this has not set well with me. I didn’t really realize this about myself but apparently, smoke coming in my apartment is my breaking point. Saturday night, Pumpkin coughed a couple of times and I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. This is not okay with me.

I tell myself several times a day that really, this isn’t that bad. I mean it’s not like I had to take Pumpkin and walk three miles to the river and carry water back to the hut in a jug on my head. Or worry about a gun fight in the street. Or attend the funeral of someone who’s home was bombed.

But you know what? It’s not so much helping. Admitting that isn’t easy but it’s the truth.

Between packing, unpacking, work, Chris being gone, looking for houses, trying to find child care for Pumpkin so I can get more work done and pretty much feeling like I’ve moved to Siberia (with the fanciest Wal-Mart I have ever seen in my life), I am losing it.

I am sad and lonely and defeated. I am not sleeping at night but I could so fall asleep at 10:00 am every day. We’re surrounded by boxes and living out of suitcases for the third week in a row. I’m doing laundry and wondering why exactly since I’ll have to wash every single thing we own once we move apartments. There’s “stuff” everywhere and nowhere to put it. The walls and the stuff and the smell are suffocating me.

So if you see the maintenance guy, could you ask him to replace the light bulb in this dag-blasted tunnel? It's awfully dark in here.

We've been doing some stuff...

2011-07-20T22:12:00.006-05:00

...here at the beach.

Like...

Checkin' out the sand...

Chasing after our cousin...

Sitting at the pool, but not swimming because we don't care for the water...

Acting a little silly...

Taking a whole lot of family photos...

Lovin' on one another...

Fallin' in love with this sweet face more and more each day...

Playing chase with Uncle Adam...

Seriously love chase...

Being just beautiful...

Building some sandcastles...

Playing with Nana...

Lots of giggling...

Discovering God's creation...

And just in general loving being a family.

Catching up...way up...

2011-07-17T21:44:00.002-05:00

Well, hello, Internet!

Did you miss me?

Wait. Don’t answer that. Let’s just pretend you did.

WARNING: Rather long post. Consider it two weeks worth of reading. At one time.

So there’s been some stuff going on in our little world. Mostly, I’ve been just hanging on for dear life. I feel like there’s really no way to explain it all in detail so let’s do a timeline.

My reasoning is twofold:

1. It’s simple and I like simple
2. It’ll get ya’ll caught up the fastest way possible.

Here we go:

June 9th – Chris hears about a new job north of the metroplex (definition: the Dallas/Fort Worth area including the surrounding cities)

June 10th – He applies for said job

June 14th – gets call for interview

June 15th – I buy new tie for interview because everyone needs something new for an interview

June 16th – interview; feedback is good

June 20th – gets call; the job is his!

June 24th – meet with realtor

June 27th – photographer comes to take photos of house

June 29th – House goes on the market

July 2nd – House is sold. Three days. Totally not prepared for that. Closing set for August 1.

July 3rd – House hunting day one. Fruitless.

July 5th – House hunting day two. Love house, make offer.

July 7th – We’re under contract for the new house near Chris’ new job. Contract is contingent upon the sale of our house but we’re under contract for our house.

July 9th – Inspection at new house

July 10th – Sellers of new house for us sell it to someone else who did not have a contingency. Apparently, they have a pile of cash sitting around.

July 11th – Spend all day packing the kitchen trying desperately to calm down and get rid of the knot of stress in my stomach. Cause in three weeks, we will be homeless.

(And yes, I realize that is a little dramatic but I totally felt that dramatic)

July 12th – House hunting day three is fruitless.

July 13th – House hunting day four is fruitless.

July 144h – Sign a six month lease on an apartment. 863 square feet.

July 16th – Spend 16 hours getting to the beach for family vacation. Baby was not happy about that.

And there you have it. You’re all caught up!

In and around all that, my mom came for a visit and Chris’ parents came as well. And I’ve been working too. So very much. This whole working from home thing is a complete myth. But that’s another post for another day.

The awesome news is Chris’ new job. It’s the reason we’re here in Texas. Band in Texas is pretty much da bomb.

Sorry. Not saying that out loud. But that’s the only way I know how to describe it.

Chris always says he can go be mediocre closer to home but he wants to be awesome here.

Chris has always wanted to teach at a premier high school program. Certainly before he goes to teach college. I think it’s some sort of personal test for him. If he can’t be successful there, then he thinks he should just hang it up.

Whatever.

He’s a fabulous teacher. One because he loves doing it and two because he is always looking for ways to improve. The only reason he knew about this job was because for the last couple of years he’s been working with a mentor of sorts. He’s a fine arts director in the area and during the year, Chris would take his music and recordings of his band to the mentor. They would listen and work through any problems.

Yep. That totally screams BAD TEACHER to me. Totally.

But honestly, I think that’s what makes someone great. They know enough about what they are doing in life to realize they don’t know it all.

As soon as he got the job, I started praying for a buyer for our house. In case you’ve forgotten, the economy leaves a lot to be desired. I’ve always paid attention to houses in our neighborhood. What upgrades they have, or don’t have, how long they’re on the market, what they’re selling for, etc, etc. Add that to my slightly obsessive love of Lisa LePorta and Designed to Sell, I figured we knew what to do to get rid of the place.

But none of that mattered if it wasn’t in God’s plan for us to sell. Much less quickly.

So when we got an offer in 72 hours, I was pretty excited. It just confirmed to me that this was exactly where God wanted for us. New job, move to another part of the city, a whole new world. Sort of.

The largest hurdle we had…have…to overcome is the cost of living in our new area. It’s way more expensive. Like would have been a stretch when I was working full time. A complete step of faith for us on one salary. One in which he took a pay cut for the move.

Yep.

But if this is where God wants us, then that’s where we want to be.

So we were very excited to find a house we love. And we could afford.

Until we didn’t have the house anymore.

I mean, we had been praying that if this house wasn’t where we were supposed to be, that God would stop the process dead. No ifs ands or buts about it.

And so He did.

But that didn’t help me feel better. I was furious. It hit at the heart of my prideful self. We are good buyers. We have a good buyer for our house. Why would they do that to us? ME! Why would they sell it out from underneath us like that?

So rude.

So yes, I did a great deal of praying about my heart. I didn’t like myself. Not one bit. I prayed for the sellers of the house and for the buyers. I prayed for God’s blessings to be poured out on them. I prayed God would give them a peace about their decision.

It didn’t help much. But I prayed. Somehow I’m sure God got a little giggle out of me. He knew what I was feeling and why I needed to pray the same prayers.

All. Day. Long.

So we’re off to an apartment.

Very glad we continue to drag apartment sized furniture around the country. We pulled it all out of the attic and have been packing everything we don’t use or need on a daily, or even hourly, basis. I’ve taken the floor plan for all 863 square feet and placed the furniture, planned the kitchen items we can take to fill all six cabinets and packed up all of Pumpkin’s clothes, toys and linens we no longer fit in to, engage us or use for swaddling.

And that is where we are now.

We have two weeks before we have to be out of our house. There’s a zillion things to get done and work to do during my “free” time.

Hopefully, I’ll do a better job of keeping you, precious Internet, updated on our life. No promises but I would certainly like to be able to do that. In the meantime, if ya’ll would pray for us, we would be so grateful. Not sure what God has planned for us but we are excited and a little fearful at the same time. Since I quit my job, we’ve been waiting for whatever God needed me full-time to do. I feel like that’s coming. And it’s more than simply being available to pack up a house.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-06-24T08:12:00.000-05:00

I so want to start this with lots of explanation points and enthusiastic shouts.

But I'm too tired.

So very tired.

Somewhere around Wednesday night I hit a brick wall and have yet to recover.

Maybe it's a mental thing because my mom left Wednesday afternoon.

Which has now become the saddest moment of mommy-dom so far because Pumpkin, snuggled in her car seat, did not understand that I was getting out of the car with Nana to give her a hug and get right back in.

Not leave her in the car forever.

By the time a whole 26 seconds had passed, Aubrey Kate had gone from okay kiddo to terrified toddler. She was crying big ole crocodile tears.

And it broke my heart.

I wiped her tears with Spots (her pink giraffe lovie) and gave her lots and lots of kisses. But she kept crying until she tuckered out enough to fall asleep.

Knowing that once I stopped the car, she would wake up and be so very fussy without enough of a nap, I chose not to stop driving. I drove for a full hour. Up one interstate, down another. She finally woke up when I decided to get off the interstate and on to the road. I had to stop at a red light. Nap over.

She got some extra snuggles from me and more than her usual kiss every other minute.

Heavens. I wish she could understand how much I love her. And how every minute I'm not with her, my heart aches. That the best part of my day every day is seeing her smile up at me.

But she doesn't understand and so she gets scared. Which breaks my heart.

Besides that emotional anguish, I have been sewing like a crazy person.

We have a couple in our SS class heading to east Asia in the next couple of weeks so the ladies decided to host a Scentsy/Premier party to help raise some money for them. I offered to sell some pillow case dresses and onesies as well. So I've spent every night making them. Lots of them. And yet, I am terrified I will not have enough.

Equally as terrified no one will buy.

I've never sold them. Only given them as gifts or donated them. I have no idea if they are really cute or really sadly pathetic.

Regardless, I'm putting them out there. It's for a great cause!

All the money will go to our friends. I've been collecting the fabric, ribbons and onesies for months and honestly, have no way to 1) figure out how much it's cost me and 2) don't really care about recouping my cost.

Soooo...I revert to my original statement.

I am tired.

And you are now tired of reading this.

1. Nana - so grateful to have my mom here for a visit! I adore watching Aubrey Kate playing with her Nana. So sweet. And since we live 10 hours apart, so very precious.

2. Teeth - after weeks of snottiness and general fussiness, Pumpkin has two new teeth coming in. The top center two. 14 months and almost four teeth! We were beginning to wonder if there were any more teeth actually there to grow.

3. Attic full of stuff - We have been doing some de-cluttering, redecorating and re-purposing. And going through our attic in the process. It's like going shopping in your own house. Love it!

4. New bible study - our SS ladies started a new bible study this week. It's another Kelly Minter study. I know. Ya'll are all kinds of thrilled. So far, it's fabulous. Sad I missed Tuesday's discussion but very much looking forward to these next five weeks! I love these women!

5. East Asia - so very, very, very grateful to be able to pray for and support our friends heading out into the world. Christ didn't really give us a choice. He commanded us to go into the world and teach others about Him. Love that our friends are taking this huge step of faith and following that commandment.

Hope ya'll have a fabulous weekend! Love ya'll!

My kid does not like the grass...

2011-06-20T08:20:00.000-05:00

So for Father's Day, Chris wanted the entire Auburn football season on DVD. Thus he ordered them. He thought that was all he was getting.

And he was wrong.

I'm not a fan of that celebrating route. I've done it in the past because Chris is not a gift giver nor is he very good at receiving. Getting gifts always makes him a little uncomfortable. It is so not his love language.

But it is mine and sometimes, I need to love on him that way.

I had been planning for weeks what I wanted to do for him.

The easiest stuff is food. Chris likes food. He's skinny, gets bored eating and can literally forget to eat. But when the stars align and he actually realizes he's hungry, he does eat. Sometimes he even enjoys it. With his favorite meals being breakfast and Thanksgiving.

Bacon and turkey.

Men.

Knowing there was absolutely no way he would wake up early enough to eat a full breakfast on Sunday morning before church, I decided Saturday would be the day for bacon.

By some bizarre miracle, Pumpkin slept until 8:00 am on Saturday.

Not kidding.

Yeah, I totally checked to see if she was breathing. Once. Maybe three times.

Since that so very literally never happens, I woke up at 7 thinking holy moly she is gonna be so mad at me for sleeping late. Girly's got to be starving. I didn't even check the monitor really. I just jumped out of bed, made her breakfast and then went in the nursery to get her. For some reason, I didn't go in saying Good morning Pumpkin when I opened the door. I just quietly walked in, saw her all snuggled up in the corner and then equally as quiet, backed slowly out.

Holding my breath.

That gave me a whole hour to fix breakfast and even make the potato salad for lunch.

Father's Day breakfast...Done.

Cooking a Thanksgiving meal would have to come Sunday afternoon. I got a turkey breast and all the fixin's for dressing. Desert was the kicker. Aunt J had given me a recipe from the Birmingham News for gluten-free Snickerdoodles. Chris LOVES Snickerdoodles.

And I've never made them.

Gluten filled or otherwise.

Oh, I've purchased them. Just never actually baked them.

So I thought that would be a nice surprise.

With the food plan covered and all the items purchased over two weeks of grocery shopping, the next thing to get to was the gifts.

First, I knew he needed a new shirt. He's said several times that he now understands how parents go years without buying new clothes for themselves. It's just not in the budget. I had a little money set aside and decided he needed something new. Thanks to Father's Day sales, I was able to get him four new shirts!

The other comment he's made is that he needed a new picture of Pumpkin for his office. The one he has is of her as a three month old. Since I just happen to know a fabulous photographer, I figured we might be able to make that happen. Last week, we faked a play date and went for a mini photo shoot instead.

Really, this is a gift for myself as much for him. Don't think I'm not aware of that. But I wouldn't have done it for myself. For him, yep, I can make that happen.

We did an Auburn theme for the photos because I have a "My Little Tiger" Auburn picture frame. I thought it would be great for Chris to take that to work. Mrs. Eartha did a great job with the pictures!

And of all the gifts, Chris seemed to appreciate the picture the best. Who can blame him? She is the best thing about Father's Day.

Although, I think turkey and dressing were a seriously close second.

(Can you stand the cuteness of this picture? I was so hoping to get some giggles in her new little dress I'd made. What I got instead was confirmation that she is my kid and wants nothing to do with grass. Noth...ing.)

Gratitude Friday...

2011-06-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

14 Months on the 14th...

2011-06-15T20:48:00.003-05:00

Let's take a moment and look at this sweet little face.

And notice that she doesn't look so much like a baby anymore.

Cause she is not.

She is all toddler.

Her face is skinnier. In fact, her little body is slimming down. And really, there's only one reason for that.

Running.

This girl is On. The. Move.

You can see Chris' arm in the photo. Our tag teaming of photo time has become a little more hands on. Or a lot hands on.

This month we wanted her to leave Aubie sitting there with her instead of her picking him up to snuggle. We literally got these two pictures before she went in for the snuggle!

And snuggle!

So what else has Pumpkin been doing this month? Pretty much everything. And walking while doing it. One morning this week, she took a walk around the block with Chris. Like she WALKED around the block. No stroller involved.

She loves to stack stuff. Her animals, her bath toys, the boxes out of the recycle bin. Pretty much if she can put something on top of something else, she will. She's very precise about it too. The items have to be stacked just right. And when she's done, she does this little "Huff" noise like it was a hardest task she's done all day long.

And if stacking is not "it" at the moment, then it's putting things into something else. Like a grocery bag (not a plastic one, a reusable one), or her old car seat (which we can't bare to put in the attic and miss her playing with it), or the drum Aunt Meredith gave her for her birthday. She's never once beat on the drum but she sure can fill it with stuffed animals.

We love lids. Putting them on. Taking them off. Putting them on. It's a cool game.

She snuggles everything. Animals, cordless phones, remote controls, wash cloths, dirty clothes out of the hamper. Everything. She picks it up, puts it up to her shoulder, gives it a good squeeze and then swings back and forth loving on it. Do all little girls do this?

Food wise, she's a little bit me and a little bit Chris. She gets bored eating pretty quickly which leads to tantrums when she wants down. Only to come back to the highchair 20 minutes later wanting to eat again.

Good times.

And just like her daddy.

She eats breakfast around 6:45 or 7:00 am (yes, thanks, I appreciate your sympathy), then a snack around 8:30 or 9:00 am. Lunch after her morning nap around noon. Afternoon snack about 2 or 3 depending on where we are for our afternoon outing. Dinner about 5:30 pm.

More than Stripes, Lambie or Daddy, Aubrey Kate loves CHEESE! Good gracious alive, that girl can eat some cheese. Really. I can't stress it enough. Cheese! That's what it's all about.

She also likes fruit. Which is where the little bit me comes in. Peaches, pineapple, oranges, bananas, blueberries, strawberries. Everything but pears. Well, at least the pears in fruit cups.

Can't blame her for that.

My favorite thing she's started doing this month (apart from saying Momma all day) is climbing into my lap. She loves to read books so she'll bring me a book and once I take it from her, she climbs on up. I flippin' LOVE IT. Holy moly. It is a fabulousness I never imagined. And of course, I must kiss her after every climb. Must.

For the most part, she's still wearing 9 - 12 months clothes. Although I noticed today her sleepers are getting a little shorter. I did buy her a pair of big girl pj's this month. You know, a top and pants. No snaps or zippers or feet. I got a little teary when she got up the next morning. She looked like such a big kid and not my baby anymore.

I absolutely cried when she moved classes at church. She left all her little friends behind and moved up with the big kids. I looked at all those big kids and pretty much lost it. Chris had to comfort me and I had to take a moment to get myself together.

So when "they" tell you to treasure each moment because they aren't babies for long..."they" are so not kidding.

But my sadness was even shorter. Because I adore her and every day is a new adventure. And another chance to see her play.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-06-10T08:26:00.001-05:00

Hey ya'll! Hope everyone had a great week! We were just doing our normal thing. Had some precious moments with Pumpkin this week. She absolutely amazes me more and more each day.

1. So You Think You Can Dance - seriously, I love it. Borderline obessive.

2. Walk Invite - a friend invited me to meet her for a walk this week. It made my week. Honestly. Pumpkin's schedule doesn't let us meet folks for playgroups. Okay, more like her ability to sleep the 20 minute car ride home from playgroup and then not take another nap the rest of the day is what's keeping us from participating. But it was so nice to be asked to do something! Thanks girl!

3. Laundry Assistant - Pumpkin helped me put away the laundry today. No lie. I asked her to hand me the socks out of the laundry basket and the girl did. It was awesome. She'll be cleaning with me in no time.

4. Saying Momma - Pumpkin has been able to say Momma for a while but with the exception of the occasional slip up when she felt that was her only option to get my attention, she rarely says it. Until now! Now we're saying it all the time. And I flippin' LOVE it! Although we have months of walking around saying it to make up for all the time she's spent saying "Daddy". But I'm not bitter about that. At all.

5. He loves me anyway - not been feeling my best these days. Not feeling all that loved or wanted or even liked. And if you're thinking maybe you've done something, you haven't. Some have but I feel certain they're not reading my blog. Just feeling like I need a whole heck of a lot of God's grace and love. Why He loves me, is beyond me. But I keep hearing that song by the Sidewalk Prophets. He loves me anyway.

Have a wonderful weekend ya'll!!! If you need us, we'll be doing laundry and saying Momma as much as possible.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-06-03T10:26:00.003-05:00

It's been a busy week around the Evans' house! Maybe that's because it was a short week.

I completely lost a day on Monday thanks to some bizarre stomach bug. Only lasted about ten hours but that was about ten hours too long. But I was ridiculously grateful that if I had to be sick, it was on a day when Chris was at home. Pumpkin and Chris got to spend a Daddy/Daughter day together. Even if it wasn't planned.

I must have really needed the rest though because the rest of the week I was able to get a good bit done. That's huge considering, well, the withdrawal situation and all.

First I finished the diaper cake for my classy friend. Her shower is Sunday and I have no doubt it will be wonderful.

Then on a complete I-cannot-stand-this-mess-one-minute-longer whim, I got the laundry room clean out and better organized.

Lest you think those are all of Chris' hats, those are only the ones spread out around the kitchen, dining and laundry room. The others are in stacks in the closet. I should probably do the same thing in there for the other 246 of them.

Notice our new green outdoor chair cushions! So excited! Got a great deal. Now I just have to sand, prime and paint our rusted and so pathetic looking patio furniture. My plan is to finish that project before Mom gets here in two weeks.

Anyone wanna take bets on whether or not that happens?

I felt I needed to share this with you. THAT is my stand mixer. I got it as a wedding gift and have literally never taken it out of the box. I have considered getting rid of it a zillion times. Although now that I take notice of the gift receipt, I wonder if I could return it. Is there a time limit on that? Surely 10 years is not too late. Right?

Then last night, I made Pumpkin a new dress. I haven't done that in a while and now that she's walking, it's time to go a little nuts with the pillowcase dresses. She'll be adorable! Until she realizes there's a bow and then she will likely choke herself trying to untie it. For a kid who loves her dolls, stuffed animals and even hugs the TV remote as she carries it around, she does not like a bow.

So how does all that fit into a gratitude list?

1. Very grateful for friends to celebrate and their new babies to welcome.

2. Very grateful to have a laundry room to clean.

3. Very grateful to have a husband who leaves his hats all over the place.

4. Very grateful to have a patio and furniture to use.

5. Very grateful to have a little extra money to buy new cushions.

6. Very grateful to have our little girl to make a dress for. Even if she doesn't like bows.

Life is good. God is good. And I am very grateful for each and every minute. Even the ones where I gather hats from every room in the house.

Ya'll have a great weekend!

Keeping it Real: Withdrawal...

2011-06-02T20:07:00.000-05:00

Since I realize my life is always at the forefront of your mind, I know ya'll remember I had the privilege of having post-postpartum depression.

It was awesome.

Crying all the time. No energy to get dressed much less leave the house. And the cherry on top was being ridiculously angry at Chris for absolutely no reason. All the time.

I gotta tell ya, I think drugs are flippin' fabulous. It was like I was the best of my best self. Energetic, happy, focused, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and complete craft projects every night after cooking dinner. You know, the usual super mom stuff.

The other side of that fabulousness was that I pretty much felt the same way all the time.

Completely even. No highs. No lows. Just a long, long, long, long flat line of exactly the same.

That flatness made worship, particularly, a struggle. I missed the highs of singing in the car, dancing with Pumpkin and worshiping next to my husband in church. It's not that I didn't enjoy it but it literally felt the same as most everything else in my life. Good. Even. Flat.

Right about now some of ya'll are wondering what the problem with that is. Others of you are wondering if this was the best of her, let's not stick around to meet the worst.

It's okay. I've met myself. I get it.

When I started the drugs, I knew I would need to be on them for six months or more. Largely because that's what the doctor told me. I was down with that plan since those six months would include going back to work, Chris going to work, the big fund-raiser at work, the holidays and then leaving work.

The leaving work part is important. Because I left behind insurance too.

I picked up Chris'. It's just way, way more expensive. So way.

The happy pills are no longer in the budget.

That way.

So a couple of months ago, I started getting off of them. I checked with the doctor of course. I had to do this tapering off thing. Every other day. Then every three. So on and so forth. When I finally went five days without them, I thought I was home free.

And I was wrong.

See, here's the thing. My body liked the happy pills. Like really liked them. Without them, it has rebelled. There's the brain zaps which basically feel like a split second electric shock. Things go blurry. Kinda feels like an ice cream headache. And then it's gone.

Then there's the body aches. Like the flu only it lasts weeks longer.

And remember all those PPD symptoms? Yep. Theeeyyyy'rrrrreeeee baaaack. (Please totally read that in your best Poltergeist voice)

Of course, I had no idea what was causing all this. The brain zaps, yes. The other stuff, no. So I did a googling and whadayaknow? There's a withdrawal process in getting off these meds.

Withdrawal!?!?!!?

Thankfully, most of the symptoms have gone away. Or at least they've chilled the heck out. It's all boiled down now to headaches that last for literally days and the brain zaps linger too. I'm still awfully touchy. I find my feelings are hurt so quickly. I am pretty much exhausted all the time. Although that could have more to do with a kiddo who's favorite game is chase.

And so here I am. No longer a flat line. More like a whole lot of valleys with a little hill when I get to take a nap.

Except for the mountain tops of worship.

I feel almost as if I am sitting right there at Jesus' feet. Honestly, He might be getting a little tired of hearing from me. It's like I have a year's worth of heart to share.

Although, Chris is probably not as thrilled. My poor husband. Tell Jesus all about it babe.

500th Post...

2011-05-31T15:30:00.000-05:00

Seriously.

Was starting to think I would never get to this post. I've had so many plans for it. Likely spent more time thinking about it than I did Pumpkin's birthday party.

So many ideas. Pictures. Words of wisdom. Revelations.

But now that it's here, I'm not really feeling any of that.

Feeling more Lessons Learned in the past three plus years.

Ya'll are on the edge of your seats aren't you? Oooo...Ahhhh....

In no particular order...

Texans really love being Texans.

Texans really dislike anyone else.

Whole Foods is better than Disney World.

Gluten is bad.

Target tee shirts are good.

Babies are not easy to make.

Really regret the six years of birth control.

Living further than a days drive from the beach is not normal.

Living further than a days drive from your family is lonely.

Save for the sofa you really want instead of buying what's on sale.

Needles are not that scary.

Organic, chemical free living should not be a luxury.

Freedom to worship is a luxury we take for granted.

I am weaker than I thought.

God is stronger than I gave Him credit for.

Things happen that leave you speechless.

God hears the unspoken cries of your heart.

Good friends are hard to find.

Being a good friend is much harder.

I never regret the gifts, acts, words I give to others.

Only regret the gifts, acts, words I thought about giving and didn't.

My daughter walking towards me is the best moment in the day. Every time.

My daughter holding food out over the floor to see if I will tell her DO NOT DROP YOUR FOOD is the worst moment in the day. Every time.

I really miss working.

I don't miss working as much as I would miss being at home.

If you don't use coupons it's because you have the choice not to.

If you use coupons to acquire large quaniities of things you will not eat or use and do not donate those to someone who needs them, you are a Hoarder.

Vaccuming makes me happy.

Ironing makes me unhappy.

A baby changes everything.

Nothing can prepare you for those changes.

A gratitude list does not mean you won't feel sad or lonely or tired or used up.

A gratitude list will help you move on from all that much quicker than without it.

I love her...

2011-05-29T20:34:00.003-05:00

Gratitude Friday...

2011-05-27T11:08:00.004-05:00

How 'bout we start off with some pictures of Pumpkin?

So these are from this morning. Still begging to go outside. Seriously, can you resist that face?

These are from our walk outside last night. She has become all Miss Independent about walking. She doesn't want to and flat out won't hold Mommy's hand. So this is her Gotta catch myself before I fall down the drive way face.

Followed by her I totally got this smiley face.

She is pretty much walking all over the place now. There's some exploring going on around the house too. Good and bad comes from that. Good because she can follow me and as long as there's interesting stuff in the room, she's content to explore. Which equals significantly less whining.

The bad is all the interesting stuff she's finding in each room. Basically, it looks like a tornado hit the room by the time we leave. I may have made the bed or cleaned the sink but all the scrapbooks and everything off my nightstand has to be put back in it's place.

But here's the best part:

I stinkin' love it. LOVE IT.

Fairly certain ya'll don't remember but back in the Spring of 2009, I woke up one Saturday morning to a quiet, empty, ridiculously clean house and found I was so very, very bored.

(Here's the link in case you'd like a trip down infertile memory lane)

No longer am I bored. Now I spend more time laughing and smiling and mopping sticky floors where my daughter drops her peaches than I could have ever imagined.

Love. It.

I am so very grateful for our little family of three. Not all of my friends are able to say that right now. (The amusement park is still open) Things aren't always easy. Not always pleasant. Not always kind. We're human. Fallen. Selfish. Especially me. But no matter what, I am grateful.

Thank you Lord for my family. For my husband. For my daughter. Thank you for showing me Your love through them and our messy, loud, needs mopping life. Oh how You love me!

Not really sure how to teach her this...

2011-05-26T16:23:00.002-05:00

So it's summer.

Okay, technically, it's still spring.

And I'm sure if you live up north...

(which would make you a Yankee, by the way)

(needed to clarify that)

...then it might not be hot as blue blazes yet. Or maybe it never gets hot as blue blazes. Maybe you max out at just plain hot. I don't know.

But 'round here, it's getting warm. We're just tap-tap-tappin' on mid-nighties every day.

That means the concrete is also getting warm. Not quite hot enough to fry an egg. That's scheduled to happen in approximately twelve days. Give or take.

But it is hot enough to hurt Pumpkin's little feet.

So after attempting a myriad of distractions all day long to avoid taking her outside for a walk on the hot concrete, I gave in.

Not because I wanted her to hurt but because I was hoping the concrete would help teach her that No, we need to wait until after Daddy comes home to walk outside.

Well. I was wrong.

Oh, we went out. She walked proudly out the front door on to the tiny covered entry (tiny. So.) and then down the step to the walkway.

Where she promptly started crying.

Now, I was out there barefooted as well. I'm not completely heartless. I knew if it were really hot, I would scoop her up and just go to my happy place to deal with the fussing while she stood at the door.

But it wasn't crazy hot. Just a little warm.

However, it was likely warmer than the soft albeit ten year old carpet and the cool boring tile in the kitchen. And I suspect her sweet-soft-only-13-month-old feet are slightly more sensitive than my 34 year old-too-ticklish-to-get-a-pedicure feet.

(Yeah, not kidding about the pedicure. Last one I got was in 2004 for Mrs. JT's wedding. The little lady said in a very thick Asian accent that my feet needed some serious help. Or something like that. I was too busy trying not to kick her in the face because hello! That flippin' tickles!!!)

Now, I thought that the warm concrete would have been enough to deter her.

But again, I was wrong.

I'm detecting a theme here.

We had only been inside 4.6 seconds when she was walking back towards the front door. Upon reaching said door, she began whimpering and patting it in her not so subtle way of telling me what she wants.

So I find myself in a familiar place as a mom.

Completely unsure how to teach her something.

And if the warm concrete can't help me, then I feel like no one and nothing can.

It's time for me to just go to my happy place (which is in a cabana on the beach in Destin with an ice cold DDP and a case of spray on sunscreen) and try some new distractions to keep Pumpkin's feet from burning.

More basketball, baby...

2011-05-25T10:56:00.003-05:00

So first I need to tell ya that Pumpkin and I were accosted in the Kroger today by a Bulldog.

A Georgia bulldog.

He must have seen us getting out of our Auburn car. Or we give off some sort of National Championship glow. Either is totally possible.

"Surely you aren't planning on sending that beautiful baby to Auburn are you?"

"If she wants us to pay for it, then yes. Auburn it is."

"Come on! Don't you think she would look far better in the classic red and black?"

"She'd be adorable in any color but really it's less about a color scheme and more about my desire for her to never have to bark like a dog."

"Well, at least she'll be in SEC and that's a good thing."

"True, that's the way God intended it to be."

So. There's that.

Alright, Monday night was another Thunder watch party. Aunt Linda sent us another care package for Pumpkin. I swear I just melted when I put her in this onesie! Had she allowed me to put an orange bow on her, I might now have survived the cuteness.

Our little wallflower was all over the place. She kept our newly wedded guests entertained. There was popcorn to eat. Laps to climb into. And silver beads to play with. I really don't know where she gets her social butterfly-ness.

Cause it ain't from me.

We've got another game tonight but we'll be snuggled up at home as a family of three. No watch party. We thought about it but we're out of new cute basketball outfits.

Can't have a party without some new duds!

Gratitude Friday...

2011-05-20T19:27:00.002-05:00

Teething baby. So. Very. Tired.

Heavens.

This week has just been exhausting. Not to be all vague and stuff but I'm gonna have to be all vague and stuff.

I've basically been in an amusement park of emotions. Not really sure who was in charge of the dips and turns but it certainly wasn't me. And it wasn't the friends who were on the rides with me.

One on side of the park, the roller coaster. We'd be on our way up a hill thinking This is awesome! There's a light. We're coming to a new moment of inspiration! Only to find out it's got a gigantic valley on the other side. And we plunged over it hanging on for dear life. Then some twists and a loop or 24 in a row.

Absolutely none of it was done with our hands in the air and laughing till we cried.

Oh, there was crying but it wasn't the tears of joy kind.

But then across the park was sort of a haunted ride. It was ridiculously fast at first only to basically slow down to a crawl. Now we're trapped on a ride we'd just rather be done with but we can't get off just yet. And right now we don't know how the ride will end. Will it come to a screeching halt after a huge plummet or will it just keep going at a lazy steady pace for a while?

That ride has been a little scary and a whole lot confusing. A few tears but mostly just feeling around in the dark wondering where and how it will end.

Along the way, I've been sending up messages to as many people as I can for their prayers. Some folks for the roller coaster and others for the haunted house.

And the teething baby in the Fun House was the icing on the cake.

I have spent more time on the phone, texting and FaceBooking (that is so got to become a verb like "google" has) this week than in the past four combined. Seriously. I'm not much of a phone girl but you do what you need to do.

So honestly, this week I am very grateful to all of those people on the other end of those texts, phone calls and FB messages. Including the ones on the ride with me. They are my family and whatever they need, I'll do what I can to make that happen.

I just can't make the rides stop. Only God can and since He gave us free will, we're sort of at the mercy of other humans and their actions.

If you have a few spare moments, would so appreciate your prayers for the Roller Coaster Ride and the Haunted House Ride. And the Fun House too although as some point those darn teeth have to come in. Oh please let that be so!

Don't want to end on a vague note though! There is some great news!

Baby Abigail gets to go HOME on Monday!!!! Please pray all goes well this weekend. They have their stay-over Sunday night. Take a look at Abigail's latest pictures. Isn't she just adorable?!?!?! THANK YOU for all your prayers and support. What a blessing you all are.

Basketball baby...

2011-05-18T09:28:00.002-05:00

It's playoff time!

And amazingly enough, our adoptived team, The Thunder, are in the conference semi-finals against the Dallas Mavs. Of course, all of our SS class are Mavs fans. So when you know you're going to a watch party and are the only Thunder fans in the whole city, you need to go all out to represent!

Aunt Linda sent us a fabulous package of all kinds of Thunder gear! Including an adorable onesie that pretty much swallowed her whole. But she will be so precious in it one day!

I made her a basketball onesie just incase. Turned out pretty well. But really, I could put her in anything and she would make it cute.

13 Months and Sitting Still Isn't Gonna Happen...

2011-05-16T10:56:00.008-05:00

Okay. So this is Momma talking to you this month.

There's too much to share and Aubrey Kate's typing skills are not up to par quite yet.

First, let me tell you that getting good pictures of Pumpkin is a team sport.

In one corner is a very mobile toddler who absolutely, positively, ain't havin' it will not sit still.

In the other corner, Chris and me. One of us with the camera and the other inches away from Pumpkin in case she is successful in her break out attempt.

You can see we barely kept her from taking a nose dive off the chair. She then changed her method and tried to slide off it. It's almost like we need a catcher's mitt.

Trying to get a video of her is also nearly impossible. She sees it and immediately makes a bee-line for it.

Ooooo...an electronic device! With buttons to push.

Last night, she finally figured out how to slide my phone open. She managed to call Chris. So if you get a random call from me and hear adorable giggling, it's Aubrey Kate. Feel free to say Hi but so far she hasn't discovered how to talk on the phone. Just giggle when it lights up.

Oh the giggling! She has to be the easiest baby ever to make laugh. Yesterday at church, one of the other teacher's daughter was playing with her. Maggie was wearing white pants and was a little concerned about AK's tendency to swing her applesauce all over the place. When AK would swing it in her direction, Maggie would jump six feet in the air.

My kid loved it.

One person from the class next door came over to find out who was making the adorable giggles. They thought it might have been a Tickle Me Elmo. Maggie's dad said "AK giggles with her whole body!'

True dat.

Now you might be asking why Pumpkin was eating applesauce before we dropped her off at the nursery.

The simple answer is: My kid is starving.

No lie, she is inhaling food at an alarming rate. Last week, she ate an entire container of blueberries in two days.

She will eat pretty much anything. We added some serious points to our campaign for Parents of the Year yesterday. She got to eat french fries and some of Daddy's Totino's Pizza.

And she loved them.

Fruit, veggies, cereal, juice, cheese...she loves them all.

Except milk. Will not drink milk. Will. Not.

Any ideas on how we can make that happen?

But what she will drink in large amounts is bath water.

Yeah. I'll wait for you to re-read that to make sure that's what I said.

The cup is as big as her face so when she finishes almost drowning herself by drinking the water, she has this fabulous red ring around her face. I have tried giving her regular water out of a sippy cup but nope. She's having none of that.

Go ahead and get that Parents of the Year trophy engraved with our names.

As far as how big she's gotten, I have not a clue. We haven't weighed her.

But I will tell you, for the most part, she's wearing 9 months. Depending on the brand, of course. She has grown out of some of her pants. Because they're too short. But since it's warm weather, not all that concerned about pants.

She hates wearing shoes but I did get her some new tennis shoes and sandals. She's a size 3 but a narrow 3. Why they make shoes so wide for babies, I will never understand. I'm having visions of selling these to the consignment shop in mint condition.

Other than that, she's simply amazing.

Really. I'm sure most parents feel this way about their kids. There is nothing better than seeing her walking towards me with this big grin on her face. I worry once she goes to school, she'll experience a shock when she doesn't get a kiss every other minute. I pick her up, kiss. I read her a book, kiss. She laughs at my roaring lion impression, kiss. She finishes her yogurt, kiss. All day. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Can you blame me?

Gratitude Friday...

2011-05-13T22:35:00.004-05:00

First, shout out to Blogger for both shutting down blogger for two days and for finally fixing it.

Although, I lost the comments. And I didn't get to read them. I SAW there were three, which is awesomeness since I've been posting and hearing crickets chirping lately, but I never got to read them.

Soooo...if you commented on Lulu and Rita, could you be a dear and re-comment for me?

It would do me good.

Next, I feel the need to share that I have now successfully made my first ever (and possibly my last) ribbon topiary. I saw one on Etsy and like most new craft projects I find, felt the need to create one immediately. Two days and more money than I've spent in three months on ribbons later, the topiary is complete.

It will be a diaper cake topper. The recipient is a classy gal so it will be perfect for her and her little girl.

In addition, I have completed some presents for our newest infertile miracle baby! Tabitha welcomed a beautiful baby GIRL on May 3rd! Scarlett Grace! Not gonna lie, I cried with every text from her hubby updating folks on her arrival. I'm so excited to have another girl in the family

Also did some crying for another little miracle this week.

Baby Abigail

Abigail had another surgery this week and recovery is hard. Her daddy, Jody, said last week they had a growing, happy baby and this week they have a really, really sick kid again.

There are no words

So today, I held Aubrey Kate a smidge longer in my lap. I laughed a little more when she giggled. I read her books with a tad bit more enthusiasm. And told her how much I love her pretty much obsessively.

If you've got a moment, please say a prayer for Abigail. You can follow her story HERE. I know Jody and Stephanie are grateful for your prayers.

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to pray alongside this sweet family. It is a privilege to join them at Your feet. Please heal her little body and send Your Spirit to comfort Jody, Stephanie and precious Abigail.

Checking in with Lulu and Rita...

2011-05-11T20:18:00.001-05:00

Got to see some old friends this week. And by "old" I mean...well...old.

There are like 2 new readers so let me get everyone caught up.

I am infertile. Meaning. WE are infertile.

In September 2009, we walked into our baby-makin' doctor (an RE), Dr. K's office for the first time. Two hours later, I had given some blood and had my first date with Wand for an internal look at my ovaries and uterus. It was also the first time I realized for all of Dr. K's fabulousness, the man had not a clue how uncomfortable having a 14 inch stick poking around your insides is. I say he does it like he's stoking a fire.

The nurses are a little more careful.

Anyway during that first meeting, Dr. K said he liked to see at least 10 chocolate chips cooking on the ovaries. Those are actually follicles that may turn into mature eggs which might be released and by the sheer miracle of God, meet a couple of hard-working, determined sperm. So Wand was poking around in there hoping to see 10 follicles.

I had 5.

Awesome. On opposite day.

That means I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve or DOR for short. We infertiles are kinda partial to abbreviations.

DOR basically boils down to I am likely a whole heck of a lot closure to menopause than most 34 year olds. My ovaries look and act more like 40 somethings. Possibly even 50 somethings.

And in the ovarian world, 50 is NOT the new 30.

Overcoming DOR is not an easy task. For me, I had to get cancelled once and then fail during IVF 1.5 to get off my stubborn duff and do something about it.

That something was four months of weekly acupuncture treatments, herbal supplements, an all organic diet and less strenuous exercise.

With a gigantic dose of prayer.

After four months, Dr. K took another look at my ovaries, who I had by now named Lulu (left ovary) and Rita (right ovary). I even created back stories for them. Spending almost a full year trying to have a baby spurs you to either become depressed or get creative.

I opted for creative.

So after those four months, I had 10 chocolate chips.

Double stuffed!

Now, understand, 10 is the LOWEST number he likes to see. Still qualifies for DOR. Which means I still had the joy (and expense) of taking the highest dosage allowed of stim meds.

Stim meds "stimulate" the ovaries and force them to grow more follicles and thus more mature eggs.

Or more plainly, I was getting four shots a day for 8 days.

Miracle of miracles, IVF 2.5 worked and nine months later...Aubrey Kate.

Totally worth every stinkin' shot including all those tiny needles during acupuncture.

Alright, so that brings us up to the present.

Pumpkin is almost 13 months and while we are not all fired up to have another baby right away, thanks to DOR, I don't so much have the option of taking our time. But I wanted to know how much of a rush are we in here. I mean, are we talking need to get on the ball now or can we wait six months or even a year.

So off I go to see Dr. K.

We did some hugging and catching up on Pumpkin and his two kids (thanks to IVF). He asked about Chris and looked at some pictures of the miracle kiddo he played a role in helping create. He told me he doesn't remember every couple but there are some he will never forget. We are of the unforgettable version.

I heart him.

So then came the appointed time to visit Wand.

Dr. K walks in and says, "Does it feel weird to be back in this position?"

"This position" being naked from the waist down, feet in the stirrups.

And I said, "No, not really. Sort of feels normal."

He laughed and said "I bet it does for you."

The stoking of the fire began but I think he's been getting some pointers because it was way better. Way.

He measured Lulu and Rita, counted follicles and took at look at my uterus (which he once referred to as "beautiful". And yes, I loved that compliment.).

We started with Rita first and when I called her by name, he started laughing. He said he'd forgotten I had named them. He said, "You were such a fun couple."

Aren't we though?

Rita had 5 follicles. FIVE. Holy moly.

Then over to Lulu. I reminded him that Lulu is our beauty queen who prefers to let Rita do all the work. He looked at my chart and said, "Ha. You're right. She's a little lazy."

Exactly.

But she must have had some sort of life changing event, like her sugar daddy husband dying, because she had FOUR follicles.

That's NINE total.

Nine. Sans acupuncture, supplements and organic diet.

We still have the AMH (I can't spell that whole word so let's just define it by saying the lower the number, the older Lulu and Rita are) results which should be back in a week or so. But he said based on my measurements and follicle count, I am still in the game.

That really IS awesome.

So we don't have to be in a huge rush. Somehow I am more fertile today than I was 2 1/2 years ago. I suspect that has to do with less stress, a better gluten-free diet and a loving God.

We aren't really anxious to have another newborn anytime soon. We are loving Aubrey Kate at this age. She's a big ole bag of fun. And she portable now. We can order off the kids' menu at restaurants (should we actually go out to eat) and the nap times are more flexible. We are feeling rather normal. And let's face it, a newborn is anything but normal.

So I have to tell you, we are both really thrilled with the news. Like let out some serious sighs and then laughed because we didn't even realize we were holding so much pent up worry over it. We'll take stab at giving Pumpkin a sibling.

But not today!

Blessed but not cured...

2011-05-10T21:14:00.003-05:00

Sticking with my year long theme of Keeping It Real, I'm gonna be totally honest and tell ya'll I had an entire lengthy post about Mother's Day written and ready to go. Had it not been for some ridiculously annoying formatting issues, it would have been posted Monday.

Thank goodness for formatting issues.

Because the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to dwell.

Mother's Day is still not easy for me. Partly because the pain of the recent Mother's Day is still raw and partly because there are still so many women waiting.

Just because you have a child does not mean you are any less infertile.

I'm blessed but not cured.

And that blessing trumps the pain.

Look at that precious face.

Spittin' image of her daddy...not much of an explorer...can't be without her Lamby and Stripes...giggles so easily...loves fruit like her mommy...claps along with commercials...falls more than she walks...won't wear a bow...miracle baby girl.

My heart will always miss the babies we didn't get to meet in this life. It will always hurt for those still waiting. It will always remember the hopelessness of those years.

But today, I get to see Aubrey Kate's sweet face and have my husband's arms wrapped around me. Blessed.

And babe, if I get to heaven first, I am so naming our kids. Boys too. Not a darn thing you can do to stop me. Hugs!

Gratitude Friday...

2011-05-06T08:06:00.000-05:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Happy Mother's Day Moms!

We all smile when we think about you!

Thank you Lord for our mothers! We have found our happiness in you. Your love is amazing. And we are so very grateful for the mothers you gave us!

Can we get a few minutes to catch our breath please...

2011-05-03T21:41:00.003-05:00

Don't know about ya'll, but I am whipped.

I mean. Seriously. I feel like these past two weeks have just been complete insanity.

Let's recap, shall we?

Dissertation proposal.

Easter.

Interview for new job.

Tornadoes. Lots.

USA Enemy dead.

Babies, babies and more babies (hopefully!)

And there's the Thunder all over the place in there (NBA Playoffs. Ya'll!)

Besides the fact that I am physically tired, and snotty (thank you Spring), my heart is pretty much exhausted.

And yet, I realize, this is nothing, NOTHING, compared to what others, say who lost loved ones in the storms or in the war, are feeling right now. Still, in the Keeping it Real in 2011 train of thought, I want to share with ya'll whats been on my heart.

If you have an hour, keep reading. If not, I understand. But this is long so didn't want to let you read half-way through and then feel like this is longest post ever written but I just can't stop because she's put me in the middle of a whole hot mess of stuff but seriously, I have a job to do or laundry to fold or television to watch. Totally up to you. You might feel like you've been hit by an actual train and not just a train of thought by the end of this.

Our church is doing a focus on The Big Story. We are learning how to tell the story of Christ from the beginning. Not just His death and resurrection. During our Easter lesson, the teacher talked a great deal about the gift Christ gave us of eternity. We talked about how that changes our daily focus. Alters the course of our lives. Redirects our journey through this life.

As we drove home from church that day, I had that discussion sitting on my heart. But I knew, that for me, eternity wasn't a daily thought. I certainly am looking forward to the day I finally get to meet my Savior face to face. And selfishly, I am anxious to see my loved ones and the babies I never had the opportunity to meet here.

But if I'm being honest with myself, my life with Christ has more to do with His love for me. And my love for Him. I talk with Him, give Him my praise and seek to follow His will for our life not because of anything I get out of the deal but simply because He is I AM.

Although, what I've gotten out the deal is more than I could ever deserve in a million lifetimes. Much less this short life.

Eternity is so far off in my very human brain. It's much more about my relationship with Him today. Right here where I am now. Eternity is taken care of and I guess I pretty much take that completely for granted. Like I've tied it up in a pretty little box and put it on the shelf. I'll need it one day but today I need to get the vacuuming done.

This Saturday night, I got to a great chapter in the newest study I am working through. It's another Kelly Minter book. "Water Into Wine". It's pretty flippin' awesome. She's having us study word for word through the wedding at Cana.

So this chapter, Serving the Best Wine, she examines how we are "serving" Christianity to the world. Specifically, how American Christianity is being served. Kelly questions the reader about how we see ourselves in society. Are we a list of issues? Like do we identify ourselves to others when we say we are pro-life or we are home schooling our kids or we believe couples should "court" instead of dating. Or are we seeking to serve the best wine which is a relationship with Christ?

I've watched Christians beat other Christians up over an issue. Personally, I've seen faces fall when I tell someone our little girl is an IVF miracle. I know the questions behind that face. Why didn't you adopt? What if God didn't want you to be a mother? Doesn't that serve science more than Christ? That person doesn't ask me about the journey to our daughter. Doesn't ask me how God led us to follow that path. Isn't curious how He changed our lives. Could care less about how He might have changed other lives in the process. Because they have decided where they stand on the issue of infertility and whoa be unto us for being called in a different direction.

And at the same time, I know I'm not offering people the best wine. I may not define myself by issues but I'm not defining myself through how I love others either. I fail every single day to show Jesus and His love to others. Heck, I fail at doing it in my own house much less to the people I interact with.

And while I was thinking it through, I broke it down even further. Who exactly do I interact with? Really. It's my friends and family. Who are largely Christians. I'm not offering Jesus to anyone who needs Him. Basically, again, if I'm being honest, I serve other Christians but not a single person outside of my own little Christian bubble.

Then Sunday night. Public Enemy #1...dead.

It was actually sort of humorous in our house.

In one room, Chris is glued to the TV watching every second. Tweeting and updating his status with his thoughts. He was genuinely happy to have this evil man who has killed so many people in all parts of the world gone from this life. Had there been a spontaneous celebration in our neighborhood, he might have attended. Waving his flag as high as possible.

I get it.

Me? I was in the bedroom flipping back and forth between TLC and HGTV. The network news had interrupted the end of Celebrity Apprentice (um, so very transparent there Mr. President), so I had moved on to my usual mindless TV while waiting for the President to speak. And he took his time. By the time he made his announcement, I was pretty sad and more than a little nervous. Sad for a life that will now have to spend eternity apart from Christ. Sad he never met Jesus. Sad for the lives he ended while here. Sad for the families still feeling the loss of that. Sad for the soldiers who have spent ten years looking for him and for their families who have likewise spent ten years waiting for this war to end.

And nervous for the reactions of others to our jubilant celebrations over the death of a human being. Nervous for retaliation and the lives that will cost. Nervous for the soldiers serving right now and for their families at home who have no doubt thought about what this might mean for their loved one.

I know God is not celebrating the loss of one of His children.

Suddenly, in the tragic end of that one life, eternity and wine came together.

I suspect he was not served the best "wine". He was not served the Jesus I love. And eternity is a long time ya'll.

Let me tell you. This hit me hard.

So my prayers have changed. They'd gotten pretty selfish lately anyway and I really can't stand that. God knows what I want. It's not like it's some big surprise.

But now I find I am praying for our soldiers and their families like never before. Praying for the tornado victims. Praying for the relief workers and the churches seeking to minister to those in need. Praying for the families still waiting to find loved ones. Praying for those who lost loved ones in terror attacks. Praying for those who live each day in a war zone. Praying for the missionaries who are in all those places. Praying for the families of those missionaries. Praying for the people the Lord will call to the mission field will heed the call.

I don't know the names or even the faces of a single one of those people. But my God does. He knew them, each one, before they were formed in their mother's womb. He knows the number of hairs on their head. He know the exact number of their days on this earth. And above all, He loves them each as His chosen treasure.

I am praying for their safety, for His comfort and most importantly, for someone to show each and every one of them the best wine.

Jesus.

Not a plate full of issues.

Just Jesus.

My calling is to show them His love. In however He calls me to do that. And just like I know He called us to infertility and IVF, just like I know He called me to leave my job, I know He will give me the opportunity to love. It's time for me to take that box of eternity off the shelf and open up the best wine.

Gratitude Friday...

2011-04-29T10:18:00.003-05:00

This is pretty simple. Very simple actually.

Today, I am so grateful my family is safe.

Please keep the people in the South in your prayers. Specifically, in Tuscaloosa where my brother, SIL and precious nephews live. The tornado did some major damage in the neighborhoods where Carrie's students live. She says students and teachers are still missing.

Can you imagine?

Thank you Lord for protecting our family. We are humbled by how You love us.

Mindy and I are, like, totally soul mates...

2011-04-28T16:10:00.005-05:00

I feel like this has been the longest week in the history of the world.

Last Friday we went up to Oklahoma for Chris to do his official dissertation proposal. We got up and left the house by 8:01 am. The goal was 8. With a baby, I take great pleasure in getting something done on time.

Small victories ya'll.

We got in town, ate and headed up to campus. Chris was a tiny bit stressed. Tiny being a gross understatement. Although, I've seen him be more stressed during an Auburn football game. Not kidding. At least in this case, he knew the players well and thanks to quite a bit of prep work, he felt like he had been moving the ball down the field well and only needed those last 20 yards to score.

Yeah. That's the last football analogy. Swear.

So we dropped him off in his fancy suit, racing heart and nervous stomach and headed out to walk around campus for a little while. Pumpkin needed a nap something fierce. She hadn't slept the entire trip up. A baby should not go 6 hours without a nap. It's dangerous territory.

So while my husband was presenting his idea for that "document" that will make him Dr. Evans, his daughter and wife were sacked out taking a nap.

I feel guilty. But only slightly. The nap was so good.

Thankfully, he didn't need me to be awake holding a prayer vigil over him because he was fine. Topic approved. In record time. No hazing involved.

One step closer to Dr. Evans.

Friday night we celebrated Mr. Pack's birthday. I think he was turning 21. Wish we could have stayed longer. I feel like there was more discussion for Fanny and me. But again, sleepy baby was running the schedule.

Saturday was driving back home and then baking, baking and more baking for Easter.

Easter.

The last baby first holiday.

I may or may not have watched every single video of my daughter before I went to sleep.

Chris reminded me there will be lots more firsts. Heck, we're still doing things for the first time even in our 30's. And I get that, seriously. But still.

Thankfully, there was absolutely zippo time to think about that Sunday.

We had decided to go to the 8:00 am service. But when my alarm went off at 6 am, I somehow turned it off and promptly fell back asleep. And if Momma is late, we're all late.

Pumpkin was adorable in her purple dress. Too bad she was in a bad mood all day and refused to have her picture taken or do something fun like hunting for eggs. She didn't like the grass.

Totally my kid.

Which just means next year can be her first Easter egg hunt. I'm totally making a onesie for that. Or maybe a tee-shirt. She might be wearing 18 months clothes by then.

Then Monday was all about getting ready for Tuesday. That was our second trip of the week. Chris is a finalist for a job at a mid-sized university in East Texas.

Here's the thing. We go through this process every year about this time. Will he get a new job? Where will it be? Two years ago he made top six at another college. Last year, top three at a local middle school. Now this year, top three at a university. I'm fairly used to this process and I have gotten so much better at keeping my expectations on a reasonable level. When we were engaged and he was looking for his first job, I would pretty much plan our life around each and every job he applied for. Then I would be disappointed if he didn't get it. Now though, I can look around and explore without getting emotionally attached to the situation.

If we move, great. If not, great.

We are most definitely praying about this. Personally, I am not the smartest person and I sometimes am a little selfish.

Okay, so a lot selfish.

When it comes to these big life decisions, I tend to want one thing and expect God to just go ahead and give me that. He doesn't really work that way and honestly, I'd much rather be where He wants me. Not because that's the easiest but because it's the most rewarding. I've learned when I obey, I'm content. Happy, not always. But I'll take content.

So our prayer is that God make this so very, very obvious. Like need doors slammed in our face kind of obvious. Otherwise, we might make a decision based on what we want and not what He wants.

Anyway, we spent Tuesday night and Wednesday checking out the joint. It's a small town. Small. Like as in while I was walking around the "historic downtown", I stopped to go in an antique store only to find a note on the door reading "Be back in 8 minutes".

Not 5. Not 10. Eight.

The owner saw me reading the sign and said, "Ma'am, I'll be right back. Just gotta go check on my tire."

Well, sure. Because walking down the block to local Mr. Fixit is way better than using the phone.

Pumpkin and I drove around town checking out neighborhoods and making notes about grocery stores and churches. I feel fairly certain I hit most of the hot spots. And if not, we can find that out should he get the job.

To help tip the scales in our favor, we did show off Pumpkin. I made her a little skirt and a onesie with a purple necklace. No pictures though. Teething baby was not having it. But I did get one of her in the back seat on the way home. I pulled every stupid baby trick out of my hat to entertain her those three hours. Not sure how tired she was but this momma was stinkin' exhausted.

Totally worth it though. Look at this face.

The thing about making the jump to college is that he would have more time to finish the darn paper. Right now he teaches from 7:30 am to 5:00 pm and then has to spend the nights doing the administrative stuff. He'll teach way less on the college level and have more time to do the administrative duties (which he totally rocks at, by the way). That means he could spend nights working on the paper. I mean, he'll still be working like crazy but just not 90 hours.

And really, I'm down with doing whatever I need to do to help him be Dr. Evans.

Because, like Mindy, at the end of the day, I really want to be Mrs. Dr. Christopher J. Evans, DMA.

(Please tell me ya'll know who Mindy is. Heavens.)